15 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

• Not throwing up a single time all week. Is this what I used to feel like all the time?! Magic. 

• Someone at work asked for my maternity leave dates, which one, made me so thankful that I have a job where I get time off, and two, made me so excited to get to spend six weeks just getting to know this little guy/gal. 

• Starting to look at baby names. We've been flipping through a baby book and taking turns randomly picking out names, making fun of the outrageous names, and arguing over what a good name is. It's been so much fun. 

• Reexamining my priorities. This whole thing has made me stop and realize what's actually important in life, and it's made me realize that my life is so good. Sure, there are things I want and things I want to do and places I want to go. Of course there are things I worry about. But I have a partner in all of this who I love more than life, and we've created an entire human (that is just so mind-blowing to think about!) who I know we will love so much. And if your life is filled with love, then it's a good, good life. 

• This doesn't have anything to do with 15 weeks, but a little note on that picture: That's my best friend Catherine. She came to take pictures of me and Chris (and gatsby, duh) to put in a card to tell my parent. I was so nervous we were going to run into someone we knew, because no one knew about the baby, and we were walking around with chalkboards that said "baby jacobs due January!" Chris kept reassuring there was no way we would, but lo and behold, we ran into one of our best friends. Catherine, being the amazing friend that she is, literally snatched the chalkboards up and took off running down the street like it was nothing. I love her forever, and little is already lucky to have her in his/her life.

15 down, 25(ish) more to go. Little baby J, I can't wait to find out if you're a boy or a girl!

5 Things You Should Say Goodbye to Immediately for a Happier Life.

We spend a lot of time wondering what we need more of in order to be happier, when sometimes, I think the better question is what do we need less of to be happier?

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Jealousy. 

I've heard that healthy jealous is good, but really, when has this ever worked out? When you're jealous, you're entirely too focused on someone else--what they have, what they do, who they are--and not nearly focused enough on yourself and what you have and what you do and who you are. Cutting out jealousy leads to cutting out a lot of nasty stuff in life, so it's a great place to start.

Negativity. 

Life is too short to be negative, plain and simple. The world is a beautiful place if you look for beauty, and it's a terrible place if you only look for the negative. This is one of the biggest choices you have in life..you can be a positive person, or you can be a negative person. Personally, I like being around positive people more, don't you?

Comparison. 

Right up there with jealousy, this just never leads anywhere good. When you choose to compare yourself to others, you are cheapening who you really are. You are never going to be exactly like someone else, just like no one else is ever going to be exactly like you. It's a waste of time and energy to spend time seeing how you compare to others, and it leads to being exhausted and bitter, two enemies of happiness.

Clutter. 

I am a messy person. I know this about myself. No matter how much I love when things are clean and tidy, by nature, I am just a messy person. When my house is messy, it stresses me out. You know what leads to messiness? Clutter. You convince yourself you need it and then it takes over your house.

One of the easiest steps to being happy is this: If you don't use or need or love something, say goodbye to it. It's that simple.

The bad kind of tired. 

There are two kinds of tired. There's the kind you are when your day has been filled with fulfilling work or adventure or excitement, and you're tired because you spent your day, and then there's the kind of tired where you're overwhelmed and too much happened and the day just went by you. That's the bad kind of tired.

While it would be nice to fill every day with excitement and laughter and adventures, we do all have to work, I get it. But you can still say goodbye to the bad kind of tired by choosing to spend your day instead of letting it fly by you. If you have to work a job you don't love, don't let it exhaust you. Instead, choose to be the best you can be at it. There's a difference between simply checking things off your to-do list and choosing to be productive and effective. If you pour your heart into your day-to-day, chances are, you'll end the day feeling the good kind of tired.

What else do you recommend saying goodbye to for a happier life? 

What's Your Dream? And When is it Enough?

What is your dream? 

Really, what is it? If someone asked you to describe your dream life, what would you tell them?

I love talking about dreams. I love dreaming. I love saying to dream big and chase your dreams no matter what.

Lately, with so much transition happening, it's made me think more about this. And I'm wondering if maybe all the focus we put on chasing our dreams leads us to a place of feeling unfulfilled.  Does putting so much pressure on chasing the dream make us more apt to not feeling content when we should?

If you asked me what my dream was, I'd tell you it's to be an author who gets to write books for a living. I'd tell you I want to pay my rent with my words. That I want to get to write book after book and know that people want to read them. To me, that's the dream. 

But alas, that's not happening right now. My job has nothing to do with writing, but it pays my bills. And I still get to write--I have this blog, and of course, I'm always writing, still chasing that dream. Is that enough? For now, I think yes.

Here's the thing: I think it's possible to enjoy life and be happy exactly where you are while still chasing your dream. Does being happy where you are mean you're settling, or that you're giving up on what you want? No, it doesn't.

We're all where we're at in life. And we can--and should--chase our dreams. But don't let that lead you to a place of being ungrateful and restless. Celebrate the areas where you get to have your dream and your life intersect, and keep looking for those areas. But don't let the desire to chase your dream make you throw away the happiness that your life right now could bring you. Because chances are, it's a pretty good life.

So dream on, dreamers. But be happy today, here and now, too.

14 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

I'm never going to be one to post weekly baby updates. I love reading the ones my friends post, but I'm just not going to write about how much weight I've gained and what my symptoms are and how big the baby is every week. It's just doesn't feel like me. That being said, I know there's so many little things I'm going to want to remember. So I thought I'd post weekly little snippets of things I don't want to forget.

This was right after I told Chris, right before we went to chick-fil-a. 

• How excited my family was when I told them. 

• Chris is being so sweet. Even though dinner and wine at a fancy restaurant isn't an option right now, this weekend included a picnic on the porch and it was just as great of a date. 

• The fire alarms at our apartment went off in the middle of the night this week, and I felt responsible for another human for the first time in my life. While walking down seventeen flights of stairs, I realized that I'm the only one who can take care of this little babe right now. What a big responsibility.

• Going to my second doctor's appointment and the doctor warning me not to worry if they couldn't find a heartbeat since it could take awhile at this stage, only for the room to immediately fill with the sound of my little's heartbeat. 

• The doctor telling me about a blood test I needed to get and then casually slipping in that it would also show the baby's gender. We'll know within two weeks if this is a little guy or a little lady!

• I finally am starting to have energy again. I made a grocery list, went grocery shopping, and pre-made SIX crockpot meals. Compared to the previous month and a half, that alone makes me feel like a champion. 

14 down, 26(ish) more to go. I can't wait to meet you, little. 

Embrace the Adventure.

Thank you so much for all of your sweet words and congratulations on Monday's post. You guys are really just the best. It makes it so much better and more real to have so many people to celebrate this new step with!

Now, I'm a planner at heart. I like to know as many details as possible before new things happen. Neither one of those things meshes with life at the moment. I have so. many. questions. 

Like, how are we going to fit an entire extra human into our tiny shoebox of an apartment? Because we resigned the lease two days before we knew about little. 

What exactly will the next few years look like? No clue!

Where is Chris going to work? Not the slightest idea. 

Where are we going to live? Haha, such a funny question.

I've heard the expression "I know God is laughing at me!" And while I don't really like to think of God laughing at me, I can't help but think he's at least chuckling a little bit up there.

And the thing is, in this time of just total unknowing, I'm learning so much and nothing all at the same time.

I'm learning that it's okay to feel like you know nothing. It's okay to not know. 

I love planning. It would be really nice to be able to sit down with a planner and pencil in the answers to all of the questions I have, but not being able to do that doesn't stop life from happening.

It would be really nice to know what city we will live in next, but I don't even know what state will be home, and that doesn't mean we're not going to have a home that we love next summer.

Just because having a baby wasn't the plan and I'm not really sure how it's all going to work out doesn't mean that it's not going to be the most exciting, wonderful change.

Just because life is changing and happening without my permission or even knowledge doesn't mean life is any less good. It just means it's an adventure.

So I'm just over here learning that it's okay to not know. And that when you don't know, the best thing you can do is embrace the adventure.

Cheers to embracing the adventure. Because I have a feeling it's going to be better than I could have even imagined.

A (Tiny Little) Ginormous Plot Twist.

"No time soon!" 

That's been my go-to answer whenever anyone asks when I plan to start popping out babies. For some reason, once you're married, everyone feels like it's their personal right to know your plans for the future--specifically involving tiny little humans.

So I say "no time soon" because while we didn't have a plan for if and when we may want a baby, the plan was just no time soon. 

And then one day, on a Wednesday, I woke up and noticed my boobs. (Sorry, dad, and any other male family member that reads my blog out of loyalty.) As a lifelong member of the flat-chested society, when you wake up and notice your boobs, well, that's something different. And then I thought, hmm, it's been awhile since I bought tampons. (Again, so sorry.) We had plans to go to a dinner party that night where I knew wine was in my cards, so I thought, ehh better just take a test.

Now, I have a blood disorder that prevents me from being able to take normal birth control, so there have been months where I'm two days late and just know I'm for sure pregnant and I take a test and sit there and watch it in terror and just know it's going to be positive. And it never has been.

I took this one and was for sure it was going to be negative, but I was proud of myself for being a responsible adult and taking it just in case. I peed on a stick, set it on the counter, went and made myself a cup of coffee, forgot about the stick, started work, and then remembered it.

It was positive.

I fell down on the floor and threw up. Really, I was that shocked.

I drove to CVS and bought every single brand of pregnancy tests they had (seven) and took those.

All positive.

But I did what any responsible adult would do and drove to Target and bought every single brand that they had (four). Also all positive. I'm not even going to tell you how much money I spent on pregnancy tests.

Okay, fine. Ninety-eight dollars. I spend ninety-eight dollars on pregnancy tests. I know, I know.

So with eleven plus signs staring up at me and two hours before Chris got home, I did what any logical thinking adult would do.

I watched Netflix and ate entirely too much mac-and-cheese.

I'll blog all about how I told Christopher and all of that later, but the short story is he canceled his plans and took me to chick-fil-a instead, because he is the love of my life and knows that the appropriate response for any life-changing news is sweet tea and well-done fries.

So there you have it. One day, on a Wednesday, I woke up to my normal life, and then BAM, plot twist.

No, it was not planned. It wasn't expected. But hey, life is an adventure, and this just adds to it.

Little baby Jacobs, coming this January. We can't wait to welcome this tiny little person into our adventure.

Books I Read in June and Whether or Not You Should Read Them.

The Passion of Mary-Margaret by Lisa Samson

Plot: When Mary-Margaret Fischer met Jude Keller, the lighthouse keeper's son, she was studying at a convent school on a small island off Chesapeake Bay. Destined for a life as a religious sister, she nevertheless felt a pull toward Jude--gorgeous, rebellious, promiscuous Jude. But Jude, driven by demons no one really understood, disappeared into Baltimore's seamy red-light district. Mary-Margaret moved on with her life, preparing to serve God with her sisters as a teacher and artist.

Then Jude comes home--but now he's bitter, dissolute, and diseased. And Mary-Margaret receives a divine call that shakes her to the core, a call to give up her dreams for the troubled man who befriended her so long ago. For Jesus' sake, can she forsake the only life she ever wanted for a love that could literally cost her life?

Favorite quote: 

"We all want to be rescued and we'll look in the craziest of places for that rescuer, won't we? We all want to be found." 

My thoughts: This is a book about a nun who thinks she can see Jesus. If you would have told me that description, I wouldn't have ranked it as something I thought I would enjoy. But I devoured this book. It was so good, so beautiful, and such a good reminder that no one is ever too far gone for love and grace, and that sometimes what we've always thought we wanted isn't the best for our life. 

It's such a deep, funny, unique story with so many layers I want to tell you about, but I don't want to spoil anything. So I'll just say it's a book about a nun who thinks she can see Jesus, and you really, really need to read it. 

Should you read it?: YES.

Looking for Alaska by John Green

Plot: Before. Miles "Pudge" Halter's whole existence has been one big nonevent, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave the "Great Perhaps" (François Rabelais, poet) even more. He heads off to the sometimes crazy, possibly unstable, and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young, who is an event unto herself. She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart.

After. Nothing is ever the same.

Favorite quote: 

“We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken.” 

My thoughts: Sometimes things are super mainstream and popular for a good reason. John Green books are some of those things. 

Some people end up not liking these books for the very reason that I love them. They read The Fault in Our Stars first and fall in love with it (because it's wonderful) and immediately after finishing that they buy another John Green book (a natural reaction), only they're disappointed because they were expecting a grand story of tragedy and heartbreak like in TFiOS. 

I love John Green's books because while they are all magical and very obviously written by him, they are all so different. All of his books are filled with tragedy and heartbreak; only they're different kinds. This one covers the tragedy of being someone who feels things deeply and the heartbreak of being alive. 

I loved this book, and much like after I read Paper Towns, I wanted to run around and live life and experience everything, because being alive is just so great. Any book that reminds you of that is one worth reading. 

Should you read it?: Yes. Immediately. 

Water from my Heart by Charles Martin

Plot: Charlie Finn had to grow up fast, living alone by age sixteen. Highly intelligent, he earned a life-changing scholarship to Harvard, where he learned how to survive and thrive on the outskirts of privileged society. That skill served him well in the cutthroat business world, as it does in more lucrative but dangerous ventures he now operates off the coast of Miami. Charlie tries to separate relationships from work. But when his choices produce devastating consequences, he sets out to right wrongs, traveling to Central America where he will meet those who have paid for his actions, including a woman and her young daughter. Will their fated encounter present Charlie with a way to seek the redemption he thought was impossible--and free his heart to love one woman as he never knew he could?

Favorite quote:

“This is love with legs.’ My father used to say that you can tell someone you love them until you’re blue in the face, but until they see that walked out, they have no idea what it means. Hence, ‘love with legs.’

My thoughts: This story has so many layers of different stories all intertwined and I don't want to spoil them for you, so I'll sum it up because I don't think the Goodreads description does the book justice. 

Charlie deals Cocaine (in the big leagues) with his best friend. Some things they do get his best friend's son in trouble. When Charlie goes to rescue him, he stumbles upon a group of people whose lives he has inadvertently ruined, and he sets out on trying to make things right. And then an incredibly beautiful story unfolds. 

Once again, Charles Martin blows me away. 

Should you read it?: Absolutely. 

The Good Girls by Sara Shepard

Plot: Mackenzie, Ava, Caitlin, Julie, and Parker have done some not-so-perfect things. Even though they all talked about killing rich bully Nolan Hotchkiss, they didn't actually go through with it. It's just a coincidence that Nolan died in exactly the way they planned . . . right? Except Nolan wasn't the only one they fantasized about killing. When someone else they named dies, the girls wonder if they're being framed. Or are they about to become the killer's next targets?

My thoughts: I shamefully watched Pretty Little Liars every week because at this point, I just have to know how it all ends. I started reading the books, because I'm always interested when a tv show is based on a book series, but then I realized the tv show and the books have very different plots, and that was just too confusing. 

So I read The Perfectionists, the first book in this series. It was just kind of ehhh. But since it's a mystery, I had to finish it, so I read the second book, which ended up being much better. 

It's a juvenile read with incredible plot-twists and an end that I really didn't see coming.

Should you read it?: Only if you've read the first one, or if you enjoy the Pretty Little Liars books. If not, I'd pass.

What have you read lately?