A Different Kind of Pep Talk.

I write a lot of pep talks on here. Someone recently asked me if I could pick one thing for people to take away from my blog, what would it be. My answer was, "That I'm in their corner and I'm cheering them on." That's the reason I love writing mini pep talks in the form of blog post. 
Today's is a little different, though. 
While I won't publish this until next week, I'm writing this a few days after a heart-wrenching funeral.   
And the last few days, I've wondered - how do you go on after that? After you see something so devastating. After you see people you love broken, split right in two by tragedy. How do you get to a place where you see life as good when you just saw how fast it can be over? 
Hell if I know.
All I know is this: You can. And you have to. 
You can. Even when it really, really hurts. You are strong, even when it feels like you are two seconds away from breaking. You are able, even when you feel helpless. You are a warrior, even when you feel your absolute weakest. And most importantly: It's okay to believe these things even when you don't feel them. 
The phrase, life has ups and downs doesn't seem fitting enough. More like, life has magical mountaintops and valleys in the very pit of hell. And you don't have to understand them to keep going. You don't even have to have a positive outlook to keep going. There are some things a positive outlook just doesn't exist for. 
I don't think it's always about finding hope and joy and motivation. Those things are so wonderful, but you don't always have to find them. Sometimes, you just have to be willing to be open to looking for them. 
So if you're a little down lately, I want to say that I see you and I feel where you're at. If you're a lot down lately, I see you and I feel where you're at. If it feels like you're immersed in total darkness, like the lights are never, ever going to come back on...I see you and I feel where you're at.
It's okay to not be alight. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to not see a bright side anywhere in sight. Trust me, some things have no bright side. 
So our pep talk today isn't the happiest I've ever written. It's certainly not about being happy and getting up and doing all of the things. 
Today, it's just a little reminder that you're not alone. We all go through these seriously tough things.  It's okay to be terrified of the dark and at the same time have no idea how you'll ever turn a light on. 
Today's pep talk is this: Sit in the dark for however long you need to. Just please, please don't lose sight that one day, the light will shine in again. 
It will. 
I love you.

If I Could Tell You Anything Today.

If I could tell you anything today...

...I'd tell you that your story matters. I read a book this summer that changed my entire outlook on (and I believe the whole trajectory of, honestly) my life in one chapter, because the author shared a part of her story. That may sound dramatic, but it's not. I think about that so often, about how someone was raw and honest and put a vulnerable part of their story out into the world where anyone could read and judge it. And how I, a stranger, have a better life because of it. Our stories matter in ways we can't possibly know. 

...I would also tell you that it's entirely up to you how you share your story. You, by no means, have to go around broadcasting anything about your life. You can share your story one on one. You can share it by the way you live, but the way you treat others. You can share your story in so many ways other than relaying it with detail-filled words. 

...I'd tell you to make time for the things that fill your cup. I've been thinking about this so much lately, and paying extra attention to what fills my cup. I've been so exhausted the last few months, and while a lot of that is just life (hi, I have a three year old who never gets tired), a lot of it was coming from the overwhelming amount of things in my life that were sucking me dry. They weren't exactly bad things, but they weren't filling my cup. 

So I started saying no to things. A lot of things. If someone wanted to meet for dinner, but I knew it'd be a draining night on top of an already draining week, I said no. If someone tried engaging in a debate over something stupid on social media, I said no. If I felt like things that weren't on my most basic responsibilities list were going to suck the life out of me, I. Said. No. 

I also started saying yes to things. A lot of things. I drove to Jacksonville and spent the day running around with my sweetest friend, Kristen (who took this picture with all that gorgeous light). While on the surface that might look like something that would make me more tired, it was full of so much joy that it filled my cup. I'm going to a concert Friday night, because dancing around to live music fills my cup. Saturday, I spent the entire afternoon reading. Dishes piled up and the house looked awful, but I felt so refreshed. Sunday, I spent the whole day cleaning, because starting the week with a clean house makes me feel peaceful, and peace fills my cup. 

So I'd tell you, whatever fills your cup, pay attention to that. Pay attention to what drains you. Adjust accordingly, as much as you can. 

...I'd tell you that I'm cheering you on today. That whatever your week has, big or small, you've totally got this. Happy Monday!

Lifelong Resolutions We Should All Have.

As of tomorrow, the first month of 2019 will come to an end. I hope it has been SO good to you. I hope you've stayed on track with any resolutions you've had. If, like me, you decided this year was less about resolutions and more about just living, I hope you've survived AND thrived. But if you haven't, and you've failed on all fronts, IT. IS. OKAY. 

January does not dictate your whole year. 2019 has plenty more days to be so good for you. You've got hundreds of chances left to be a champion. You've got this. 

Also, a personal opinion: Lifelong resolutions are way better than yearly resolutions. Here are a few I think we should all have: 

Show more kindness. || It takes SO LITTLE to be kind. It makes such a big difference - both to you and to those you're showing kindness to. 

Stop assuming others' motives. || If you're an anxious person, listen to me: Stop assuming the motives of other people. Stop assigning reasons to why they didn't text you back. Stop saddling them with opinions they've never told you being the reason they couldn't meet you for coffee. Stop assuming that the actions of others are motivated by you. If you are anything like me, this is so hard. But it's worth trying! 

Try to see others' points of view. || I'm gonna be open here: This is new for me. I hate confrontation, so when I have a complete opposite point of view as someone else, I tend to just not talk about it. Why rock the boat, you know? But that's dumb. Even if you disagree on deep things, it helps to put yourself in others' shoes and try to see where they're coming from and why they may feel that way. It doesn't mean you're changing your views, it means you're being a more empathetic human being. 

Drink more water. || Just do it. It fixes basically everything. 

Love hard. || Love is the most beautiful thing we have. But love can also hurt. Romantic love, friend love, family love...loving hard and full opens yourself up in a way that leaves you vulnerable. It brings your heart to the surface where it is more easily injured. And after a few of those injuries-be it from a romantic partner or a friendship ending or a family tragedy-the instinct to love from a distance, to love with arms crossed, to love only on a surface level can kick in. Don't give in. Life is short. Love hard. It hurts sometimes, but the good outweighs the bad, I promise. 

Live abundantly. || I've been thinking so much about this. There's a verse in the Bible that says Jesus came so that we would have not only life, but abundant life. Even if we have different faiths, I think abundant life is something we should all strive for. What fills you up? What is it that, when you do it, you think, "this! this is what it's about!" What makes your life feel the most abundant? More of that.

Stop breaking promises to yourself. || Look, I don't mean the way that on Friday, you swore you'd clean out the laundry room over the weekend, but then you got sucked in to a really good book and read all weekend instead. I'm talking about promises like, I will take better care of myself. I will stand up for myself. I will stop letting people walk all over me. I will make time for the things I love. Those promises. They're important, don't break them. 

Make room for the things you love. || I like to think of this in terms of weekends. If you've worked all week, what's your ideal weekend? Time with your people? Time alone? Projects? Books? Movies? Parties? We don't all have weekends off, but we do all get little pockets of time here and there that we get to choose how to fill. Whatever your "weekends" are, how to you want to fill those?

What's a lifelong resolution you have?