Letters to Jack: 4 Months.

Jack, 
Today is a big deal for me. It marks one year since I found out you were going to be making your way into the world. We can easily call this the most life-changing year for me. 
When I found out about you (after spending $98 dollars on pregnancy tests just to be sure), I was so nervous and scared...I was worried that I wasn't ready, that I wouldn't know how to take care of you. I didn't know how you would fit into the life we had planned. 
Spoiler alert: You fit perfectly. 
A year ago, I woke up and drank coffee and watched Netflix, with zero ideas about how life was changing. Today, I woke up and fed you and snuggled you back to sleep. We're on vacation-see, all of my worries about fun things in life being over were just stupid-and we'll spend the day shopping and playing in the sun and swinging and admiring your sweet little baby giggles that you've been giving out more and more frequently. 

But for now, you're snuggled in next to me, wearing footie pajamas that have dinosaurs on your feet...the feet that you will spend all day trying to put in your mouth. You're sleeping, so peacefully, and you still smell like lavender from your nighttime lotion. Here I am, 365 days later, drinking my coffee in bed again, and here you are, much different than you were a year ago, but still the same little love. 
You have changed every single aspect of my life. So I guess I just wanted to say thank you for that. 
Happy one year of hanging out together, little man. You are everything I never knew I wanted, and I will love you for all of my forever.
xo. 

Things I Believe in This Week: Vacation Edition.

Coming at you today from a tropical little slice of paradise. Currently trying to find an excuse to never ever come home. In the meantime, here are a few things I believe in this week:

• Taking vacations. Whenever and wherever. 

• Buying giant pink flamingo floats, even if it doesn't seem like the most reasonable purchase.

• That everyone should have a hammock.

• That food tastes better when you're on vacation. Also: Calories do not exist on vacation. 

• Sunshine is good for your soul. So are bright colors. 

• That life is meant to be enjoyed. You should take every chance you get to enjoy life to the fullest.

What do you believe in this week?

Let's Just Be Happy Today.

We all have good day and bad days. To pretend that life is only good, that it is only light and easy and stunning and happy, well, that's just stupid. Because it's not. It's hard sometimes. We all have days that feel never-ending and days that feel more like a vacation. Life is a mixture of ups and downs. 

I think there's a chance in every day to be happy. Sometimes that comes easily, and sometimes we have to go hunting for it. But it's there, always. So today, I think you should be happy. 

Grab a large sweet tea from Chick-Fil-A and stroll the aisle of Target and be happy. 

Read a book outside in the sunshine and be happy. 

Call up an old friend and meet for lunch and be happy. 

Curl up with a cup of coffee and your favorite blanket and be happy. 

Watch a movie and have popcorn and wine for dinner and be happy. 

Because, after all, if you live in a world were there is sweet tea and Target and books and sunshine and old friends and coffee and blankets movies and popcorn and wine...how could you not be happy? 

Wishing you a day full of happiness, wherever you may find it.

Mother's Day & Being Nice.

The things that people say on social media really shouldn't surprise me anymore, but yesterday, I was a little taken aback. 

Yesterday was my first time celebrating Mother's Day with a baby of my own. Last year on this day, actually becoming a mom was the farthest thing from my mind, even though there was already a little babe growing inside of me. This year, I got to wake up to a box of chocolates and a smiling baby and flowers and thought it was the best ever. Oh, what a year can change. It's so crazy to think about. 

Anyway, we all know that holidays of any kind bring out both the best and worst in people on the internet. Yesterday was no exception. There were sweet pictures of everyone with their mom, tributes written to mothers everywhere, and quick snapshots of memories of families at brunch. 

And then, of course, there were some...more strongly-worder posts. 

The ones like, "Celebrating Mother's Day by the pool in honor of avoiding getting pregnant for 27 years now! A baby would be such a life-ruiner."

Posts saying that choosing to not have kids is a selfish decision, and that your life is NOTHING without a baby. 

Posts like, "Celebrating Mother's Day so openly is so insensitive to those of us still trying to conceive. Please tone it down."

Or, "Wanna know what being a mom actually is? It's never having anything for yourself, always changing or cleaning or picking up something, and not even having the time to shower. It actually really sucks most days."

Clearly some people I follow had some pretty strong feelings about yesterday. 

We all get to have an opinion, of course. And we all get to share it, if we choose to. So here's mine, at a whopping three and a half months into being a mom.

Motherhood is: 

• hard. 
• adventurous. 
• exciting. 
• exhausting. 
• an honor. 
• something that can come in many different forms.
• the best. 
• messy. 

Motherhood is not: 

• a death sentence. 
• the end of enjoying your life. 
• something that makes every other part of you cease to exist. 
• boring. 
• the only thing a woman can be good at. 

Motherhood can be: 

• lonely. 
• confusing.
• something that takes awhile to come for some. 
• overwhelming.
• something that not everyone wants. 
• a surprise. 

Motherhood is and isn't a lot of different things to different people. So goodness gracious, we should just all be nice about it. 

Before you say something about how much it sucks being a mom, think about how brokenhearted the girl who's been trying to become a mom for years is feeling. Before you say that life is devoid of meaning without kids, think about the couple who's decided having a baby isn't for them and are living a life full of meaning. Before you say getting pregnant is a life-ruiner, think about the girl who had a surprise baby (oh hi, it's me!) and actually thinks her life is pretty amazing. Before you say it's selfish to celebrate a day like yesterday, think about the girl who loves being a mom and just wants to celebrate that. 

If you have a kid, I think you are amazing. 

If you're trying to have a baby, even though it's turning out to be pretty hard, I think you are incredible. 

If you've decided having a baby of your own isn't what's best, I think you are wonderful. 

I just think you should be nice. We should all be a little bit nicer, don't you think?

Cheers to mothers and not-mothers everywhere. And cheers to kindness-so, so much kindness. 

Feeling So Thankful For The Last Four Years.

GUYS. In fifteen days, Christopher will graduate from medical school. Two weeks from tomorrow, he becomes a doctor. A real life, actual, M.D. doctor.

I'm feeling a lot of the things I expected to be feeling: Relief that these four years are over, excitement for the next stage, sentimentality for the places we've gone and the people we've met over the last four years. But one thing I'm feeling that I didn't really expect is overwhelming thankfulness.

Thankful that we've made it through alive (just kidding) (but only a little bit), but also just thankful for the whole experience of the last four years. It's been really hard at times, but it is truly an honor to get to stand beside the one you love while they get to make their dreams happen.

Before now, I probably would have laughed (or actually just rolled my eyes) at anyone who said being married in medical school is hard. It's school, for goodness sake!

But it's not! Med-school is a full-time job, and full-time school, and boards, and tests, and studying, and surgery, and basically belonging to someone else for four years. All while finding the time to apply for residency and go on interviews and oh, that little thing called Match Day.

Save for the first semester, we were married for the entirety of med school, so I've had a front row seat to all of it. There have been hard days and easy days and exciting days and boring days. There were nights where I would both go to sleep and wake up before he finished a single shift at the hospital. So while old me may have rolled my eyes at you saying your husband is in med-school and it's hard, the four-years-later me wants to hug you and buy you a drink.

I feel like everyone can say they've grown up over the last four years, because four years is a really long time. But I've grown so much, both in ways I expected and in ways I didn't expect. In big, important ways, and in silly ways. For example: The first year of school, I would walk into a room where Chris was studying and see pictures of infected man-junk and scream because my poor little eyes were scarred for life. Now, a textbook can be left out open on a nasty infectious picture for days and my first reaction is, ugh, so much studying and not oh my gosh what is that awful picture get it OUT. See? Growing up leaps and bounds over here.

While I know I will always look back on these as some of the hardest years of my life, I also know they have been the best years of my life.

So cheers to the last four years. They made me a wife, they made me a mom, they made me a person I'm proud of, and they made Chris a doctor. And I am incredibly thankful for them.

This is Life, Live Now.

I love office supplies. Pens, tape, notepads, paper, highlighters...I love them all. I have a weak spot for pretty journals, notebooks, and planners. But I especially love the planners that come with stickers. I love, love, love stickers. I still consider my desk from elementary school that I covered entirely in Lisa Frank stickers to be the most stylish piece of furniture I've ever owned.

So yeah, I adore stickers. The brighter and more fun the better. I just think they're such happy little things. But here's the problem: I never, ever use stickers. I buy them. I have them. I get them as gifts. I just don't use them.

I have this weird fear (fear is definitely not the right word to use here, but let's just go with it) that I might use a really good sticker on a to-do list or calendar or journal, and then it just ends up being a random Tuesday and I wasted that sticker...so I end up never using any stickers.

I do this with a lot of things in life. I save good outfits for when I might go somewhere exciting. I save good wine for special occasions. I save movies we've been wanting to watch until Fridays.

And I save my three-cent stickers for what I think might be good, exciting days.

It's such a silly thing, such a cheap thing, and it makes me happy. But I'm afraid I might waste something good on a plain and normal day.

But why the heck not? So what if it just ends up being a random Tuesday? We only get so many Tuesdays, might as well celebrate them.

There's something so simultaneously gut-wrenching and freeing about letting yourself truly think about how short life is. It's heartbreaking to realize life will probably end before you've done everything you wanted to, but exhilarating and motivating to think of how much you can fill your life with right now.

It could all end tomorrow, but it hasn't yet, so we might as well celebrate today. Drink the good wine, wear the cute outfit, watch the movie.

And use the stickers. 

Spending Your May: A To-Do List for Adventuring Through the Month.

Happy May! I am so excited about this month. We've got a vacation, Chris' graduation, and it's the start of Jack's first summer!

There are 31 days this month, so let's make them count. As always, I have a few ideas on how you should spend those days!

1. Perfect your iced coffee making skills.

2. Plan a trip to the beach. No summer should pass without a trip to the beach!

3. Make homemade sushi. 

4. Make a summer reading list. 

5. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Quesoquesoqueso!

6. Thank a teacher. Teacher's appreciation week is a thing, but when's the last time you said thank you to a teacher you know?

7. Tackle as many of the not-so-fun to-dos you have in one day as possible. 

8. Celebrate Mother's Day.

9. Make your outdoor area somewhere you like to be. Whether you have an entire backyard or a tiny balcony, clean it up and spend some more time out there.

10. Play mini golf.

11. DIY a cheaper version of something you've had your eye on. An art piece or a home update...you'd be surprised at how many things you can copy for less money. Plus, it's fun!

12. Write down the three biggest goals you have at the moment and hang them somewhere you can see them every day.

13. Plan a quick vacation. This can mean taking a week off and going to another city, or just turning your phone off on a Saturday and doing fun things around your town.

14. Evaluate what you'd like to do before this decade of your life is over. 20's? 40's? 60's? What do you want to have done when that first number flips over again? Do your decade justice.

15. Make grilled pizza. 

16. Stop on the way home from work and pick up the supplies for a project you've been meaning to do. Hello, Home Depot!

17. Learn something useful. Like how to do CPR or how to change a tire.

18. Make a summer bucket list. 

19. Go to a flea market. Or antique shopping!

20. Write someone a thank you note.

21. Read an entire book. Make yourself actually finish it.

22. Put together a first aid kit to keep in your car.

23. Learn how to bake an apple pie. If you start now, you can perfect it by the 4th of July!

24. Plan a road trip. Anywhere is acceptable, as long as there is good music and good snacks involved.

25. Experiment with making different iced teas. 

26. Go stargazing. It's a summer cliche for a reason!

27. Print a few of the 10,000 pictures you have on your phone. Download the Shutterfly app, they're always running free print specials.

28. Buy or make someone a gift without having a special occasion to do so. 

29. Remember you favorite thing about summer as a kid. Make time to do that before September rolls around.

30. Have an 80's movie marathon.

31. Make a list of all the places you can get to on one tank of gas. When you have a free afternoon, look at your list!

How will you be spending your May?