August is this beautiful pause in the year. Not quite all summer, not quite all fall. It's still roughly ten million degrees outside, but the stores are filled with back to school supplies. I love this month. It's full of my favorite summer things with the slowly creeping in anticipation that all my favorite fall things are right around the corner. It's a good month.
Question: What if this could be the month that could change everything?
Second question: Why can't this be the month that changes everything?
August.
What a beautiful month to do something amazing.
Some of us, the amazing thing we need to do involves doing. It involves getting up early and putting in the time and working harder than usual and checking things off a to-do list. It is important and sacred and requires hard work.
Some of us, the amazing thing we need to do involves less doing. It involves slowing down, learning to take deep breaths, saying no more, pushing some things off of our plate. It is important and sacred and requires hard work.
Take a few moments today and be honest with yourself: What do you need from August? And what does August need from you?
You're the only one who can answer that question. You know what you need to do more of and you know what you need to do less of. You know where you're not pushing yourself enough and where you're completely overwhelmed. So take stock of that and decide - you're going to have a good freaking month. August? It's gonna be your month.
Let's welcome this month with open arms. Let's leave whatever hard things happened in July in July and welcome the fresh start of new beginnings.
Let's be so open to the magic that August has to offer.
Happy August, beauties.
"To not dance when you had the health and could hear the music could be the biggest regret of your life."
I read that quote this week and it got me RIGHT in the feels. I think we should remember that this weekend.
Don't get so bogged down with life that you forget to enjoy it.
Some seasons feel like to-do list after to-do list after to-do list. I get it. If you watched my instagram stories yesterday, you know that I spent a good amount of the morning trying to dry off a ceiling my toddler soaked because he wanted it to rain in the house. So I get it. There wasn't a whole lot of room for dancing yesterday.
But maybe there should have been.
I get so caught up in the thought of day-to-day life having to be one or the other: It can be fun or it can be productive. It can be relaxing or it can be serious. It can be a dance party or it can be hard work.
But honestly, I think it's about it being both.
Chase the dream. Do the work. Eat the salad. Drink the water. Be disciplined. But enjoy life, too.
Do the laundry (because someone has to), but also sit in the sunshine. Go to work (because, mortgage), but dance it out to your favorite song when you get home. Exercise (because, health), but eat some pizza if you want it.
Life, after all, is meant to be lived.
So dance if you want. Wear what you want. Laugh way too loud when you're happy. And don't, for one second, care what anyone else might be saying about it.
Because you can hear the music, and there's life to be lived.
Just wanna start out by saying this is one of my BIGGEST struggles in life, so I'm 10,000% preaching to the choir here. But this is something I've been thinking a lot about recently.
Who would you be if you cared a little less about what other people think?
I think we are all created to be these incredible people. I think we are built with the ability to accomplish amazing things. I also think there are certain things we do that can take away from that.
It's kind of like this: My body was made to be functional. It can do all the things it was made to do. But if I actively choose to stop drinking water, things are going to go downhill fast. It's no longer going to do the things it was capable of. Not because it wasn't good enough, but because of something I did (or in this case, didn't do) to it.
That's how worrying about what other people think is for me. It dehydrates me, to be cheesy and specific. It paralyzes me. I'm no longer able to do all the things I know I'm capable of doing. It dims whatever light I'm shining. It takes the amazing person I could be and cuts her in about half, because half of an amazing person seems safer, quieter, less likely to be gossiped about.
...Isn't that a shame?
And even though I know it's a shame, it's still a struggle for me. I can write this post and believe every word and I'm still going to wake up tomorrow and at least once worry about what someone else thinks of me. I'm working on it, but it's hard for me.
So instead of trying to figure out ways to stop worrying about what other people think, I'm asking myself: Who would I be if I cared just a little bit less about it?
Worrying about what other people think of me is probably never going to fully go away. But. What if I cared about the answer a tiny bit less? Who would that version of me be?
Would she be braver? Would she post more? Write more? Would she be happier? Are there things she would stop doing because she doesn't love them? Would she be more of the person she was created to be? Would she accomplish more? I think so.
That's the person I want to be. So I'm going to let that motivate me. I think you should do the same.
Ask yourself, honestly: Who would you be if you cared a little less about what other people think?
Take stock of the things you are consuming. || If you want to be a professional speaker, and the mega successful professional speakers you follow online are making you feel not good enough instead of inspired, it may be time to unfollow for a little bit. If you're trying to make it as a blogger, and the giant bloggers you follow are making you look at everything that's wrong with you instead of propelling you forward, maybe a little less of looking at their pictures and a little more finding things to consume that are encouraging to you.
There are seasons when all the bikini models on instagram couldn't make me feel bad about myself, and there are seasons when seeing a stranger on instagram with a cute haircut can send me into tears over a bad hair day. Know your seasons. Pay attention to them.
Reevaluate who you're spending the most time with. || Let me tell you something - your circle should make you feel like more than enough. They should hype you up way too much. You should leave any time spent with them feeling like you can take on the whole world.
If I believe the things my mom says, it's only a matter of time before I write a book that lands on the NYT bestseller list. If I believe my best friend, I'm the hottest person that ever walked the face of this earth every time I wear something cute. That's how it should be! So many things in this world are going to make you feel like you're not enough - the people you choose to do life with should not be one of them.
Say it out loud! || Sometimes we have to say a doubt out loud in order to kill it. When you're feeling like you're not enough, speak the actual words out loud. Say it out loud to your friend: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. Talk it out. Make yourself talk out how you're feeling inadequate, and make yourself listen while they tell you how adequate you are. Say it out loud alone in your car: I feel like I'm not good enough for this. And then have a good laugh that you're worried over something so insignificant.
Ask yourself - Is this real? || This is something I've learned this year and is maybe the most powerful tool I've ever known about. Ask yourself: Is this real?
Are you really not good enough? For example, lets say you're feeling not good enough at your job. Ask yourself and answer honestly: Are you not good enough for your job?
Are you getting all your work done? Able to complete assignments without a problem? No complaints from your boss? Cool, you're good enough! Move on from that worry. Every time you come back to it, remind yourself of the reasons it's not real, and move on again.
Are you not getting your work done on time? Really struggling with simple assignments? Your boss complaining about it? Okay, you might not be good enough for your job - YET. Get a plan to fix that! Take a class, meet with people who are good at what you're trying to become good at, and work.
Every time the worry that you're not good enough pops up, acknowledge it, then remind yourself that you've got a plan to fix that and you're working on it.
Do one thing that builds your confidence. || It feels good to do things we're good at. Are you good at writing? Write something. Baking? Bake your neighbors some cookies. Running? Lace on up. Do something you have confidence in to remind yourself how good enough you are.
What do you when you feel like you're not enough?
Happy July! The epitome of all summer month starts today, and I just wanted to pop in and say: Hi, I think we should make it the best ever.
Today is the first day of a brand new month, AND it's a Monday. Fresh month, fresh week. If you were looking for a sign that a fresh start is okay, this is probably it.
So, fresh starts all around! Let's choose to make the best of those and have the best July ever.
Choose.
Choose to have the best July ever, regardless of the circumstances.
Choose to have the best July ever, regardless of if your life looks like you'd hoped it would this month.
Choose to have the best July ever, regardless of how crappy June was to you.
Choose to have the best July ever because you deserve an amazing month.
Side note, I want you to know that I'm writing this in sweatpants, having woken up with a sore throat and no voice thanks to some kind of sinus junk Jack passed on to me. I've got a lot of work that has to get done today, a very messy house that desperately needs to get cleaned, and I was up all night because I couldn't breathe through my nose.
All of that to say, I'm not writing about choosing to have the best July ever while I'm in a bikini on the beach without a care in the world. I mean, yes, I do think that would be the best. But whatever your July looks like...whatever it honestly looks like, not what it looks like through a highlight reel on instagram, or what it looks like on the weekends, or what it looks like when you have company...but what your July actually, honestly looks like...that can be the best ever too. You just have to choose it.
Choose to work hard at what you need to work hard at this month. Choose to take care of yourself in the ways you need to. Choose to do the things that make you happy, no matter what anyone else thinks. Read a book, sit in the sun, get in your pajamas early because they make you happy, meet your work quota because you're a freaking boss, celebrate your achievements big and small.
31 fresh, new, sunshiny summer days. Let's make them the best ever.
I love a good support system. Friends or family or anybody who believes in you and cheers you on, there's nothing like it.
BUT.
You HAVE to learn how to be a support for yourself. To be your own cheerleader.
I'm learning this big time. I love writing about things I'm currently learning, because it's kind of like we're all in this together, you know?
I'll say this: I have an incredible support system. Family that has my back no matter what and friendships people write books about and DANG I just love them. But if I'm not also supporting myself, then that doesn't really matter, does it? And if I'm my own support system, then outside support and cheerleaders are extra icing on the cake. And who doesn't love a little extra icing?
So far, here's what I'm learning about how to be my own supports system:
Talk about it. || Talk about what you need. What you're working on. What your dreams are. How you've succeeded. How you're trying. Talk about it often. Whether to others or just to yourself, keep it at the forefront.
Encourage yourself. || With your words, with your actions, with your thoughts. Every time you think you can't do it, remind yourself that you can. Every time you face something difficult, remind yourself of all the difficult things you've already survived. Turning to a friend for encouragement is a wonderful option. But being able to encourage yourself? That's the JAM.
Speak highly of yourself. || How you talk about yourself matters. How your talk TO yourself matters.
Show yourself love. || Knowing your partner's love language is awesome. Knowing how to show your friends love is great. But what's your love language? Gifts? Save money to buy yourself awesome things. Quality time? Turn your phone off and read a book. However you receive love the best, make sure you're showing yourself love in that way.
Fill your life with things that lift you up. || If your friend was having a bad day, would you send her funny memes? Look them up for yourself! If you were walking through Target and saw a book on a topic your best friend was really struggling with, wouldn't you buy it for her and slip it in the mail? Buy yourself that book, sis.
Remove the things that bring you down. || Surrounding yourself with uplifting things isn't enough. No, if you're going all the way in on supporting yourself, then you've gotta get rid of the things that bring you down. The friend that's always dragging you down to their level of complaining about how miserable life is? It's time for some space. The people you follow on social media that give you anxiety? Unfollow button. Just because something isn't "bad" doesn't mean it's healthy for you, right now, at this time.
I'm sure I'll learn a hundred and four new ways to do this. I'm sure I'll fail a lot, too. But I'm learning and trying, and you should too. You're amazing. I can tell you all day long you're amazing. Those closest to you can spend their whole lives talking about just how amazing you are. But when push comes to shove, you need to believe how amazing you are.
But hey, in the meantime...I'm totally not going to stop talking about how amazing you are.
I'm a big believer that we don't give ourselves enough credit. When we accomplish things, we tend to shrug it off by thinking we could have done more, or that we should have accomplished it sooner. When we grow and get better at things, we rarely every acknowledge it. And you know what? That's dumb.
So I have a question for you: What are you better at now than you were last year?
What's something you sucked at this time last year, but now you're okay at it? What's something you were pretty good at 365 days ago, but now you're killing the whole dang game with?
Here's my list:
Taking breaks. || This time last year, I viewed breaks as a luxury. Now, I view them as a necessity. Enjoying life is important. The dishes will wait, I promise. It's better to have a messy room and a calm brain than the other way around. Taking a few minutes to go for a walk, or listen to a podcast, or sit down and read a book adds so much value and peace to a day.
Saying no. || Even more importantly, saying no without letting guilt and anxiety over it ruin my week. I'm learning my limits, and really learning that saying yes to something just because I feel like I have to is unfair to both me and the person I'm saying yes to.
Being a mom. || I'm a better mom now than I was last year. It's way harder than it was last year, but also I've known Jack for a year longer! We're figuring it out! And also I've completely (like, completely) let go of the whole pinterest-perfect-mom dream and that's helped a ton.
Worrying less about what other people think. || I honestly hope I get better at this every year, because it is so. dang. freeing.
Taking things day by day. || At my core, I'm a planner. I love having a plan for everything. But I live a life that can rarely be planned more than a week or two out, if that. And this caused me so much frustration for a really long time. But I've gotten to a place where I take things one day at a time. Would I still love a longterm plan for literally everything? Absolutely. But I'm able to enjoy the present more than I was able to do last year.
Your turn! What are you better at now than you were this time last year?!
The biggest thing I have been learning (so far!) in 2019 is about filling my cup. There are things in life that fill your cup and there are things that don't. There are people who fill your cup and there are people who don't. When you put it that way, it should be easy, right? But alas, this is the real world, where we have very real obligations and responsibilities.
We can't just Marie Kondo away our jobs and responsibilities and mortgages (this doesn't bring me joy, BYE), so it's super important to be intentional about filling your cup.
A list of things that have filled my cup lately:
The library
New bedding
Time in the sunshine
Spending time with friends
Reading
Audiobooks
Brainstorming fun projects
Thrifting
Candles
Face masks
Podcasts
Beach days
Are all of these things paying my bills? No. Are they all technically productive? Nope. Are they making me a happier version of myself? YES. And that's just so important.
I might know next to nothing about your life, but I bet if I guessed that a good portion of it was full of doing things for other people and responsibilities that were draining, I'd be right. So take things into your own hands. Don't wait for someone else to fill your cup.
Your cup is gonna run low sometimes. That's life. Pay attention to what makes you happy, what brings you peace, what leaves you feeling refreshed. Then do those things, because you care about yourself.
You deserve a full cup. It's as simple as that.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. One of my favorite quotes is, "When you have more than you need, build a bigger table, not a higher fencer." I love that and I think it's so true. HOWEVER. In the same way I believe that, I also believe that not everyone gets a spot at your table.
Your life is yours. Sure, you work for other people and live with other people and probably take care of other people. But at the end of the day, your life is yours, and who you share it with is entirely up to you. You're in charge of who gets to sit down at your table and eat. And while I believe in love and kindness and open arms, I also believe in protecting the preciousness that is your life.
Growing up, when it came to bad friends, my mom was constantly quoting the Proverb to me, "Do not cast your pearls before swine." Meaning, if you put expensive and beautiful jewels down in front of pigs, they're not going to appreciate them, and they're probably going to get them filthy. Same goes for your life - there are some people who aren't going to appreciate it.While I kind of understood the thought behind that then, it's something I truly understand in my adult life. Just like pigs don't deserve pearls, there are some people who just don't deserve a front row seat to your life.
The friend that makes you feel bad about yourself? She doesn't deserve a seat at your table.
The girl you follow online who constantly makes you feel like you are not enough? Your table is not for her.
The toxic person in your life who hurts you? He can go now.
The coworker who you have to see at work, but is always talking down to you and making you feel less than? They are uninvited from your table.
The guy who ghosted you? NO SEAT FOR HIM.
Guys, you don't have to do it. You don't have to share your life with everyone. You don't have to live a draining life just to please others.
And let's be honest, that's what it does. It drains you. Having too many people at your table drains you. Trying to entertain and please and pacify people who have no business being up close and personal in your life drains you. Your life is worth so much more than that. You are worth so much more than that!
Yes, we should be loving. Yes, we should be kind. Yes, we should be inclusive and open to others. HOWEVER. When someone shows you who they are...when they show you what their intentions are, when they show you how they plan on treating you...believe them.
Your table? It's amazing. Those chairs at your table? VIP SEATING, BABY. Fill them wisely.
Just wanted to say good morning, you.
You, who had a hellish week last week: Good morning. It's a new week, and my fingers are crossed with you that this week will be so much better. You're a champion for walking through last week. Look at all you survived! You may not see it yet, but it made you stronger. I'm so proud of you.
You, who is overwhelmed by everything going on in your life right now: Good morning. Take a deep breath. You've got this. Wanna know how I know you've got this? Because you've made it this far! All those things on your plate, all the people and circumstances fighting for your attention, all the items on your to-do list that make your feel like you are absolutely going to drown today...they won't be the end of you. You'll be okay. Slow down a little today, wherever you can. Take a walk, turn your phone on do not disturb, drink a cup of coffee. Five minutes can make all the difference. Take care of yourself today. I promise, the things you don't get done aren't going to be the end of the world.
You, who feels stuck. Who thought your life would look so different than it does. Who feels disappointed in yourself. Good morning. You are alive, you are here, and that is amazing. Stop comparing yourself and your journey to other people and their journey. You may not have reached your goals yet, but if you're working on them, then that's what matters. Progress, not perfection. Keep going.
You, who is carrying the heaviest burdens. Who doesn't get to leave the hell in last week, because you're walking through it as we speak. Good morning. I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I want to remind you that joy and sorrow can coexist. That you're allowed to feel happiness, and that it doesn't take away from the hurt of what you are going through. I also want to tell you that I fully believe you're going to make it through this, that you're going to get to the other side, but that in no way takes away from how much it sucks right now.
Good morning. You've got this.
"Deep breaths, you're doing great!"
I've been going on walks with Jack every morning because the weather has been straight up magical. Yesterday, we passed a woman walking with a tiny little one year old, one who was just learning to walk. He was holding on to the wagon she was pulling, taking the slowest, smallest steps, and falling down a LOT.
"Yay! Deep breaths, you're doing great!"
She cheered him on, and even though there was no way he knew what she was saying, no way to know what a deep breath was or how he should take one, she kept saying it. It was sweet and comforting, and he kept getting back up. And he kept trying again.
Deep breaths, you're doing great.
I know that you're trying. You're trying to eat healthier, you're trying to get sober, you're trying to be a good mom. You're trying to get a raise, you're trying to chase a dream, you're trying to be better.
I know you're trying because I know I'm trying.
Deep breaths, you're doing great.
I also know that you're failing. You ate the whole basket of bread, you drank too much wine, you yelled at your kid. You dropped the ball at work, you put that big dream on the back burner, you accidentally haven't even thought about exercising in two months.
I know you're failing because I'm failing.
Deep breaths, you're doing great.
Failing is just part of the gig as a human. But you're trying! And just like there's no way that sweet little bub could learn to walk without first going through the wobbly, fall down a lot stage, there's no way you can get to the other side of your goal without going through a similar stage. Falling down, getting back up, wobbling a little bit, trying again.
But I hope, every time you fail, your voice is kind to yourself. Just like you would never see that little guy trying to learn to walk and yell at him in disgust, demanding perfection, I hope you don't do that to yourself. I hope the next time you hit a setback, your voice is the same as his mom's voice was, proud and encouraging.
Deep breaths.
You're doing great.
I'd venture to say last week was a heavy week for almost everyone. The damage this hurricane has caused is truly awful. The political climate is r o u g h. Just lots of heavy, hard things.
I posted on instagram a little while ago about giving the good airtime. The general gist being that if you're going to call out the bad, call out the good, too.
I used to think that focusing on little happy things when big bad things were happening meant you were being insensitive, or naive. Now, I think it means you're trying your best to survive the hard things.
You know how when you spend time with a friend who is negative, you leave and just feel exhausted? Like when someone only says the bad things out loud over and over, it's so draining? I think we (unintentionally) create that environment for ourselves sometimes.
We do a realllllly good job of giving the bad airtime. We complain (out loud) about things as simple as getting caught by red lights, our alarm not going off, the grocery store being out of something we needed. We say things like I'm so tired and longest day ever over and over. And you know, that's fine! That's life. But if we're gonna give the small, not so great things so much airtime, we owe the small good things the same.
So, in the spirit of giving the good some airtime:
It was 53 degrees when I woke up on Saturday. MAGICAL.
Fall TV is back on. Has anyone watched Manifest?! It's so good!
I have some really, really good friends. A close friend of mine texted me on Thursday that she was having a bad day and just wanted to come over and sit in my backyard. So we did, and it was the best afternoon. And it reminded me of how much of a blessing it is to have people in my life that I can just sit outside with and talk about life and it fill me up so much.
It's pumpkin patch season. AKA I'm in tears over how much I love Jack because he is SO DANG CUTE and something about kids around pumpkins just melts me.
I'm in the middle of a hilarious good book. Like, I want to skip all my responsibilities today and just read it. That's how you know it's a good one.
Your turn! Tell me one good thing (or seven good things or every good thing - just give them some airtime!)
I'm in a group chat with my three best friends. It's full of memes, embarrassing stories, and venting sessions. But, when you need it to be, it's the best pep talk ever.
My friend Kayla started a fitness motivation group where a group of Instagram friends hold each other accountable to their goals-fitness and otherwise. It's inspiring and convicting and has been so good for me.
I just finished Girl, Wash Your Face and am truly overflowing with inspiration from it. It has kept me awake at night in the best way possible. It has pushed me and fueled me and made me write things down and dream out loud and believe in myself.
All of those things together have cumulated in me feeling like I can do anything. They've got me feeling so inspired and my cup is overflowing with belief in myself and my dreams. I've been waking up in the morning with my brain resembling The Little Engine That Could, saying over and over, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
Maybe your cup isn't feeling too full right now. Maybe you don't have an awesome group chat that talks you up when you need it. Maybe you're not riding the high of some "you can do it!" book. Maybe the thought of saying (and believing) "I think I can" seems false and overwhelming.
That's okay.
I think you can.
Everyone deserves a support system. Everyone deserves cheerleaders in their life when things get hard and they get tired. Everyone deserves someone who will make you believe in yourself, no matter what.
And if you can't find that anywhere in your life right now...not in a book or a podcast or a group or a friend or a therapist's office or within yourself...if that voice is missing from your life, let me just be a stand-in today, okay?
I truly, truly think you can.
That business you want to launch? I think you can. The amount of money you're trying to save to allow you to be a stay-at-home parent? I think you can. The book you're trying to write? I think you can. The benchmark you're trying to reach with your business this year? I think you can. That vacation home you want to buy so you can fulfill your dream of retiring by the beach? I think you can.
I think you can do it because I think I can do it. I don't say that lightly, I don't gloss over it like a pretty and pink inspiring quote on Pinterest that I love in the moment and then never read again. I really, honestly, in the depths of my soul believe we can do it. I believe if we truly try, really give it our all, we can do it. And if we're not gonna try, what the heck are we doing here?
I hope you have the best support system in the whole world. I hope you're surrounded by encouragers who are constantly reminding you that you can do these things. But I also know there's a good chance that that's not the case.
So hey, let me be a loud, honest voice in your ear today: You can do it.
A few months ago (I believe Steph shared it) I read a blog post that said, "The majority of people will not work a job that sets their soul on fire, and that is okay." At first, it made me really sad. Then, it was kind of a relief.
We tend to act as if our jobs are the most important part of life. Maybe not consciously, but with our actions. Example: Maybe you love painting. You're an amazing (or just okay) painter. It makes you happy like nothing else. It soothes you. It makes you come alive. But. You can't get a job as a painter. So you stop painting.
WHAT?! No!
I have been incredibly blessed with my job, and I love it for many, many reasons. However, my job is not writing. And that's okay.
It's okay that writing doesn't pay my bills. It's okay that my job doesn't solely consist of doing the thing that sets my soul on fire more than anything else. What would not be okay would be stopping doing that one thing just because it doesn't pay my bills. Because my soul deserves to be excited and alive and on fire. So does yours.
Tomorrow, my best friend and I are headed to D.C. for a concert. I love trips. I love going new places, seeing new things, eating at new places. I love concerts. I love dancing and singing outside.
Is dancing and singing at a concert going to pay my bills? Nope. Quite the opposite, actually. But is it going to fill me up with happiness? You bet.
In a world getting increasingly darker, do the things you love. Do them often. You are hopefully pouring your cup out to make the world a better place in whatever way you can, so do the things you love and fill that cup back up.
I love watching the sunset, going swimming, eating dinner on patios outside. I love blogging, painting my nails fun colors, going thrifting. I love beach days, listening to the music with the windows down, candles that smell like summer.
Are any of those things going to fix the world? No.
Are they important? Yes.
Do what you love, friends. It's important.
As I'm writing this, Jack has his first ever stomach virus. It's awful and seriously so, so sad. It's been a rough 24 hours (I'll spare you details, but I've gone through three bottles of carpet cleaner).
But the weekend before he got sick was so much fun. We took Jack to Universal, ate the best food, watched him splash around the Curious George park. I mean, look at this picture. Pure joy.
The day before Jack got sick, I had the best day with my best friend. We laid by the pool, went to Goodwill, ate Taco Bell (let me live). It was great.
And today I'm cleaning up puke.
In short, it's been the best week and the worst week.
But that's life, you know? Ups and downs. Good and bad.
If you were to give me a snapshot of life right now, it may look something like this:
Chels, you're riddled with anxiety, have entirely too much on your plate, spend most of your time with a two-year-old that you are often completely clueless about, haven't accomplished a lot of your goals, overdrew your bank account last week, and girl, your face is breaking out like whoa.
Well doesn't that make me want to run for the hills?
It may also look something like this:
Chels, you're fighting anxiety like a freakin' champ. You have such good friends, near and far. You are proud of yourself. You're steadily working on your goals every day. You live in the sunshine state, you have pool days often. Your days are filled with the sweetest, tiny human, good books, work that pays for a wonderful home, and lots of laughter.
Okay, now that I can get on board with.
Both of those are true. Both of those are facts. But one sure looks better than the other, doesn't it?
It's all about perspective, friends.
Want to fall in love with your life? Check your perspective.
For me, the last two years have been full of the very best moments and the very most gut-wrenching things. When I look back at the terrible stuff, there is not one single thing in the whole bunch I could've changed. Every one of them was out of my control.
My perspective is always in my control. Yours is always in your control.
So try it. It's free. It takes very little effort. And it could be life-changing. What do you have to lose?
I know you're overwhelmed. I know you're tired. I know things aren't panning out the way you had hoped. And sure, you can focus on that. You can replay your bad luck on a loop in your mind. You can fill your days with looking at all the ways life has been unfair to you. All the ways you're not good enough. The places you've really dropped the ball.
Or.
You can look at the greatness around you. You can replay that wonderful weekend with friends on a loop, because wow, aren't you lucky to have them? You can focus on how amazing you are, how strong you are, how hard you're trying. How it's pretty amazing that you've made it this far. How lovely it is to live in a world with good books and chocolate and sunshine and your favorite song.
Both are true. Both are facts.
But one sure sounds a lot better than the other, doesn't it?
A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine found a listing for what was very close to her dream job. She was under qualified, and she wasn't really looking for a job, but still. Her dream job.
We talked for days about whether she was going to apply or not. Could it hurt to just try? Wouldn't it be embarrassing when they saw she wasn't exactly the type of candidate they were looking for? But wouldn't she regret letting this opportunity pass without trying?
After a few days of talking about all the reasons it was a bad idea, she went for it. She cleaned up her resume, wrote a cover letter, and put herself out there.
Within an hour (I'm not kidding - a single hour), they'd emailed her back and let her know her qualifications weren't enough for the job.
She took a risk. She wasn't successful. But it was still worth it.
Because you know what? Her resume is updated. She realized she was excited about the possibility of a new job. She now knows rejection doesn't kill her. And the next time she comes across a risk worth taking, it'll be easier.
Taking a risk doesn't have to pan out to be worth it.
Go to a new workout class that you very well may embarrass yourself in. Or, that you very well may fall in love with.
Ask someone on a date. Really, do it. They might say no, or you might have the best night of your life.
Apply for that job. You may be underqualified, or you may land yourself a dream job.
If nothing else - even if you fail spectacularly and nothing good ever comes from it - it's a reminder that you can take risks. That you're alive and moving forward and not stagnant.
Take a risk. You deserve it.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I touched on it a little bit here, and have been mulling it over all week.
There's an overwhelming amount of things I think we could all agree we should strive for: Being healthy, being a good friend, being a good employee, being a good parent.
There are things that we could probably all agree that are good to strive for: Keeping your house clean, eating things that are good for you, responding to emails on time.
I'll tell you this for sure: There's no feasible way to do everything (or to even try to do everything) that everyone thinks is good for you to do.
But there's one thing we can all do, and it's a really good place to start:
You can strive to be the best version of yourself.
The best thing you can be is the best version of yourself. Not the best version of someone else. Not a compilation of traits you admire from people you look up to. But the best version of you.
I don't know why this has been such a lightbulb moment kinda thing for me, but it really has been.
When you're not trying to be authentically, fully yourself, you're way more susceptible to not feeling enough, because your focus is going to fall on others and the ways you admire them, but aren't like them. Comparison is a lot less of a weapon when you're working to be the best you.
This is something new I'm trying, so I don't really have any advice to write out in bullet points here. But we can try it together, yeah?
What does the best version of me look like physically? Mentally? Spiritually? The happiest me? The most alive me?
If we could be the best ourselves have to offer in these areas, or even in one of these areas, I think we'd be in a much better place, don't you?
You are a really, really amazing person. Cheers to being the best version of that person.
Someone said this to me a few days ago, and it really shifted my perspective. So I wanted to pay it forward and pass it along to you too, just in case you're like me and need someone to hit you with some truth every now and then.
If you are reading this, you are alive. You are living and breathing. You are still here, on this earth, living out a life.
Chances are, it is not a perfect life. Chances are, it probably isn't even close to perfect. You probably don't have a career that fulfills you daily, or a picture-perfect relationship. You probably have had more trials and issues that you ever would have chosen for yourself.
But.
You are alive.
When something happens often, we tend to start to take it for granted. Since every day we wake up is a day we're alive, it's easy to stop recognizing it as an incredible thing. It's easy to stop thinking about what a marvelous chance each day is. It's simple to just fall into monotony, day in and day out.
But.
You are alive.
I'm saying this to myself just as much as I'm saying it to you: Please, please, please view this as the precious gift that it is. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Stop worrying about things that won't matter a month from now. You are too precious to waste your time like that.
You are alive.
What a gift that is.
We live in a digital age that is overflowing with advice and information. Some of it great, some of it pretty good, some of it terrible, nearly all of it contradicting.
You should unplug and rest at night, because self-care. But you should also hustle late into the night, because big dreams.
You should travel anywhere you want to go, because experiences. But you should also save all of your money, because responsibility.
You should workout super hard every day, because health. But you should also not push yourself too hard, also because health.
You will see constant recommendations everywhere (even here!) and most of them are truly well-meaning. Everyone is sharing what has worked for them. And, when something works for you, you tend to want to shout it from the rooftops so it can work for everyone else, too!
Honestly, I think it's kind of amazing. I can type a few words in on my phone and within minutes have lots of suggestions on how to potty train my kid, or what to eat for clearer skin, or how to deal with friendship problems, or how to set boundaries in life.
But all of it can be just a little overwhelming.
So just a little reminder that you know you best. You know what's best to take to heart and what's best to read and file under "good for them, not for me." You know the difference between "that will be healthy for me to try" and "I want to do this so I'll be like her." You know the difference between "this will enrich my life" and "this will make my life look more like his life."
Filter all the opinions and advice and suggestions - even the good stuff - through the filter of, "what's best for me?"
A silly example: I'm allergic to pineapple. I didn't develop an allergy until I was 22, so I know exactly what I'm missing. When I look up wellness and healthy eating and building your immune system, pineapple comes up a lot. A lot of people I admire and respect and maybe even want to be like recommend pineapple. But I know if I eat pineapple, I'll die (not really, but I'll be miserable and look terrible and feel awful). So when I see people recommending pineapple, I just think, ugh you're so lucky "that's great for you, but I need to pass on that."
Do that. Figure out your pineapple. Maybe traveling stresses you out and you hate it. Maybe spending too much time alone in the name of self-care depresses you. Maybe working out daily is not good for your body. The people suggesting these things don't know you, but you know you the very best.
Do what's best for you.
Every now and then, we all need someone to pop in and remind us that we're gonna be okay. I'll be that person today.
I was talking to a friend last week about some really dark stuff that was happening, and she said, "we're gonna be okay, simply because I don't see another option. That's the only option." And she's right.
We're gonna be okay. That's the only option I accept. That we make it through the hard times and are okay. That we walk through darkness and are okay. That we trudge through bad news and heartbreak and shock and we are okay.
You are going to be okay. If things are dark, just hold on. I promise, the light comes back eventually, and you will be okay. If you feel like the people who are supposed to love you aren't doing that, I'm sorry. That sucks beyond words. But hold on, because you are going to be okay.
You woke up today, and that's a really great start. And maybe the sun is shining, and it feels amazing. Or maybe the weather is gloomy and it's the perfect cozy weather. Maybe you'll have a really great cup of coffee, or eat your favorite dinner. Whatever today has in store for you, there's something about it that can be considered okay. Good, even.
I think sometimes we need to confront the shortness of life. To look it right in the face and remember that this is all painfully temporary. And I refuse to spend the short time we have here believing anything other than this: We're all gonna be okay.
