I've been looking ahead for so long. It's something that I've tried to stop, because I just want to squeeze every bit of life out of each day and savor it, but sometimes, that's futile. Sometimes you have no choice but to look ahead.
Med-school is full of look-ahead moments. There are countdowns and milestones, and each time you round a corner, someone is there to ask you to make a decision about the future. Chris was constantly coming home with some big decision to make, we were constantly having late night talks about what next month would look like, what the next year would include. Plan, rush, countdown, get through it, look ahead. For four years.
So I have a lot of wishes for you.
I wish to never, ever take this wonderful space for granted. I hope that I always remember how giddy I felt during the first week of waking up here. How it felt like a breath of fresh air after being in a tiny studio for so long. I wish to wake up each day and think, "Today feels like a wonderful day to not look ahead. Today feels like the perfect day to just love everything about today."
I wish for a million perfect little moments. And a million imperfect ones, too. Moments of baby smiles, toddler giggles, little boy laughs. Moments of happiness and love and contentment.
I wish to make this a home-a perfect home that reflects my little family so well. But I hope that my desire for that never leads me to feel like I need all new, expensive things.
I wish for late nights and early nights. For nights when inspiration strikes and lazy nights. I wish for the warm feeling of home to never go away.
I hope that here, Jack will have the most amazingly fun childhood. That you will host imaginary friends and forts and a thousand different endings to, "When I grow up, I want to be..." I wish that our time here, however long it may be, will be so special that for the rest of his life, he'll remember the memories he makes here.
I wish for a lifetime full of memories here. For the office to be filled with words and stories and dreams coming true. For the kitchen to be filled with the occasional burnt dinners and the hustle and bustle of hosting holidays. For the living room to hold the laughter and buzz that comes with opening presents on Christmas morning. For days curled up on the couch, for nights spent outside swaying in a hammock by the fire.
But mostly, I just wish to live all of it. To not want to rush to the next stage. To not feel the need to look ahead.
I have a lot of wishes for you.
And I have a feeling that you, you perfect, wonderful home that showed up right on time, are going to be the perfect place for all of them to come true.
