It's Okay to Change Your Mind About What You Want.

Yesterday, I wrote the last part of Jack's birth story (coming soon!). I spent the day remembering a thousand tiny details about his first few days. How he smiled in his sleep while they were rolling me to our room. How we had to go to Publix after being released to pick up my prescription and I just kept looking at him, thinking, "We keep him? This tiny little thing?" And being a mix a pure happiness at getting to keep his perfection and pure terror at the responsibility of keeping him alive. How I woke up disoriented from the first nap I took on our first day home, asking Chris if the nurse had come back by, and he said "You don't know what you're talking about. Come look at your baby."

I spent Saturday afternoon splashing around in this pool with that same little baby, who's almost six months old now. He splashes and laughs and yells and jumps, and then he naps in the shade while I sit in the sun (PSA: That pool was $20 at Toys-R-Us. BEST 20 dollars I've ever spent). It's not a way that I ever thought I'd be spending my afternoons, but it's the absolute best. 

Here's the thing, you guys: I didn't want a baby. 

I know that feels kind of taboo to say, but it's the truth. A baby wasn't in my plans. 

Here's the other thing: My life feels perfect now. 

I know that one's taboo to say, so let me reassure you, my life is freaking far from perfect. I am exhausted and playing a continual game of catch-up and still having to learn how to actual do the whole mom thing.

But on days like this, where I hold him and he splashes around and laughs and then he watches cartoons while I write and then we all go for a walk when Chris gets home...it feels pretty dang close to perfect. 

And to think...it's a life I never even wanted. 

All of that to say: It's okay to change your mind about what you want. I'm not just talking about having babies, although if you change your mind one way or the other about that, good for you! It's okay.

If you've spent your whole life talking about the career path you want to pursue, and then you get there and you don't want it at all, it's okay. You are under no obligation to stick to an earlier dream. 

If you've always talked about how you would never willingly live in your hometown again, then you wake up one day and feel like it's the perfect place to settle down, good for you! It's okay. 

If you've worked your butt off to go to law school and suddenly realize you'd rather study microbiology or creative writing, good for you! It's okay.

This is your life. You're the one who has to live here. So if one day, you change your mind about what you've always thought you've wanted, you owe it to yourself to go for it. To change your career or to move to another country or to switch roommates or to take up that one hobby you've always made fun of. 

I'm here to tell you: Sometimes the life that is at the opposite end of the spectrum of the life you thought you wanted is the exact life that you need. 

So change your mind. It's okay.