"Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes the tree." That's Cam Eubanks' instagram bio and I laugh every time I see it, and every time I read it, it reminds me of parenthood.
Let me paint you a picture of my Saturday.
On my way to meet my friend Sam at the mall, Jack passed our hard. This was perfect, because he slept in his stroller all through our shopping. When we were done and he was still sleeping, I decided to get a little greedy and extend the trip to TJ Maxx.
I was fighting the leftovers of a migraine, so I swung through the drive-thru on my way and ordered an extra-large diet coke. I was at TJ Maxx before I realized my giant, oversized cup did not come with a straw, so after a few messy tries of sipping out of the side of the monster cup, I left in in the car. Now, I'm gonna stop past me right here and tell her that she should have accepted this bad omen and driven her still-sleeping kid straight home where she has plenty of straws.
Instead, I went into TJ Maxx, where Jack woke up almost instantly. After a few minutes of a fussy toddler, I think he might be telling me he has to go to the bathroom. The joys of potty training, you know?
I'm trying to fit the stroller through the bathroom door when he runs ahead and locks himself in a stall. Okay, not ideal, but at least he's taking initiative! Positivity! I try to unlock the door from the outside, no luck. I knock on the door and ask him to unlock it and am met with an emphatic, "nope!" Luckily, no one else was in there, so I decided to wait a minute and let him do his thing.
After a minute or two, I knocked on the door again. This time I was met with silence, which everyone knows is way worse than a "nope!" Okay, time to escalate this.
As someone who frequently locks myself out of dressing rooms, I'm no stranger to this move. I mean, it's not usually on a sticky public bathroom floor, but I just won't think about that. I lay on the floor and slide under the door...except I don't. Instead, I get stuck. I don't fit under this door. From this angle, though, I can see Jack.
This child is butt naked. Just standing there, chillin' with the toilet, sans clothes.
Now, there are not many times I wonder what my life would look without a kid. But I'd be lying to you if I said that the thought didn't cross my mind, while laying on a dirty bathroom floor, stuck under a stall, staring at a naked toddler: I wonder what all the non-moms are doing this fine Saturday?
Of course, my thought was interrupted by someone coming in to use the bathroom. I tried to gracefully remove myself from my stuck position, but I'm sure it looked more like a wild animal scurrying away from something. I tried to explain what was going on, but she didn't care, and just waved me off while going into the stall next to Jack.
I'm standing outside Jack's stall, trying to figure out my next move, when she screams.
"HE'S NAKED."
Turns out, while I was too big to climb under the stall, Jack was not. But instead of climbing out to me, he climbed into a strangers stall.
Me: I'm so sorry!
Her: He's naked!
Me: He's potty training!
Her: He's naked!
Me: He's naked.
The screaming sent Jack right back into his stall, and I had to shamefully avoid eye contact while the woman came out glaring at me. A few minutes later, I thought to use my keys to try to pop the lock open, and it worked like a charm.
I have never fled a TJ Maxx so fast in my life. But, in my hustle to get the heck outta there, I pulled onto the highway before I realized Jack was holding my keys. "Hey, Mama!"
He threw them to me and they landed in the giant, uncovered cup of diet coke, which then went all over my car, my clothes, my face, and in my eyes. Happy Saturday to me.
What can I say? Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the tree.
He's learning to swim. This slays me with cuteness. He's learning to kick his feet, blow bubbles in the water, and push himself along the wall. Living in Florida, it's just so important for him to learn how to swim...but I had no idea it was going to be so dang cute to see.
He says, "love you, baby!" A few weeks ago, he was shutting the door and called out, "Love you, baby!" before he shut it. Hilarious. I say that to him all the time, but he's started saying it to me out of the blue and it's precious. He'll also come into the room and say "Hi, baby!" and it cracks me up. Especially because he's very emphatic, so it sounds like, "Luh you, BAY - BEEEE."
He's becoming potty trained. In what will go down as maybe my greatest accomplishment to date (you think I'm kidding), Jack is almost all the way potty trained. PRAISE BE.
He calls out for things when he looks for them. He was looking for his phone (he has an old iPhone to watch movies and play games on, don't @ me) and he was going room to room calling out, "Jack's phone? Jack's phone?"
He'll skip to the end of his favorite movie on his phone to hear the credit song and then "sing" (not a single word right) along with it while he falls asleep.
He copies my workouts. We got a Bowflex, so I've been working out in the garage. He'll follow me out there, watch me for a minute, then start copying whatever I'm doing. Honestly, he kills it at squats. So funny to watch.
He wants to be Gatsby. He will circle Gatsby to see exactly how he's laying so that he can lay the same way beside him. Yesterday, he started "barking" at the vacuum. I cannot.
Tell me one of your favorite things about a role you fill (Mom? Partner? Friend? Neighbor? Let's hear it!) this week.
The last few times I've mentioned Jack, it's been in reference to his stomach virus week. In keeping with the focusing on the good (even though it's all good when it comes to him), I wanted to talk about the happier parts. My favorite things about being a mom right now.
He currently waves goodbye to literally everyone and screams BYEEEE whether they acknowledge him or not. We were at a rest stop the other day and he waved and said bye to every single car that drove by.
Chris opened the door the other day, and Jack walked up to him and say, "Hello, Chris!" and just walked away. I guess he's just heard other people say Chris? Either way, it was so funny in the moment. He seemed so grown up, it killed me.
He's talking a ton. I may have no idea what he's saying, but he certainly does. He'll say a bunch of jibberish and then pause and wait for you to say something back, and then nod like he agrees. I swoon.
When we were in Colorado last year, my mom made up a song about Colorado that they sing together. He'll randomly bust out with "Whoa whoa whoa, Colorado." The other day he was in the kitchen, crying and saying "Colorado" and pointing at the counter, where there was a bowl of avocados. I can't blame him, they're big words and sound similar. So now he asks for "Colorados" when he's hungry. RIP my heart.
I've been doing lots of yoga, and anytime I get my mat out, he runs to the closet and rolls a second mat out next to me. He mimics all the poses (and is actually pretty dang good).
Tell me your favorite thing about a role you play right now: Best friend, mom, neighbor, dog mom, co-worker, sister? Let's hear it.
Back when I asked for topics anyone would like to see me write about, someone suggested I write a "day in the life" post. Now, while I will eventually write one of those, the day I got that suggestion just so happened to be the most INSANE day with Jack, so I couldn't miss the chance to write a funny one first.
Now, while I will admit that all of these things did not happen on the same day, I DO want to point out they are all things that have absolutely happened recently. Also, I love being a mom. This is supposed to be funny. If you're going to be mean, leave me alone. Bye.
4:00 AM || Wake up to the fridge alarm going off. I'm the only adult home, so this is slightly alarming (haha, get it?) I go into the kitchen to see Jack sitting amongst a graveyard of Reece's cup wrappers. He ate EIGHTEEN Reese's cups. E I G H T E E N. Clean things up, get him back to sleep, go back to bed.
6:00 AM || Wake up to gagging noises. Realize the childproof handle on the pantry must not really be childproof, because Jack is currently emptying out what was a brand new jar of peanut butter. Wake all the way up just in time for him to throw that peanut butter up all over the bed and also on me. Jump out of the peanut butter filled bed, give him a bath, clean the carpet, and take a shower before a single cup of coffee is had.
9:20 AM || Chase him around the house while he laughs hysterically, because for the third time today, he's gotten butt-naked minutes after I got him all the way dressed. Give up. We are a nudist home now. This is life.
10:00 AM || Get Jack settled in the den with a movie so I can conference into weekly staff meeting. Try my best to selectively hit "mute" so maybe the whole staff doesn't hear Jack banging on the locked door and sobbing like I just left him out in the desert to fend for himself.
10:03 AM || The screaming stops. Unmute when I'm asked a question, just in time for the wailing to pick back up. Say, "Oh no thank you, I'm fine!" When asked if I need to step away for a minute.
10:06 AM || Give up on the selective muting. All I'm doing is muting my answers. Stare deadpanned into the camera, daring anyone to say anything about the clearly distraught child on the other side of that door.
11:15 AM || The sun is out. Take Jack outside to let him run some energy out / also work on my tan. Close eyes on hammock just in time to be startled by a male voice saying, "Um, is this yours?" Realize it's your neighbor on the other side of the fence, holding up a toy. Apologize. He holds up another toy. Apologize again as he proceeds to toss a pile of Jack's toys back into your yard. So Jack throws his toys over the fence now, that's fun.
1:45 PM || Realize Jack can now get on the counters. Find him standing on the stove, microwaving his milk.
1:47 PM || While cleaning up from his countertop expedition, realize something smells bad. Like, poop bad. Check his diaper. It's clean. Chalk it up to bad gas and keep cleaning.
1:49 PM || No, really. What is that smell?
1:58 PM || Find the smell. GOD HELP US ALL, THIS CHILD POOPED IN THE SINK.
1:59 PM || Get allllll the cleaners out, because this sink has to be SANITIZED OKAY.
2:13 PM || Finish cleaning just in time to catch Jack pouring window cleaner into the dog's bowl. Attempted murder? Perhaps. This is why I buy nontoxic cleaners.
4:12 PM || Hear a man's voice. Even though my phone is password protected, somehow Jack has facetimed my coworker.
6:34 PM || While I'm making Jack dinner, Jack is also making himself dinner. In the dog's bowl. He's poured a gallon of milk into Gatsby's food bowl and is trying to feed it to him with a spoon, like cereal. Gatsby is unappreciative, probably due to the earlier attempt on his life.
9:32 PM || He falls asleep, I put him to bed. I'd planned on tackling my to-do list once he fell asleep, but it's not happening. I last about ten minutes before I also collapse into bed.
10:14 PM || Wake up to a hand on my face. For the first time, Jack's figured out that he can come get in bed with me at night. Think, oh my gosh, I am literally with him 24/7 now. There is nothing more exhausting than this in the whole freaking world.
10:22 PM || He rolls over, pats my head, and says, "mama." Think oh my gosh, there is nothing better than this in the whole freaking world.
Parenthood is weird, y'all.
I love a good live blog. I woke up way too early today and Jack is still sleeping peacefully sprawled all over my personal space, snoozing away next to me, so it seems like a perfect morning to type one out.
I was sitting in the bathroom the other day while Jack splashed around, laughing. He's at an age where he's big enough to want to give himself a bath, but not big enough to be left alone in the tub. It's easier for me, it's harder for me. He loves baths, so I spend a lot of time sitting on the bathroom floor, watching him be amused and enamored by shampoo bubbles in a way that only a two-year-old can.
Anyway, I'm sitting on the floor when I have this thought-becoming a parent is one of the few things in life that takes one single moment and instantly changes all of the rest of your moments, forever.
I became a mom and, suddenly, every single moment after that was filled with Jack. My Tuesday nights are filled with the same things-workouts, group texts, cooking dinner-but they're also filled with sitting on the bathroom floor, making sure he's safe in the bathtub. Even when I'm not with him, he's still changed my moments-I'm in charge of leaving him with someone responsible, of checking in, of eventually going back to get him.
It's exhausting.
And fun.
And joyful.
And terrifying.
And hilarious.
And exhausting.
Someone asked me the other day, "Do you enjoy being a mom?" And I found it hard to answer. Not because I didn't know the answer, but because it has never occurred to me as a question. It felt like someone asking me, "Do you enjoy being female?" Or, "Do you enjoy having been born in America?" Things that just are. I just am.
From the moment Jack was born, I became his mom. I just am his mom, always. No matter where I am or what I'm doing.
I get a lot of comments about how it's cool that I don't let being a mom be the only part of my identity. That I do things other than only "mom things." And while that's true (and I think so important), in everything I do, I'm his mom.
I just am.
I think a big perception of becoming a parent is that suddenly, you are just a parent. Your identity becomes singular and the list of things you can't do anymore becomes long. But that's not true. You are everything that you were, everything you want to be and a parent.
My identity didn't shrink to just one thing, it expanded in everything I already was by double.
I think that's pretty cool.
Last year, I wrote this post about what I wanted for Mother's Day. Included, but not limited to: All of the sleep, a Frankenstein body situation (with my pre-baby body, my post-baby hips, and my newborn-days boobs), length-changing hair, and a new magical substance that both kept me awake but chilled me the heck out. Spoiler alert, I never got these things and they're all still on my list.
I thought it'd be fun to revisit this a year later, now that Jack is a year older, and see what I have to add to this list.
A translator. I was just talking to Michelle this week saying I had some questions for Jesus, starting with WHY do toddlers have all the feelings and emotions before they can talk and tell you what they need? A translator would be able to tell me that even though he's screaming at me and pointing at his milk in the kitchen, his "words" are telling me that he wants me to go get his toy that is too far under his bed for him to reach. Silly me.
All of the energy. All. Of. It. This is different than all of the coffee, because the amount of energy needed to even sort of keep up with a two-year-old is something that not even my beloved coffee can touch.
Magical carpets that deep clean themselves every night when I go to sleep. It feels like I am scrubbing my carpet every day for some reason or another, and it definitely feels like that scrubbing only touches the surface. I'm legitimately scared about what might be under there at this point.
A clone of myself. Second Chelsea, if you will. When we go to the pool, she can watch Jack while I read a book. When Jack is so clingy that even throwing a load of towels in the washer is a mission, she can take care of the laundry while I hold him. When he takes a nap, I can take a bath while she cooks dinner.
An unlimited skincare budget. Things that are bad for your skin include: Smoking, drinking, junk food, and, worst of all, living with a two-year-old.
A chef. Also probably going to need them to be a mythical creature, because I need them to cook a dinner every night that somehow is toddler-friendly but also packed with nutrients for Jack but also healthy for me but also filling enough that I won't be grazing in my pantry at 11:00 that night. So, definitely a mythical creature. A magic chef.
Happy Mother's Day. Don't forget to remind the mom's in your life that they're superheroes. And if you know any magic chef's, send them my way.
Sleep regression? IT'S REAL AND IT DOES NOT ONLY APPLY TO NEWBORNS. (See also, send coffee, I'm tired).
They are SO SMART. I don't know why I just assumed kids were kinda just (I can't think of a nice way to say this so I'm gonna go with not-smart) until they were like five or so, but that's so not true. It blows my mind how quick he learns things and how he teaches himself how to put things together.
You will (I have) become a giant mess emotionally. Having an infant didn't make me more emotional. Watching that infant turn into a full-on functioning human? It blows my mind and makes me cry all the time. The world can be the ugliest place, but watching such a pure soul turning into his own person just gives me so much hope on the daily.
You will (I) have to pray for more patience daily (hourly) and no matter how much you receive, IT WILL NOT BE ENOUGH.
Most people on who have toddlers are liars. I'm only assuming this, but before I had a toddler the majority of people who I listened to who had toddlers talked a lot about things like "quiet mornings at home" and used words like "gentle learning time" and I'M CALLING LIESLIESLIES OKAY.
You will suddenly (seriously, like overnight) have to watch every single thing you do, because somebody else is watching every single thing you do. Jack woke up one day and started mimicking everything I do. Not joking, everything. I was doing squats, he was doing squats. I was like wiping the counters, he was looking for a rag to wipe the cabinets. So, rude finger gestures (not like I ever do those, obvs) or not-so-nice words? Those don't fly around here anymore.
The amount of destruction that can happen in mere minutes is both horrifying and impressive. There is no explaining how it happens, so don't bother asking. The same tiny creature that takes approximately two hours to six business days to put their shoes on can destroy an entire room (and sometimes house) in a matter of minutes. Just stop cleaning, probably.
It's an adventure in every sense of the word. Sometimes it's fun (unexpectedly so), sometimes it's terrifying, sometimes you have no idea what you're doing or where to go from here, sometimes you end up in a place you never thought you'd be, but you love it.
And one thing that everyone did tell me and has been 1,000% true: toddlers are truly just like tired, drunk mini humans.
I have more patience than I thought was humanly possible. Spoiler alert: It is, somehow, still not enough.
I don't care as much about the things I thought would be a big deal to me. Example: Jack's main food group? Chicken nuggets. It's just what he'll eat the most of.
The things I do care about, I care about way more. I could burst into tears at any given moment over certain social issues I feel passionately about. Jack being here has made those things seem so much more real to me.
The little things matter way more than the big things. Morning snuggles, stopping to read a book, playing in the backyard...those little moments all add up and mean way more than fancy vacations.
I am 100% a better person than I was before having him. In almost every way. Very thankful for this one.
Pretty much all of my biggest fears are now out of my control. Which will probably just be terrifying for the rest of my life.
But it reminds me of how much is in my control. So much happiness is in my control. Nothing like a joyous little bundle of toddler to remind you of that.
My heart and brain space and really just my whole life will never belong to just me again.
On a more shallow note: This is the best stain remover. This is the best carpet cleaner. This balm heals everything. This sound machine lets him sleep anywhere.
Two years of learning down, forever to go.
On the first day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...A picture with Santa where there was so much screaming, even Santa isn't smiling. (I'll frame it anyway).
On the second day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Two epic meltdowns before 10:00AM, because Christmas errands are not for the faint of heart, and they are also not for toddlers.
On the third day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Three Christmas cookies used as bribes, that will most definitely result in a skipped nap.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Four showings of Curious George Christmas (in a row) (on the same day) (send wine).
On the fifth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Five strangers staring in the grocery store as he stood up in the cart and declared his true feelings about grocery shopping the week of Christmas.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Six hours I spent googling "toddler Christmas gifts" knowing full well he'll be happiest with the wrapping paper.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Seven awkward FaceTime dates with out of town family who wants to wish the toddler a merry Christmas, but the toddler only wants to make a brief appearance, leaving you to handle the rest of the conversation.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Eight extra miles of driving because he finally passed out and there is no earthly way I'm going home and waking him up.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Nine pizzas ordered (so far) this month because this. mama. ain't. cooking.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Ten different attempts at staged candid Christmas pictures before giving up and promising I'll get professional pictures taken this year (I won't).
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...Eleven "last minute" Target runs for things I convince myself he needs for Christmas.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my toddler gave to me...twelve broken ornaments from tackling the Christmas tree.
Twelve broken ornaments,
Eleven Target runs,
Ten failed photoshoots,
Nine pizzas delivered,
Eight miles of driving,
Seven awkward FaceTimes,
Six hours googling,
Five strangers staring,
Four Curious George shows,
Three Christmas cookies,
Two epic meltdowns,
And a picture of Santa that borders on creepy
(but I'm framing it anyway)
I was on the phone with my mom yesterday, talking about the horrific behavior that is currently sweeping the headlines. I said, What a terrifying time to be raising a child.
But also, what an important time to be raising a child.
Being a parent is weird, because at the end of it all, you may have made a kid and raised a kid, but they're their own human. They're going to be who they are. Which is what you want! But for a few years, you do get a big say in the things they learn. Here's a few of mine I've been thinking about lately:
That everyone deserves to be treated with respect. Your boss? They deserve respect. The crappy waitress who has forgotten your refill three times now? Also deserves respect. The girl who turned you down and doesn't want to go on a date with you? Respect. It is very, very easy to treat people with respect. It's also very, very important.
To not be afraid of people who are different than you. Different is not bad. Plain and simple.
To always be rooted in love. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to mess up a lot. But if you strive to always be rooted in love, acting out of love, doing everything from a place of love, you'll do a pretty good job.
If something excites you, it's important. Don't ignore the things that make you feel more in love with life.
That only you can decide what to believe. I can teach you right from wrong. I can teach you why things are wrong. I can tell you all about what I believe. But only you can decide what to believe for yourself. And it's best that way, because if you only believe something because someone else told you to, it's not truly a belief. Your beliefs are incredibly important, and you're the only one who can truly believe them.
What are some life lessons you think are important to pass on?
As summer winds down (which I'm sad about, for the first time in maybe my whole life), I feel so thankful for the things I got to do and the adventures I got to have. One of my favorite parts of this summer was getting to take Jack to the beach and see him love it so much.
I'm a big fan of life still consisting of the things you love once you have a baby. From the time he was just a week old, Jack has been to happy hours, pool days, brunches, margarita nights...and slept through most of them like a champ.
That being said, some things (like beach days) do take extra effort, especially now that the squishy little baby who would sleep through brunch is now a wild and rambunctious toddler. After quite a few beach days this summer, here's a short little list that made those days much easier. I'm not talking about things like sunscreen and water (because I'm assuming that you know your tiny human doesn't need to be sunburned and dehydrated), but a few little things that ended up being super helpful.
An inflatable pool. If you get nothing else on this list, you need this. So cheap, and will absolutely transform your beach day with a little. It's multi-purpose on the beach: 1) It's basically a playpen. Set it up in the shade, throw some toys in there, and let them play. 2) When it's empty, it's the perfect place to nap. Lay a blanket down and boom, it's a bed. 3) You can keep your kid cool without having to constantly bring them in and out of the water. Just put some water in, let them splash around and stay cool, and you can work on your tan. Win-Win-Win.
A half-tent. I'm not really sure what the exact name of this is, but my parents bought Jack one and it was fantastic, especially on windy days.
Baby powder. Through some kind of weird black magic, baby powder makes sand come right off. So when you've got a grumpy gremlin covered in sand, just sprinkle this on and wipe the sand right off (I'm talking about you, obviously, but it works on kids too).
Rashguard (long sleeves w/ SPF). This protects at least half their body from the sun, making your job of chasing them around reapplying sunscreen a tiny bit easier.
Cheap toys. The cheapest you can find. I'm a huge fan of buying things that will last, but I don't care what you shell out on beach toys, they will. not. last. They will wash away into the ocean. Another child will walk by and pick them up and you will be too lazy to chase them down. They will break. Basically, they're not outlasting the week. So save your money, buy the cheap ones, and your kid will never know the difference.
Bonus: All the towels. Way more towels than you think you need. I'm not really sure what happens to our towels, within an hour Jack had managed to soak/sand/throw them all into the ocean. Bring all your towels.
Have you braved the beach with a toddler?
It's no secret around here that Jack was a surprise. I had absolutely no plans to get pregnant and spent most of my pregnancy just trying to get used to the idea of having a baby (instead of doing research and planning for actually having him). So it's safe to say that most things about being a mom have been a surprise for me. But here are five big things that I definitely did not expect.
It's been easier than I thought it would be. I vividly remember one of the last times I went to Target before Jack was born. I was getting in my car, and I saw this girl getting out of her car with her baby. She had the baby in one hand, got her stroller out and opened it up with the other hand, and proceeded to load the stroller up with bottles and bags and who knows what else, all while bouncing her baby to sleep. It looked so hard.
But here's the thing...you figure it out. You just do. Overnight, it became second nature for me to have a baby in one hand and (at least one) bag in the other. It becomes instinct to swerve out of the way so you don't get spit up in your hair. Something happens and you just instinctively know all this stuff. That was incredibly comforting to me to realize, because I felt so behind since I hadn't made a five-year plan for having a baby. Spoiler: I don't think having a plan would have made a big difference.
It can be lonely. This is surprised me because I have friends. Great friends. But it can still be lonely. Because you're responsible for this entire little life. And when your little life is going through a loud phase, you can't just go out to dinner with friends. When they're going through a clingy phase, you can't road trip to see an old friend. This can result in feeling left out.
Another way motherhood can be lonely is that it comes with the feeling that you can't make anyone else understand what you're going through. This is obviously a lie, there are millions and millions of mothers in America, so you're not the only one who has ever felt a certain way. But it can sure feel like it, especially if you're the only mom in your friend group. Michelle has been a lifesaver for me lately when it comes to this. Because someone who doesn't currently have a toddler might not understand how a skipped nap and a Target tantrum left me dissolving into a puddle of tears for three hours, but since she's in the thick of it, I can just say, "HEY THIS HAPPENED" and am immediately met with a hurricane of both sympathy (need a little bit) and you're-not-alone-because-me-too (need way more).
I actually feel a closeness with Jack, not just love towards him. This is surprising to me, because how can you feel like a one-year-old is your friend? I expected to love him, of course, but I expected it to be a one-way street for awhile. Guys, it's not. It's insane to me how early human's personalities develop, but they do, and when Jack shows his and "talks" to me and runs around doing all of his tiny little routine things, I don't just feel love for him, I feel like he's my tiny little bff.
It made me more laid back. I guess I thought the opposite would happen? I wouldn't necessarily say I was an uptight person, but I was definitely a neeeeed to know kind of person. I needed everything to have a plan. The thought of being just a few minutes late somewhere would make me cry. But becoming a mom totally chilled me out. Can I come to your BBQ on Thursday? No idea, depends on how the afternoon goes. Will I ever be on time for church again? Probably not. And you know what? It's all okay.
I am still 100% myself. I still listen to rap music in the car. I still go to happy hours (when my tiny human is in a good mood, at least). I still have people over. I still go to the pool all the time. I still read books and do yoga and blog and all the other things I loved doing before I became a mom. I wrote about it here, but to summarize: Becoming a mom reminded me of who I was. It made me more myself than I've ever been. And that has been the most welcome surprise.
If you're a mom, what are some ways it has surprised you?
In magazines, blog posts, and advertisements on Facebook, I keep seeing Mother's Day gift guides pop up. They're pretty, usually pink, and full of things like expensive candles and body scrub. And obviously the people writing these are doing a good job, because I'm a mom, and I nod along and think, yes, yes I do want that.
But, since I am a mom, and Mother's Day gift guides are for people buying gifts for moms, I thought I'd give you a little inside peek on what I really want for Mother's Day.
Sleep. All of the sleep. Seriously, all of it. I cannot stress this enough. I don't mean I want a nap or to sleep in on Sunday, I want all. of. the. sleep. So if you could just pack up a few of your extra hours and wrap them up with a bow, that's what I want.
Coffee. All of it. There could be a river of coffee flowing straight through my house and it still would not be enough lately. I need it all. Like this, but with coffee:
My pre-baby body. Actually, if we're getting technical, here's what I really want: My pre-baby body, my post-baby hips, and my newborn days boobs, because hot DANG those were nice. So basically I want like a Frankenstein kind of situation. Is that too much to ask for?
A magical new caffeine source. Something stronger than coffee, but not quite illegal drug status, ya feel? I would like it to leave me wide awake but also feeling as if I'd taken a mild sedative. I'd like zero shakes, 100% awareness, and also the ability to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. So like a coffee-wine hybrid, but way better. Again with the Frankenstein gifts, I guess.
A glam squad. If by some chance, I am unable to be gifted all of the sleep and all of the coffee, I will settle for this. A group of people to follow me around, who's sole purpose in life is to make it look like I've had all the sleep and coffee in the whole wide world.
Length-changing hair. I want the mom chop because it's easy and because you don't know what pain is until your kid rips out a handful of your hair while you're half-asleep. But also I want long hair because top knots are the easiest. But also I want short hair because I don't want to wear my hair in a top knot every day and look like a slob. Can someone please fix this cycle? It's Mother's Day and I AM A MOTHER.
Okay, okay, this is getting a bit excessive and I don't want to come across as greedy. I am so blessed to be a mom, and truly, I don't need all of this.
I'll just settle for that Frankenstein bod.
I found out I was having a baby three days after we had re-signed our apartment lease. Our tiny, beautiful, studio apartment. Sometimes when I say studio, people think I mean one bedroom. I do not. I mean one room...period. The kitchen, the den, the bed...all in the same room. After begging to be let out of the lease and told no, we had to figure out how to have a baby and two adults live in a studio apartment.
It was difficult, but through trial and error, I learned a lot about how to make it work, and I thought that might be helpful to someone else!
Get rid of any and all excess furniture. We had a big sectional couch, and it was awesome, but it also took up all of the space and wasn't completely necessary. So we traded it in for a love seat and a rocking chair. The same goes for all non-functional furniture. If you have a nightstand that's just pretty and doesn't really do anything else, it's gotta go.
Let go of your idea of what a nursery should look like. One of the hardest things for me was seeing all these Pinterest-perfect nursery pictures. I just assumed that whenever I had a baby, I would make the cutest little nursery for him, not be sharing a room with him. But if you're in a studio, practical has to win out over aesthetically pleasing every time. Bonus: Once he got here, I realized how little the matching, color-coordinated stuff meant. He was perfectly happy in his mismatched things.
Buy everything in a travel version. Absolutely everything. Why? Because you can fold it up and hide it when you're not using it. Baby stuff takes up so much room. For example, this is the baby bathtub everyone recommended. Great...but where am I supposed to put that all the hours of the day I wasn't using it? We got this one instead, which we folded up and kept under the sink when we were done.
A few other things we used in travel version: This portable baby swing, the Rock 'n Play, which we folded up and put behind our bed in between nap times, and this portable bouncer. Anything that says "travel" or "portable" is going to be easily packed away, which is going to give you more space during the times you're not using everything.
Get a storage unit if at all possible. Getting a storage unit saved us a lot of money in the long run for a very simple reason. When you're pregnant and have a baby registry, it's the only time in your life where tons of people are going to buy you baby things. So take advantage of that. You don't need things like a high chair right away, but it's better to get one as a gift now than to have to go buy one in six months. We paid $18 a month to store all those "later" baby things, and it was 100% worth it.
View your trunk as a closet. It may sound weird, but hear me out. Think of how much space you have in your car. We kept Jack's stroller (and several other non-essential) things in my trunk. It's way easier to walk out to the car than to go to the storage unit.
You don't need a crib. Am I the only one who didn't know that babies usually don't sleep in a crib right away? Probably. My best advice to people bringing a baby home to a studio would be to skip the crib. Register for one and store it if you can, but for now, you don't need it. Get a travel bassinette or Rock 'n Play for the first few months, then use a Pack 'n Play. Jack is almost 15 months old and he could easily still sleep in a Pack 'n Play if he didn't have his own room. There are actually special mattresses that fit the Pack 'n Play, just for this reason. It's not as cute, sure, but it works and folds right up during the day!
At the end of the day, it's totally possible. You can love on a baby anywhere, and that's what's important.
First, let's clarify: This title is slightly misleading, because I'm not including clothes, diapers + wipes, or formula. The first because chances are, everyone you've ever known will buy you baby clothes because it's a cheap and adorable baby gift. The second two because those are monthly expenses, and the things I'm including here are necessities that you would buy before the baby gets here.
Secondly, this is not a dream list. No gorgeous crib or handmade sheets off of etsy or toys. Are those things wonderful? Absolutely. And I hope you have a wonderful baby shower and people buy you all the extravagant things. We were so blessed and were able to get a lot of "extra" things like that, but before that happened, I made a list of everything we might need and how much those things would cost.
Within twelve months of finding out I was pregnant, Chris had to apply for residency interviews (expensive), travel to all the interviews (SO expensive), I had to actually have the baby (hospital bills), we had to buy a baby-friendly car, pack up our apartment, and buy a house. Also, getting pregnant was a surprise, so there was no baby fund anywhere. So when I say we tried to do things on a budget, you can trust that I truly researched and shopped around and budgeted like it was my job.
So now, having gone from finding out I was having a baby and knowing nothing about what I needed, to having a perfectly happy and healthy one-year-old, here are the things I would say are necessary and can fill the gaps of other, more expensive things.
Pack 'n Play:
$79
Works as a crib, as a play area, as a changing space, and you can pack it up and bring it anywhere with you. Jack still sleeps in this whenever we travel anywhere.
Rock 'n Play:
$54
Budget post or not, I still consider this an absolute necessity. It's the only thing that helped my baby sleep more than 90 minutes at a time. MAGIC.
Swing:
$70
Swaddle cloths: $35
These work for everything. Swaddles, blankets, spit-up clothes, breastfeeding covers, etc, etc. There are cheaper options, but these are the ones I have and they have survived 13 months of use and washes.
Sleeper Swaddles:
$14
These have velcro so the little bubs can't break out at night. I tried the more expensive one everyone raves about online and found no magic difference.
Breast pump:
$140 (Storage bags:
$8)
Yes. So glamorous, and so necessary (if you're going to breastfeed).
Bottles:
$6
I bought 5 different kinds of fancy bottles before finding these. NINE BOTTLES FOR $6. They're Jack's favorite. Moral of the story: Sometimes you should start with the cheap stuff.
Shampoo/soap/lotion: $8
Buy a gift set of these, it comes with all three. You don't need a lot because babies are tiny so these bottles last forever.
Diaper Rash Paste:
$ 7
This stuff is gold, works like a charm, and also lasts forever.
Car seat/Stroller Combo: $169
Being able to click the car seat right into the stroller is a lifesaver and makes things so much more convenient.
Pacifiers:
$3
Of course you'll end up getting more things than this. I hope you get every tiny, adorable little thing your baby-loving heart wishes for. But I know that when I was pregnant and price-checking, it would have made me feel so much better to know I could afford the basics. $600 is not cheap, but when you google what you need for your new baby and every list recommends a $250 baby swing, $600 is a steal.
It's totally possible to go without here. A diaper genie is awesome, but if you can't afford one, you can put diapers in old grocery bags before tossing them in the trash. A crib is ideal, but a pack 'n play can totally work. A playmat is fun, but you can use a blanket for now. And on, and on, and on. See? You don't have to be rich to have a baby, trust me.
I'll blog soon about all the fun, "extra" stuff we bought and loved, but for now, just know that you can afford this. It doesn't have to be trendy, it doesn't have to be pinterest-perfect. You've got this.
If you have a baby, what would you say is absolutely necessary?
$79
$54
$70
$14
$140 (Storage bags:
$8) 
$6
$ 7
$3