We Made It.

Today is going to be wonderful. Or awful. Or maybe both, I'm not sure.

At 12:00 today, Christopher is going to open an envelope, and inside that envelope will be the name of the hospital that has hired him for his first job as a doctor. The name of our new city.

So what city is on the inside of the envelope?

We. Have. No. Idea.

As much as we've spent this week talking and thinking and guessing, we just don't know.

But here's what I do know.

I know that today is a huge accomplishment. It is an honor. One that has been four years (more, really!) in the making.

I know that Chris is the most hardworking person I know, and today is the day he gets to see that pay off.

I know that when I met him 8 years ago, he talked about wanting to be a surgeon, and he hasn't stopped talking about it since. Today is truly a dream come true for him.



I know that for me, the worst case scenario today is that the envelope holds the name of a city where I don't want to live. And even in that scenario, I get to move there with the love of my life, our precious little babe, and our fox. We'll all start an adventure somewhere new where Chris will be working a job he absolutely loves. If that's the worst that could happen, then man, my life is good.

As we head off to this intense NFL draft of medicine, I'm so anxious, so excited, so nervous, so ready, and a million other emotions. But my heart is bursting with pride.

I'm so proud of Chris. I'm so proud that he's getting to see his dream come true today.

I'm so proud of us. I'm proud that we've pressed through the hard times (because med school is hard) and lived every moment of the good times. I'm so proud that we've stuck together through it all.

I can't believe that today is here. That we finally made it today.

We made it. 

So, yeah. Today is going to be wonderful. 

Christopher, 

Congratulations on making it this far. I can't wait to spend all my years laughing with you, no matter where that may be. 

Home is wherever I'm with you. xo

8 Things Making Me Happy This Week.

1. Finding out Christopher matched! While we don't find out where he matched until Friday, an email went out on Monday at 11:00 letting everyone know if they matched to any position or not. We were at the pool when he opened his email, and I don't think I've ever cheered so loud on a Monday morning before.

2. This weather. Florida has decided it's summer. After a weirdly cold and rainy February, I am extremely happy about this.

3. The fact that Jack likes to be outside. I know I keep saying Jack is an easy baby, but seriously, the kid loves going places, and he loves hanging out by the pool. It's the best. I'm so thankful that we don't have to stay inside for him to be happy. Also very thankful for his pool outfit:

4. Hot tea. I've been on a hot tea kick (again) lately, and I forgot (again) how much I love it! And I really do feel so much healthier when I drink hot tea all day. Plus, you can pretty much find any flavor you can imagine in a tea.

5. Gatsby met a girl Shiba. We were walking around a lake and they spotted each other from pretty far away and were SO excited. It was adorable. Her owner was an old man who had never seen another Shiba in real life before and thought it was the best thing ever.

6. We find out where Chris matches in 48 hours. 

7. Post-match celebrations! We've got reservations at our favorite place in Orlando, and we are going to party. Because when you wait four years to land your dream job, it's worth celebrating.

8. Knowing that no matter what city is on the inside of that envelope on Friday, it will be the adventure of a lifetime. Plus, I get to take my two best friends with me, so I'll take it.

What's making you happy this week?

Practice Makes (Kind of, Sort of) Perfect.

At my 6-week checkup, my doctor cleared me to start working out again. So I put on my cutest workout clothes (motivation, duh) and headed to the gym for the first time since morning sickness hit.

It. Was. Brutal.

Simply using the elliptical had me winded in an embarrassingly short amount of time. Weights I could easily lift a year ago had my arms shaking almost immediately. And my body hurt in places I didn't even know I had muscles.

There was no one else in the gym, so when I stepped off the treadmill, on the verge of tears after realizing just how far I had to go, I said out loud: It will get better. You just need to practice. 

That's the cool thing (and also the sucky thing) about working out: You know that the more you do it, the better you get. I know that if I keep going to the gym, I will eventually be as strong as I was before, or maybe even stronger. I just have to practice.

And that made me think about everything else in my life that I want to be good at. How I want to be a happy person, a generous person, a thankful person. And how there's no shortcut to those things, either. You just have to practice them.

If I want to be a happy person, I have to actually work on it. I have to choose to be happy. If I want to be a thankful person, I have to work on being thankful every day. It doesn't just happen. It takes practice.

I went to the gym yesterday, and it was way easier than it was three weeks ago. It'll be easier next week, too. It's still not the easiest thing, but if I keep practicing, maybe one day it will feel easy again.

Being happy after some jerk cuts me off in traffic and causes me to spill my coffee everywhere isn't the easiest thing, but if I practice it, maybe one day it will be.

What are you practicing lately?

Letters to Jack: Two Months.

My sweet little love,

I'm holding you as I write this. You're staring up at me with wide eyes and your hands under your chin, like you're thinking. I know in a few minutes, you'll start making a case for more breakfast, but for now the house is quiet and it's just me and you, hanging out and having coffee like buddies.

That's really how the last two months have been-enjoying life with my best friend and you, our new little best friend. This month, especially, has been so much fun. I feel like you've had your own personality from day one, but I've gotten to see so much of that this month. Your smiles are way more frequent and less accidental-you smile whenever we rub your head. You've started sticking your tongue out and you make this little chirping noises that I think will one day turn into a laugh.

You had a lot of big adventures this month-you went to the beach, to brunch with our friends, to the mall, to a fancy banquet, to many, many pool days. You're such an easy baby, we've just taken you everywhere and had the best time doing it.

This weekend was rough. You had your first vaccines and you got hurt for the first time-a scratch on your perfect little face. Both times you screamed, and both times it felt like my heart was going to shatter right inside of me.

After your shots, we snuggled you so much. I promised you that as soon as you were old enough, I was going to take you for ice cream to make up for this crappy day. I also told you that on the bright side, you wouldn't be getting polio. I know you couldn't understand that, but I hope you felt loved anyway.

I know it would be normal to end this by saying "I can't believe you're two months old already!" but that wouldn't be true. I can believe that, because I have spent every single day enjoying you and soaking up all that this stage of life has to offer. Time isn't racing by, because me and you, we're getting all we can get out of life. The good days and the long days and the hard days, we're living them all. Two months down, and it's been the best.

Happy two months, Jack Jacobs. I continue to be convinced that you are the best thing that has ever happened in the history of this world. I look forward to so many more months of just living life with you.

Love you forever. xo

Hello to The Most Stressful Seven Days Ever.

One week from today, Christopher will open a box that will determine where the next chapter of our lives will be taking place.

If you're wondering how I'm handling that stress and uncertainty and such a big change hovering, I'll just go ahead and tell you: NOT WELL.

Since we turned the list in, I've tried handling this a few different ways.

First: Pretend it's not happening. If I don't think about it, I won't stress about it. Wrong. 

Next: Think about it too much. Question everything. Rethink the entire last year of my life. Not a good strategy. 

Third: Back to ignoring it. Still not working. 

Up next: Look at houses in every single town that's even a remote possibility on the list. Become instantly overwhelmed at all the options. Pass. 

Fifth: Talk to Gatsby and Jack about this for entirely too long before realizing that neither one of them is ever going to talk back and I am, in fact, going crazy.

Back to ignoring it. 

If you need me at any point over the next seven days, I'll be somewhere in between pretending I'm fine and carefree and stress eating my way through Orlando.

Happy Friday, everybody.

8 Weeks With Jack: All of the Pictures (Weeks 5 & 6).

Week Five: 

 You kept flashing us sleepy little smiles.

Long live your wild thing snuggle suit!

 You weren't sleeping well, so we got a bassinet that fit in bed with us, hoping it would help. It didn't, but it made for some sweet moments like this. 

Eventually you decided you liked sleeping in your rock-n-play.

You had your first trip to Universal!

You continued to make the funniest faces.

On Valentine's Day, you and Chris went on your first solo adventure and came back with roses for me! Your little hat said "first love." 

Week Six:

The silly faces didn't stop.

You went to the beach for the first time!

The wild thing snuggle suit was still a must, no matter what your mood.

This was the week where I felt like you actually starting seeing things. Your little eyes just bounced all around, taking everything in. 

You still love to keep your hands right by your face at all times. 

I think around week 5 is when we realized how much fun Jack could be. He started giving giggles, really looking at things, and just became so much more aware to the world around him. I guess when I thought about having a baby, I never really thought it would be fun. But it really has been! Life with my little dude is pretty great. I smile every day, I laugh every day, and I feel my heart explode with love every single day. It doesn't get much better than that. 

Feelings Leading Up to Match Day.

We are eleven days out from Match Day.  E l e v e n .

Since we are super close (and also way too far away) to finding out, I don't know, EVERYTHING about the next few years of my life, I thought I'd clue you in to what's going on in my brain at the moment.

I am so calm. I am at peace. Whatever is supposed to happen is will happen. I've got this.

....I most certainly do not have this. 

What if we move somewhere that is basically a frozen tundra and it snows all the time? I will die. Florida has made me weak. 

That's silly. That won't happen. Calm down. Okay, better. I've got this. Maybe. 

Yep, definitely see a snowy death in my future. RIP me. 

Okay, this is out of control. Let's just stop thinking and go back to my tried and true method of dealing with stressful things: pretending they are not happening. 

Match? What Match? Oh, that silly thing. Funny you should mention it, I had forgotten all about it! 

The anxiety raging in my soul cannot be healthy. Maybe I need to do more yoga. 



Once again, I am back to being so calm and at peace with the universe and OH MY GOSH WHAT IF WE MOVE SOMEWHERE SNOWY. 

...and repeat approximately 27,000 more times in the next eleven days.