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Monday, July 11, 2016

It's Okay to Change Your Mind About What You Want.

Yesterday, I wrote the last part of Jack's birth story (coming soon!). I spent the day remembering a thousand tiny details about his first few days. How he smiled in his sleep while they were rolling me to our room. How we had to go to Publix after being released to pick up my prescription and I just kept looking at him, thinking, "We keep him? This tiny little thing?" And being a mix a pure happiness at getting to keep his perfection and pure terror at the responsibility of keeping him alive. How I woke up disoriented from the first nap I took on our first day home, asking Chris if the nurse had come back by, and he said "You don't know what you're talking about. Come look at your baby."

I spent Saturday afternoon splashing around in this pool with that same little baby, who's almost six months old now. He splashes and laughs and yells and jumps, and then he naps in the shade while I sit in the sun (PSA: That pool was $20 at Toys-R-Us. BEST 20 dollars I've ever spent). It's not a way that I ever thought I'd be spending my afternoons, but it's the absolute best. 

Here's the thing, you guys: I didn't want a baby. 

I know that feels kind of taboo to say, but it's the truth. A baby wasn't in my plans. 

Here's the other thing: My life feels perfect now. 

I know that one's taboo to say, so let me reassure you, my life is freaking far from perfect. I am exhausted and playing a continual game of catch-up and still having to learn how to actual do the whole mom thing.

But on days like this, where I hold him and he splashes around and laughs and then he watches cartoons while I write and then we all go for a walk when Chris gets home...it feels pretty dang close to perfect. 

And to think...it's a life I never even wanted. 

All of that to say: It's okay to change your mind about what you want. I'm not just talking about having babies, although if you change your mind one way or the other about that, good for you! It's okay.


If you've spent your whole life talking about the career path you want to pursue, and then you get there and you don't want it at all, it's okay. You are under no obligation to stick to an earlier dream. 

If you've always talked about how you would never willingly live in your hometown again, then you wake up one day and feel like it's the perfect place to settle down, good for you! It's okay. 

If you've worked your butt off to go to law school and suddenly realize you'd rather study microbiology or creative writing, good for you! It's okay.

This is your life. You're the one who has to live here. So if one day, you change your mind about what you've always thought you've wanted, you owe it to yourself to go for it. To change your career or to move to another country or to switch roommates or to take up that one hobby you've always made fun of. 

I'm here to tell you: Sometimes the life that is at the opposite end of the spectrum of the life you thought you wanted is the exact life that you need. 

So change your mind. It's okay. 

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36 comments:

  1. Such a great post! x

    moremindfulyou.blogspot.com

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  2. I have this conversation with my girl friends all the time! (Not about babies, but about changing your mind on things in general.) I don't know why we women especially tend to feel guilty about changing our minds... I think younger generations are better at it than older, so perhaps it is a generational thing but it's interesting nonetheless. Great post!!

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  3. Love this post! This is the same advice my Dad told my little sister as she headed off to college, and I love that he did. How scary to be fresh out of high school and thinking you have to pick one career for the rest of your life. Knowing you can change your mind is a huge relief.

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  4. I adore this post. You are a very wise woman! After I got my masters in health communication, I realized I didn't want to do that anymore, so I stopped. Nick got his MBA so he could get out of the military. But the MBA program taught him he really didn't want to go into business and so he decided to stay in the military. It's okay to change your mind and it's a wise person who can realize that. Once we get on a course we feel like we need to keep going, but we absolutely don't.

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  5. This post is such an important message that I try to tell myself all the time- it's so easy to fall into an expectation that you had for yourself at one point (and others still have for you), but it's important to remember changing our opinion is okay, it's our own life after all!

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  6. I love this! The perfect life, marriage, job, family etc. may not always end up looking the same as what we envisioned when we were younger, but that doesn't make it any less wonderful. I love my two boys and husband more than anything and I can remember when I was a senior in high school being all about traveling the world, pursuing music, and not planning on settling down for a long time. But I couldn't be happier with how things ended up. Great post and enjoy your little cutie! :)

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  7. It's amazing how sometimes you read a post and it fits perfectly with everything going on in your life. This was one of those posts for me. I totally agree that its okay to change your mind, it's impossible to know how something might turn out but its worth it to try :)

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  8. Such a great concept to keep in mind at all times - we can make our own decisions, no matter what they are.

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  9. this is so so SO good. i have struggled with this in the past but now realize i am right where i am supposed to be. the beauty of being humans is that we get to change our minds and our circumstances

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  10. SUCH a good thing to keep in mind. I remember when I was in college and wanted to be a TV reporter. I got an internship our local NBC station and quickly learned it was NOT for me. I was devastated...like, what am I gonna do now?! I would have never imagined my current job being my dream job, but it feels great. Life is full of changes, take them on and enjoy the ride!

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  11. You speak the truth! It is ok to change your mind about things!

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  12. I love this. I feel like some of us get so complacent in what we do and we feel that because this is the life or path we have chosen we have to stick with it but it is never too late to make a change or try something new!

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  13. This post really resonates with me! I've always been teased for constantly changing my mind (mostly about career paths) but I've never let it get to me. I still happily pursue what I want, when I want. And this post just reminds me that IT'S OKAY!

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  14. Soo important to remember, and so easy to forget! I'm struggling a little bit with that right now so this was perfect timing :)

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  15. I cannot get enough of your writing and your blog, Chelsea! Your posts always speak to me in SO many ways!! Keep writing them!! ;)

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  16. Chelsea, this made me smile so good and is such a good reminder.

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  17. Yesss friend! I've changed my mind so many times about what I want in my life and it has taken a long time to understand that it's totally okay! You have a beautiful life :)

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  18. These are such true words. Sometimes we don't realize we wanted something until we have it. I think the sheer joy/sheer terror combination is just part of parenthood. I have a five month old and I feel that same combination every single day.

    The Lovely Latte

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  19. You and I are on the same wavelength right now. I literally have a post sitting in my drafts called "Life Doesn't Always Go According to Plan...And That's Okay." Not exactly the same thing, but the end result is the same. :) Haha.

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  20. Love this post. Very fitting for the craziness in our lives right now. It seems like our minds are ever changing.

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  21. Isn't it great to be able to change your mind about things and not feel guilty?! Heaven knows I've done this time after time and it's okay!

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  22. I've spent a lot of time reminding myself that it's okay to change my mind. What I want now might not match what I want 6 months from now let alone 5 years from now.

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  23. I love the quote you posted! A good reminder that it's you and only you who can create the life you want to live. Great post!

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  24. Yes, yes, yes! I think the fear of making changes and potentially disappointing people is why people have a midlife crisis....even at 25.

    http://ashortblonde.com

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  25. <3<3<3 I LOVE this! I'm so glad you got what you needed and not what you wanted!

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  26. Beautiful post... so true! And that pool is way too adorable, I can just see little Jack splashing around and having the time of his life in it :-D
    Green Fashionista

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  27. This is such an amazing post! Looking back on the past few years (and even just the past month), I've changed my mind and my attitude on so many things and have become a better person because of it. Thank you so much for sharing!

    http://thecourtneydiaries.com

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  28. amen. My life is very different now that I ever "wanted" it to be, but I am the happiest I've ever been. funny how life works out just fine if we follow our hearts and just do what makes us feel happy and whole :)

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  29. Yes! I've always thought that it's good to reflect on and evaluate your long term goals from time to time, because they may have changed, and if they are, that's okay. :_

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  30. Love this! Such an empowering post and a reminder that, sometimes, there's a bigger plan than the one we make for ourselves.

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  31. Love this. SO true! My work friend was in the same boat as you and feels the same way. I have the opposite problem, I have always wanted kids and by happenstance (single as f and almost 40) it ain't going to happen. I am embracing the life I never wanted everyday, what else can you do? And who knows, maybe what I want will happen, just not when or how I wanted it to happen!

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  32. Hi! New reader here. I just have to say that I think it's awesome of you to admit something like the fact that you didn't want a baby. It's incredibly taboo, but as a human being, you're allowed to feel however you want. I'm not sure children are in the cards for me, either, (by choice) but I know that in the future that may change. Thank you for being so bold. It gives the rest of us hope. :)

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  33. Love this! The only person you have to answer to is yourself.

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  34. I love this so much! Such wise words, and so true. I think we feel (or I feel) like I'm failing someone..something...if I change my mind about something that was considered a "life goal", you know. My husband and I once moved across the country to what is considered a pretty cool and hip city, but we hated it there so we moved back after 6 months. It was kind of hard to admit that we just didn't fall in love with this city that everyone thinks is so amazing. (Worth noting that living in and visiting a city are two completely different things). But yes, it was okay to change our minds! :)

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  35. I love your words! And girl, I'm 4 years into this Mom gig & have two little boys, I still don't have it figured out. I'm pretty sure we never will, but we'll keep trying. :) Jack is lucky to have you!

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  36. I changed my mind about wanting to stay at home with Reese instead of work. Unfortunately, that isn't in the cards right now, but I feel the Lord stretching me out of my comfort zone and I'm working on my attitude and trying to trust in his plan!

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