Don't Apologize For Who You Are.

I say "sorry" entirely too often. It's something I'm working on, but I have a long way to go. A friend told me this summer that when you say "sorry" all the time, it cheapens your apologies, and that was really thought-provoking to me. I want my apologies to mean something, so I started looking at the types of things I apologize for. 
Wanna know what I found? I apologize a lot for who I am. 
Sorry, I shouldn't have gotten my feelings hurt over that. I'm too sensitive. 
Sorry, I'm a mom, so I can't go out with you tonight because I don't have a babysitter. 
Sorry, I'm a blogger, so I really want to go back there and take a picture of that so I can use it in a post. 
When you apologize for parts of who you are, it's like you're intentionally cutting yourself down. And it's really, really hard to love someone who is always cutting you down. And if anyone should be able to love you, it's you. 
I'm extremely imperfect. I'm very bad at making decisions, they take me forever. I get really emotionally invested in silly things, so I sometimes cry over stuff that is unimportant, in the grand scheme of things. I have hella anxiety that sometimes effects daily things. 
Do you know who I owe an apology to about these things?  Not a single person. 
If you're like me and say "sorry" without even thinking about it, I want to challenge you to start paying attention to the things that get your apologies. And I want you to stop handing them out when it comes to who you are. 
You are amazing, flaws and all, and you should never apologize for who you are. 

10 Things You (Probably) Didn't Know About Me.

1. I am insanely afraid of whales. Not like, "Oh I think whales are scary," but more like I get hot and clammy and anxious even talking about whales. Whenever I'm in the ocean, no matter how shallow the water is, every time my foot touches something (like, you know, the sand) my first thought is honestly always it's a whale and I'm going to die. 
I'm very rational. 
2. I write a to-do list every single day with every single thing I need to do on it.
3. I hate window shopping. I don't mind going shopping and not finding anything, but I hate shopping without the intention or option of buying things. 
4. When I was 22, I woke up one day covered in hives. Then really weird stuff started happening to me (like, my arms would randomly go numb and I would drop whatever I was holding, or my nose would randomly start gushing blood). Turns out, I developed severe allergies to basically everything overnight. To make a long story short, I had to do an extreme version of the elimination diet for about a year and a half, and was able to add most things back in. The allergies that have stuck around that suck the most are pineapple (because it's in every tropical drink ever) and cucumber (because it's in every sushi roll ever). 
5. Loyalty is insanely important to me. If we're friends and you're arguing with someone and I know you're wrong, I will still stand beside you and back you up until the cows come home. When we're alone, I'll tell you that you're an idiot, but I'll always have your back. 

hat // sweater (similar) // shorts (similar - I thrifted mine) // booties

6. When I started college, I was an elementary education major. I thought I wanted to be a teacher. Actually, I'm not even sure that's true...I think I just had to pick something and that sounded like something I'd be good at, so I picked it. I made it all the way to my student-teaching (horrid experience) before I realized I didn't want to spend every day doing this. I called my dad sobbing junior year and he calmly told me there was nothing stopping me from changing my mind, not even the thousands of dollars he'd paid for all those education classes and certifications. I hung up and marched right to the registrar's office and changed my major to English. 
7. My first memory is of being in my parent's wedding. I don't remember the actual wedding part, but I remember someone putting stick-on-earrings on me before pictures, and I remember playing with my Angelina ballerina set before the wedding with my cousin. 
8. I am an extremely laid back mom, which I did not see coming. Jack has never had a bedtime, I don't restrict screentime, and I let him eat anything. We're both happy, so I think it's working. The only thing I'm uptight about is who I'll leave him alone with...that's a very short list. 
9. I'm a Plexus lover. My friend started selling it awhile back, and I have a rule that if a good friend starts their own business/starts selling something, I'll buy from them at least once, because we should support each other! But plot twist, it seriously worked for me and I'm seriously obsessed with it. 
10. I passionately hated coconut until I was 17. Then I accidentally ordered pasta that had coconut in the sauce and now me and coconut are 8 years into our passionate love affair. 

Tell me something I don't know about you! 

Love.

It is a freaking scary thing to be raising a child in a world where you wake up to news like Vegas. There is something so utterly painful about knowing I can't protect Jack from the evil in the world. I can't keep him from one day learning that people who want to bring terror exist.
But it's also the most motivating thing. Because no matter how bad things get, no matter how repetitive this narrative feels, I will never, ever stop trying to make the world a better place for him.   Yes, there needs to be serious action. If you have money, donate it. If you're in the area and can donate blood, do it. If you're passionate about gun control, call your representatives. But also, ask yourself what you, in this little space where you live your life, can do, right now, amidst your normal day. While you're working, running errands, going to the gym, getting stuff done, what can you do? 
You can be good to others, and you can love. 
Be good to each other, because life is short, and all you have is right now. Love so loudly, so abundantly, so overwhelmingly, that people cannot leave an encounter with you without being so covered in love that they have to pass it on. 
Forgive way too easily. Love anyway. Love in spite of. Love even though. Love, love, love, love, love. 
I can't make the world a safe place for Jack. I can't shield him from the evil that exists in some people. But I can spend my days pouring out copious amounts of love into the world, and hope that it makes even the smallest difference. 
I'll never stop trying, and neither should you. 

just write: everything you are.

do not you dare shrink back 

from everything you are

your soul is a roaring ocean 

and your eyes are burning stars. 

you are magic, you are stardust

made from the best things that exist

so don’t you dare cut yourself apart

simply to fit in. 

do not you dare apologize 

for being loud, or brave, or true

for doing so robs the universe

of the one true precious you.

Spending October: A To-Do List For Adventuring Through the Month.

1. Make a fall bucket list. The next three months fly by faster than any other time of the year, so if there's something you know you for sure want to do, write it down!
2. Treat yourself to a pumpkin spice latte.
3. Then try to copy the recipe at home. 
4. Watch the sunrise with a pumpkin coffee (or tea!). 
5. Make an Autumn in New York station. There's something so nostalgically October about this one. 
6. Have a bonfire. S'mores are strongly encouraged. 
7. Make caramel apples. 
8. Go to a fair or festival in your town. Fall is prime time for these! 
9. Make an effort to be more positive in the way you speak. Especially when you're speaking about yourself. No more putting yourself down!
10. Read a thriller. 
11. Make it a priority to reach out to your people. 
12. Go apple picking. 
13. Host a dinner party. Fancy or casual, you choose! 
14. Work on being present. These months may fly by, but you can choose to be present and enjoy every moment, no matter where you are or what you're doing. 
15. Visit a pumpkin patch. I cannot wait to take Jack back to the pumpkin patch this year. 
16. Buy your pet a costume. Or at least go look at the pet costume section at Target. 
17. Go thrifting and find the perfect chunky sweater. 
18. Drive somewhere that really shows off in the fall. Colors colors colors! 
19. Carve pumpkins. 
20. Throw out all the weird bathroom stuff you keep, but don't use. Examples: halfway used old soap, old nail polish, the toothpaste that wasn't all the way gone, but you bought a new tube, etc. 
21. Go to Trader Joe's. Always a favorite, but they seriously shine in the fall. 
22. Listen to You Are a Bada** by Jen Sincero. It's like a pep-talk in your car. If you use this link you get two free books. 
23. Spend an afternoon baking all the fall treats. 
24. Try meditating. 
25. Make a pumpkin pie smoothie. 
26. Try some crockpot dinners. 
27. Start thinking about resolutions/goals. What are some things you wish you were doing better at / were different right now?
28. Buy Halloween candy.
29. Make soup. I could live off of soup all fall long. 
30. Bring someone a trick-or-treat basket filled with their favorite candy. 
31. Celebrate Halloween!
How will you be spending your October?

Goodbye September, Hello October.

Goodbye, September. 
Goodbye, summer. You were one for the books, and it makes my heart actually ache to think about how full of adventures you were and how much I'm going to miss you. 
Goodbye to surviving my first big hurricane. Cheers to making it work and cheers to (please?) never doing it again. 
Goodbye, butter pecan coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. I was late to the game in discovering you, so our time together was short-lived. I look forward to the many summers we will spend together in the future. 
Goodbye to a month that taught me, over and over again, that I am way stronger than I think, but that I can't do everything alone. That it's okay to ask for help. That taking a break is so okay. That inviting people into your mess is so, so good. 
Hello, October. 
Hello, FALL. With your pumpkin spiced everything and cooler (maybe?) nights. 
Hello, kickoff of the most magical three months of the year. 
Hello, doing more creative writing for fun. You fell off my to-do list this summer (ahem, year) and I really missed you. 
Hello, bonfires and apple cider and pumpkin carving. I'm ready for you.   Hello to more adventures, more strength, and more love, always. 
What are you saying hello and goodbye to this month? 

4 Things You Need to Do in The Outer Banks.

Okay, it's fall, I get it. But it's still 90 degrees here, which means I'm still thinking about the beach and summer and all the fun places I got to go during this one. One of my favorite new-to-me experiences was going to The Outer Banks. I loved all of it, but here are four things you really need to do if you go.

Get a donut at Duck Donuts. Don't hate me for this, but I'm not really the biggest donut fan. (I know, I know, first I tell you I've never read Harry Potter and now this. I will accept the bad blogger award, hand it over). I don't not like donuts, I just won't go out of my way for one, because, meh. 
But these donuts. They made me think that maybe I'd never had a real donut before. Because these are my new favorite things in the world. They make them to order, so they're hot and delicious and really just straight up magical. 

I had a glazed and a maple bacon donut. And I have no pictures of those because I inhaled them in about three seconds. 
If you think I will not find some made up reason to visit The Outer Banks again, with these donuts being the real reason, you do not know me. 
Get an acai bowl from The Spot. 

I have The Spot to thank for awakening my acai bow obsession. They were absolutely delicious, and on top of that, it was the cutest little place. Be still, my hippie heart. 
Get lunch at The Bad Bean. 

More specifically: Get the pork belly jalepeno popper eggrolls and whatever margarita special they have, because they use fresh fruit. I had a watermelon one and it was mostly blended watermelon, no fake syrupy stuff. It was so refreshing and delicious. And I'm still dreaming about those eggrolls. My mouth is watering just typing about them, no joke. 
Go to the beach.

I love me some Florida, but I adored this beach. It was beautiful. And trust me, after you eat all that food, you're gonna need to lay down somewhere. Might as well be on this gorgeous beach. 
Have you been the The OBX? I'm obviously going back for the donuts, so if you have anything I should add to my list, let's hear it!