Three Years a Mom: Happy Birthday, Baby Jack.

Jack, 
I'm writing this the night before your third birthday. It's way too late for you to be napping, but you are. You're curled up against me, breathing deep and slow and radiating so much heat that I'm starting to sweat (you've always been a little furnace, from day one). The simple act of watching your chest rise and fall, watching how your eyelashes flutter just a little bit as you're in between deep sleep and waking up, seeing how peaceful your face looks as you dream...it fills me with so much love my chest feels like it's going to explode. 
You turn three tomorrow, a fact that elicits both a shrug and shock from me. Shock because, how? How are you this old? Didn't I bring you home from the hospital like, last week? But also shrugs because, only three? Haven't you just been around forever? Haven't you always been a part of life? All I know for sure is that my life is so much better, so much happier, so much more full of joy with you in it. 
I want to say thank you. This year has been a hard one in a lot of ways. There were many days that brought me to my knees, and there you always were, ready to snuggle, to share snacks, to demand a baby shark dance party. You didn't even know, and you may never know, just how many days you saved for me this year. I'm thankful for you for a billion reasons, but those days brought a particularly sacred kind of thankfulness for you. 
Now, I may be writing you a letter, but this is also a blog post, and I strive to be honest around here, so I have to let you in on a little secret: YOU ARE DIFFICULT. I am so thankful for you and so in love with you, but kid, you give me a run for my money on a daily basis. I have never been so tired in my whole life. But another secret: I wouldn't change a single second of it. You may drain me on the daily, but good grief if you don't fill me up even more. I've never been so full of so much goodness in my life. You are pure happiness, pure love, pure sweetness. You are everything. I can't believe you're mine. 
You are all of the good things: Brave, kind, trusting, good. You love making people laugh and have the funniest little sense of humor. You have the gentlest heart and the boldest spirit. I can say with zero hesitation that the world will be better because you're in it. 
I could write about you forever, but this seems like a good place to wrap it up. And by that, I mean you just woke up a smidge, stood up, threw your empty milk at me, and yelled "MILKKKK" before falling back into bed. 
Can't wait to see how much fun three is. Happy birthday, my tiny little love.
I love you the most, always and always and always. 

My Favorite Things About Being a Mom This Week.

  He's learning to swim. This slays me with cuteness. He's learning to kick his feet, blow bubbles in the water, and push himself along the wall. Living in Florida, it's just so important for him to learn how to swim...but I had no idea it was going to be so dang cute to see.     He says, "love you, baby!"  A few weeks ago, he was shutting the door and called out, "Love you, baby!" before he shut it. Hilarious. I say that to him all the time, but he's started saying it to me out of the blue and it's precious. He'll also come into the room and say "Hi, baby!" and it cracks me up. Especially because he's very emphatic, so it sounds like, "Luh you, BAY - BEEEE."     He's becoming potty trained. In what will go down as maybe my greatest accomplishment to date (you think I'm kidding), Jack is almost all the way potty trained. PRAISE BE.     He calls out for things when he looks for them. He was looking for his phone (he has an old iPhone to watch movies and play games on, don't @ me) and he was going room to room calling out, "Jack's phone? Jack's phone?"     He'll skip to the end of his favorite movie on his phone to hear the credit song and then "sing" (not a single word right) along with it while he falls asleep.    He copies my workouts.  We got a Bowflex, so I've been working out in the garage. He'll follow me out there, watch me for a minute, then start copying whatever I'm doing. Honestly, he kills it at squats. So funny to watch.    He wants to be Gatsby. He will circle Gatsby to see exactly how he's laying so that he can lay the same way beside him. Yesterday, he started "barking" at the vacuum. I cannot.    Tell me one of your favorite things about a role you fill (Mom? Partner? Friend? Neighbor? Let's hear it!) this week. 

Favorite Things About Being a Mom This Week.

The last few times I've mentioned Jack, it's been in reference to his stomach virus week. In keeping with the focusing on the good (even though it's all good when it comes to him), I wanted to talk about the happier parts. My favorite things about being a mom right now. 
He currently waves goodbye to literally everyone and screams BYEEEE whether they acknowledge him or not. We were at a rest stop the other day and he waved and said bye to every single car that drove by. 
Chris opened the door the other day, and Jack walked up to him and say, "Hello, Chris!" and just walked away. I guess he's just heard other people say Chris? Either way, it was so funny in the moment. He seemed so grown up, it killed me. 
He's talking a ton. I may have no idea what he's saying, but he certainly does. He'll say a bunch of jibberish and then pause and wait for you to say something back, and then nod like he agrees. I swoon. 
When we were in Colorado last year, my mom made up a song about Colorado that they sing together. He'll randomly bust out with "Whoa whoa whoa, Colorado." The other day he was in the kitchen, crying and saying "Colorado" and pointing at the counter, where there was a bowl of avocados. I can't blame him, they're big words and sound similar. So now he asks for "Colorados" when he's hungry. RIP my heart. 
I've been doing lots of yoga, and anytime I get my mat out, he runs to the closet and rolls a second mat out next to me. He mimics all the poses (and is actually pretty dang good). 
Tell me your favorite thing about a role you play right now: Best friend, mom, neighbor, dog mom, co-worker, sister? Let's hear it. 

Love.

It is a freaking scary thing to be raising a child in a world where you wake up to news like Vegas. There is something so utterly painful about knowing I can't protect Jack from the evil in the world. I can't keep him from one day learning that people who want to bring terror exist.
But it's also the most motivating thing. Because no matter how bad things get, no matter how repetitive this narrative feels, I will never, ever stop trying to make the world a better place for him.   Yes, there needs to be serious action. If you have money, donate it. If you're in the area and can donate blood, do it. If you're passionate about gun control, call your representatives. But also, ask yourself what you, in this little space where you live your life, can do, right now, amidst your normal day. While you're working, running errands, going to the gym, getting stuff done, what can you do? 
You can be good to others, and you can love. 
Be good to each other, because life is short, and all you have is right now. Love so loudly, so abundantly, so overwhelmingly, that people cannot leave an encounter with you without being so covered in love that they have to pass it on. 
Forgive way too easily. Love anyway. Love in spite of. Love even though. Love, love, love, love, love. 
I can't make the world a safe place for Jack. I can't shield him from the evil that exists in some people. But I can spend my days pouring out copious amounts of love into the world, and hope that it makes even the smallest difference. 
I'll never stop trying, and neither should you. 

34 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

And just like that, Christmastime is here and Jack is thirty-four weeks along in his little life. 

Thirty. Four. Weeks.....what? 

It's not that thirty-four weeks seems so long, it's that six weeks seems so short. Very, very short. I feel like six weeks is a phrase we throw around all the time. You go to the doctor or to get a haircut and they say, "See you back here in six weeks!" You meet about a project at work and say, "We'll revisit our progress in six weeks." And I'm over here like, "Oh, just having a baby in six weeks!" 

So, that's happening. 

• We read him a book for the first time this week. We took turns reading pages of The Lion King, and Jack loved it. He did not stop moving until the book was finished...it's the most I've ever felt him move so constantly like that. I say it means he's going to love reading!

• Our Christmas tree is set up and perfectly cozy, and when I stay curled up in bed drinking my coffee and looking at it every morning, I wonder if it will still be set up when Jack gets here. I usually leave it up for at least the first week of January, sometimes longer. So who knows!

• After spending a lot of time researching (so, browsing Pinterest), I made several lists this week: Things we need before he comes, things that would be nice to get, and things I want to get for him, but don't need immediately. As a planner, it was a huge relief to get everything down on paper and see exactly what I need to be doing until he gets here. But it also made everything seem so real...like I was making a grocery list for company coming in town. It's so weird to be planning for this member of my family that I've never met...so, so weird, but so exciting. On that note, any suggestions for things that are absolutely necessary for life with a newborn? 

34 weeks down, 6(ish) to go.