I Forgot Who I Was: How Pregnancy Changed Me.

I'm sure you read that and think, Ah, yes. She got pregnant and lost her identity. She became a mom and motherhood swallowed her. She forgot who she was because she was just a mom. Because we've all heard one version or another of that story before.
But that's not true for me. See, I forgot who I was before I got pregnant.
Not in a huge way. Not in a life-crisis kind of way. I didn't go flying off the deep end, I didn't have an affair, I didn't hate my life. In fact, I was actually pretty happy. We were getting closer and closer to the end of med-school. I had a good job. My weekends were filled with drinks and dancing with friends, rooftop pool days, and lazy brunches.
The forgetting who I was wasn't accompanied by a huge bout of depression or a drastic circumstance. It happened little by little, so far under the surface of everyday life that I really didn't even notice it.
I stopped writing as much, (outside of blogging) because it wasn't turning out to be hugely successful for me. I stopped doing things I liked, like browsing thrift stores for fun, because I didn't have anyone to go with, and it felt lame to go by myself. I'm a huge dreamer and planner, but our future was so up in the air with Match Day coming up, that I kind of just stopped planning and even dreaming about the future.
And then. Jack. 
Getting pregnant reminded me of who I was. 
I've said before that baby Jack was a surprise, but once the shock wore off (so..like six months later? haha), I started thinking about the kind of life I wanted him to have and the kind of person I wanted to teach him to be. Kind, thankful, adventurous, unique, passionate. I wanted him to follow his dreams, no matter what they were. I wanted him to find something he loved and set the world on fire.
And then I thought...remember when I wanted those things for me, too? What happened?
I wasn't a bad person. I wasn't wasting my life. I wasn't even really unhappy. I just wasn't me. 

I didn't have to reinvent who I was, I just had to remember who I was. And being handed a brand new, fussy, tiny little baby did just that. From the moment I saw him, everything just felt so clear. It was like the proverbial fog cleared and I could instantly see what I wanted my life to be, who I wanted to be, and what was the most important.
I've read a lot of stories about how having a baby made moms lose their identity. That it made them forget who they were. I just wanted to offer another perspective.
Having a baby reminded me of who I was. Becoming a mom helped me find my way back to the version of myself that I loved the most. And I will always, always be so thankful for that.

People Who Need to Stop Killing My Vibe: Pregnancy Edition.

Some of my favorite posts ever are the lists of people who need to stop killing my vibe (here and here). I think we have established that there are rude people who can't keep their thoughts to themselves pretty much everywhere you go, but let me just tell you...those people come crawling out of the woodwork when you're pregnant. It's like your growing stomach is an open invitation for strangers to come up to you and say inappropriate/rude/bizarre things.

When I was pregnant, I kept a list on my phone of these things to use for a blog post. And then I forgot all about it, because, you know, I was having baby. But I found it this morning, and so I present to you: The Pregnancy Edition of People Who Need to Stop Killing My Vibe.

People who say, "You look tired!"



And then wait, as if I am going to explain why I look so tired. Because surely it couldn't have anything to do with the fact that I AM GROWING A HUMAN.

People who say, "No more of that! Life as you know it is over!"

Sure. Also, when you get a new job, life as you know it is over. Or when you move, life as you know it is over. My life is changing, it is not over.

People who tell me they can tell I'm definitely hang a girl, no matter what the ultrasound says. 

I mean, I have a pretty graphically obvious picture on my fridge that says otherwise, but okay.

People who ask me how much weight I have gained. 

See also: People who now ask me how much weight I've lost.

People who ask, "Yes, but is your HUSBAND really happy?"

I actually got this one a lot. It's always asked like, "But did he actually want a baby?" As if this is a one person job.

No, I secretly got myself pregnant on purpose and now I'm making him stay with me through his misery..why don't you let me tell you all the juicy details?

Also, I'm fine, thanks for asking.

Anyone who sees pregnancy as an invitation to tell me a horror story about something terrible that happened to their friend when she was pregnant. 

And most recently: People who like to retroactively tell me what I did wrong when I was pregnant. 

I know you guys have some of these! Please oh please share them. 

Postpartum Jean Shopping: A Horror Story.

Before I got pregnant, I was in the best shape I'd ever been in. I'd finally gotten into a routine where I enjoyed working out every day, and my body was definitely reflecting that. When I found out Jack was on the way, I thought, "Great! I'll be one of those people who works out through their entire pregnancy!" 

Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead I got, "I'll be one of those people who throws up every day throughout their whole pregnancy!" Super fun.

But even if I had been able to work out, growing AN ENTIRE HUMAN wreaks some havoc on your body. And by havoc I mean it grows insanely fast and stretches and shifts everything. So that's fun. 

Regardless, two weeks ago, I was feeling pretty good-a side effect of no longer having a human living inside of you-and had gone for a long walk, which to me, was the equivalent of running a marathon compared to my physical activity for the last ten months. So I did what any sane person would do and decided to pull out all of my pre-pregnancy clothes that were packed away and try them on. 

 

Long story (And by long I mean me spending entirely too long staring affectionally at all the crop tops and shorts I bought literally three weeks before I found out I was pregnant) short, it was obvious that no jeans I owned were going to fit for a long time. 

I wanted to find a cheap pair of jeans to be my "in-between" jeans (in between now and what is yet to be determined, stay tuned), so I did what anyone would do-I went to Target. 

Small side note-Jack has probably been to Target more than anywhere else in his short life. I think this means I am doing motherhood right.

We get to Target and I grab the size up from what I normally wear. I think to myself, my body hasn't changed thaaaat much. 

But then I hold the jeans up, and notice how tiny they look....like, the size of one of my legs, tiny. So I look around and then grab one more size up. Just in case. And then one more. Can't hurt. 

I then ventured into the fitting room, with its unflattering light and 360 degree mirrors (WHY). Instead of starting with the biggest ones, I decide to try on the smallest jeans. 

Turns out, I was wrong! They weren't the size of one of my legs. In fact, they fit my legs just fine! 

...up to my kneecaps. 

Okay, so, Target's jeans have gotten smaller! It's been awhile since I even tried any on. It happens. The next size up it is!

Buuuuuut it's actually not, because those are tiny too. 

So then it's just me and the biggest size jeans I brought in there. I stared at them, maybe cursed at them a little bit, and then left them on the floor. Because when I held them up, I was preeeeettttty sure they were not even a little bit bigger than the other two pairs I tried on. 

So I threw them left them in a nice little pile on the floor and told Chris I was ready to go. To which his response was, "try some more on!" And when I told him none of them fit, he said, I kid you not, "Just try a bigger size. There has to be a size here big enough to fit you."

...

.....

.......

...........

Upon hearing what his brain had accidentally let him say, he quickly rephrased his response to, "Do you want to go get a drink?"

That's better. 

Moral of the story: Leggings forever. 

PS: This is all in good fun. While I do think Target's jeans are incredibly tiny, I am not delusional and do in fact know that my body made an entire human six weeks ago. The fact that the jeans did not fit is understandable. 

PSS: I found some that fit at Banana Republic. In case you need some, too. 

39 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Gatsby doesn't hate all this lounging and waiting on Jack to arrive. 

Remember how I said my pregnancy was both flying by and lasting forever? I take it back. It's definitely lasting forever. I didn't know time could move this slowly. It's only been 2016 for 7 days? Lies. Surely this year has already last four months, right? And I've been 39 weeks pregnant for about 12 weeks now? 

• All joking aside, I'm reminding myself that it's a privilege to get to carry a baby to full term, and that many people have had to give birth early and spend a long time in the hospital instead of at home with their little love. I may be extremely uncomfortable, but I'm also extremely thankful that my little guy seems to be doing good...he's just nice and cozy and doesn't want to face the real world yet. On that, we can understand each other. 

• At my baby shower, people brought me books instead of cards. Because we live in a studio, they had to go into storage until I could clear some space for them. I finally got around to clearing off my bookshelf (no easy task for any book-lover), and put all the baby books up on the shelf. I am so excited to get to read all of these stories to him.

• We're at this weird place where everything that is going to get done is already done. Meaning that we've done everything we know of to do...everything is set up, the clothes and sheets are all washed, the hospital bags packed, freezer meals ready...we're no longer racing the clock on a to-do list, we're just waiting on Jack. 

• Chris said to me, "I feel like we're just running out the clock at this point." He didn't mean it in a bad way, but I hate the idea of not taking advantage of time we have together, so I made him play cards with me. And about twenty minutes into that, cried because my back hurt, so we just went to bed instead. I'm learning that the advice you get for the end of pregnancy just isn't realistic for everyone. Things like, "Go on as many date nights as you can during those last few weeks!" (I love a good date night, but the thought of having to sit at a table for an hour and a half right now makes me want to cry) Or, "Stock up on sleep now, you're going to need it!" (HA. HA. HA. 39 week pregnant me would love nothing more than to stock up on sleep. 39 week pregnant me also happens to be incapable of sleeping more than a few hours at a time, since I'm housing an entire human at the moment.) So I'm letting go of the picture other people had painted for me--a relaxing, honeymoon-type phase with my babe before our littlest gets here--and instead embracing lots of Netflix and movie nights where we have to pause the show every twenty minutes so I can get a snack/go to the bathroom/switch positions/ask for a massage/make Chris switch seats with me because his seat looks more comfortable/pause again  because it wasn't more comfortable and I want my seat back. But hey, if running out the clock is what we're doing, there's no one in the entire world I'd rather be doing it with. 

39 weeks down, 1(ish) to go. ONE. WEEK. SEVEN. DAYS. Hopefully this is the last one of these posts I'll be writing, and next time I write anything about Jack, it will be accompanied by a picture of his sweet little face! 

Whenever you're ready, little man. 

36 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

36 weeks and counting! Less than 30 days until Jack's birthday. I think I've reached the point of just feeling surreal about everything--I should be far more nervous/scared/excited than I am. Instead, I feel like I'm excited about something that's in the far off future, something that may happen one day...not something that is very much happening in only a matter of weeks. 

• When I left my doctor's appointment this week, she said, "I'll see you next week! Unless you have your baby before then!" To which I said goodbye to her and then sat in the room having this reaction: 

• I can no longer reach my toes. I've heard people say this, but I thought it was dumb--just because your stomach gets bigger doesn't mean you can't reach your feet, right? WRONG. I mean, I can reach my toes, but it lasts about five seconds before I start to pass out because I cannot breathe. So yeah, toe touching is off the table for now. Now, since I've married the most amazing guy in the world, he actually painted my toenails for me this week. If you were wondering what true love looks like, there you have it.

• I'm enjoying every bit of this Christmas season, and it's making me so sentimental. I've never felt such true love as I have this season: Love for Chris, for our baby we haven't met yet, the love he has for me. How he paints my toenails when I can't reach them, installs carseats in the backseat of his sports car, looks up stuff for me to read and watch so I'll feel more prepared when it comes to having a baby. This is a terrifyingly new experience, and I can't imagine doing it with anyone other than Christopher. I am so, so thankful for the love he has for me and our little guy, especially this week. 

36 weeks down, 4 weeks to go. FOUR. WEEKS. TO. GO. 

35 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Five weeks left. F-I-V-E. If you wanted to count that, you could do so ON ONE HAND. 

So, to recap: Christmas Eve is two weeks from today. New Years Eve is three weeks from today. And Jack's (supposed to be) birthday is five weeks from today. I know every single one of those things is going to be here before I know it. 

• We tried to install the carseat...only to realize it doesn't fit in the car. So we went and bought a different carseat, and it barely fit. Does anyone have any recommendations for compact carseats? 

• We went to Universal and walked around yesterday, and we went into the Christmas ornament store (which is there all year, but I only like to go in at Christmastime-because sweating bullets and looking at Christmas trees in June just feels weird, ya know?) The past two years, we've bought an ornament for our tree, and this year we got one with Jack's name on it. 

• I had a scare yesterday morning where I thought he may be trying to make a break for it, and that made me realize how not ready I am. There's still so much to do! Here's hoping he actually waits five more weeks. 

35 weeks down, 5(ish) weeks to go!

It's Your Story. You Should Tell it.

If you've been reading around here for any bit of time, you know that this year, I got pregnant, and it was a surprise.

I love writing-it's such a big part of my life-so of course I wanted to write about how everything was changing. I didn't want to write about weight gain and cravings, I wanted to write about how this surprise was changing my life, how I was processing everything, what the ups and downs were...I wanted to write the real stuff.

And you know what? I felt incredibly guilty. And very, very timid.

Who was I to write about how the idea that I was going to be a mom was taking some getting used to when there are women out there who have been trying for years to become a mom? Who was I to be honest about my first reaction being one other than pure joy when there are people in this world who would do anything to be able to be in my position?

The first few things I wrote about being pregnant (and even the first few discussions I had!), I felt like I had to filter them through a certain light. I couldn't be too real, not when other people had so much bigger stories to share than mine.

But here's the truth: The second that plus sign showed up on the test, it became part of my story.

I had not planned on having a baby, but I was having one nonetheless, and it was hard to process. That became part of my story.

It took me awhile to feel anything other than scared. It took a bit before I was truly excited to have a growing family. That became part of my story.

I'm now almost 35 weeks pregnant, sitting with a mug of peppermint mocha coffee balancing on my stomach, watching it move up and down as he tumbles all around in there, and having a hard time imagining life having gone any other way. I'm so in love with this little guy, still terrified of the unknown, but mostly just so excited to meet him. That's part of my story.

And yes, other people have stories that seem bigger to me. Stories that seem better, that seem worse. But those are their stories.

I believe everyone should tell their story, because it's theirs. I'm going to write about and talk about my story, because it's mine. And I hope you do the same.

Just because there are people who have it better than you, people who have it worse than you, doesn't mean your story isn't worth telling. It is. Because it's yours. You should tell it.

34 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

And just like that, Christmastime is here and Jack is thirty-four weeks along in his little life. 

Thirty. Four. Weeks.....what? 

It's not that thirty-four weeks seems so long, it's that six weeks seems so short. Very, very short. I feel like six weeks is a phrase we throw around all the time. You go to the doctor or to get a haircut and they say, "See you back here in six weeks!" You meet about a project at work and say, "We'll revisit our progress in six weeks." And I'm over here like, "Oh, just having a baby in six weeks!" 

So, that's happening. 

• We read him a book for the first time this week. We took turns reading pages of The Lion King, and Jack loved it. He did not stop moving until the book was finished...it's the most I've ever felt him move so constantly like that. I say it means he's going to love reading!

• Our Christmas tree is set up and perfectly cozy, and when I stay curled up in bed drinking my coffee and looking at it every morning, I wonder if it will still be set up when Jack gets here. I usually leave it up for at least the first week of January, sometimes longer. So who knows!

• After spending a lot of time researching (so, browsing Pinterest), I made several lists this week: Things we need before he comes, things that would be nice to get, and things I want to get for him, but don't need immediately. As a planner, it was a huge relief to get everything down on paper and see exactly what I need to be doing until he gets here. But it also made everything seem so real...like I was making a grocery list for company coming in town. It's so weird to be planning for this member of my family that I've never met...so, so weird, but so exciting. On that note, any suggestions for things that are absolutely necessary for life with a newborn? 

34 weeks down, 6(ish) to go. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS & 33 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

It's the day after Thanksgiving, which means HELLO, CHRISTMAS! If you think I will be spending today doing anything other that listening to Christmas music, putting up the tree, and drinking hot chocolate, you clearly don't know me. 

Christmas is my favorite thing in the world, but I also adore fall, so I am very serious about waiting until the day after Thanksgiving for anything Christmas-related. But here we are, so bring on allllll the Christmas! 

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, but it was also 33 weeks for me and baby Jack!

• Last week, we traveled all over. We covered North Carolina, Michigan, and Texas in just four days. It was an adventure and I'm so glad I got to see those places that could be potential new homes for us! However, I do believe I have hit my traveling limit until the baby comes. Traveling while pregnant is hard. 

• Speaking of: Wanna know what else starting happening this week? Contractions. I've been having Braxton Hicks for a few weeks now, but this week they started to hurt. Is the baby coming? Nope! Just my body playing pranks. Really cool. I feel like the last two months of pregnancy should be super chill and pain-free since you're gearing up for a life-changing and most likely pretty painful experience, but hey, no one asked me. 

• Thanksgiving was yesterday, and I obviously took my "eating for two" responsibility very seriously. Gotta keep this little guy fed, am I right? 

• This holiday season is the most sentimental one yet. I want to enjoy every second of it just being Christopher and me, but at the same time, we keep talking about how next Thanksgiving and Christmas, we'll be a family of three! It makes me view the holidays in a whole new light, especially Thanksgiving. My heart has never been so full!

33 weeks down, 7(ish) to go. PS: That's less than 50 days. WHAT IS LIFE.

A Rude Farmer and Things You Should Probably Not Say to Your Pregnant Friends.

Last week, there was a farmer set up outside my apartment selling some produce. We stopped by his table, and he said, "If you don't mind me saying so, you look amazing." To which I replied, "I don't mind at all!" But then things started to go downhill.

Farmer: "I've seen so many women use pregnancy as an excuse to gain hundreds of pounds."

Really? That seems a little excessive. But okay. Can I just pay for this banana bread now?

Farmer: "It took my wife a matter of days to be back down to her pre-pregnancy weight!"

Chris: "Great! We want this banana bread.

Farmer: "The best advice I can give you is this: Don't feel like you have to listen to anyone's advice. Just do what you think is best, you'll figure it out. Everyone is going to give you unsolicited advice, but just ignore it."

Me: "That is good advice! Thank you."

Farmer: "But, if I could just give you one piece of advice..."

Did you not just hear the words that came out of your mouth? Stop. Just let me pay for this freaking bread.

Farmer: "How old are you?"

Me: 23.

Farmer (turns to Chris): "So, your sexy, 22 year old wife from last year, she's dead." 

Chris and I just look at each other because 1) We had no idea that I had died last year, so that was a shocker, and 2) What is happening and can we just leave now. 

Farmer: "She's dead, and she's never coming back. This-gestures up and down at me-is what you've got now. The sooner you can make your peace with that, the happier you will be."

Me: Tries really hard to not throw banana bread at farmer's face. 

So, that was quite the experience. I have so many things to say about it, but I'll just leave it there and let you use your imagination about how I feel.

Which brings us to some things you should probably not ever say or do to someone who is pregnant. AKA, more weird and rude things that have happened to me and I feel the need to share with you, in case you have pregnant friends.

Grab their stomachs. Especially if you are not close friends with them. This is not something you say, but it gets the number one spot because it will never stop being weird to me. Never have I ever seen a pregnant woman somewhere and just decided I must put my hands on her immediately.

Say things like, "Aren't you so glad you're past the hard part?" We waited to tell people about the baby until the end of the first trimester, and a lot of people think that morning sickness (which is horribly named, because nothing about it is limited to the morning) ends promptly at 12 weeks. And for some people, it does. But do you know when I stopped throwing up? A few weeks ago.

Also, in the grand scheme of, you know, having a baby, I don't feel like the first little bit is the hardest part, but that's just me.

Ask, "How much weight have you gained?" I feel like this is just common sense. Never ever ask this question. To anyone. Ever.

Say things like, "You have no idea, just wait until _____." I obviously know nothing about having a child, because I've never had one. But you know what's not fun at all? Having people tell you that you have no idea. So when your pregnant friend mentions that her back is killing her, shooting back with, "You think your back hurts now? Just wait until you have to carry a toddler around!" helps no one. Pregnancy is hard. Just let it be hard without trying to assert your vast knowledge of hard things.

Ask, "You're not eating _____, are you?" Either the answer is no, and there's no reason to talk about the food I am missing out on, or the answer is yes, and there's no reason for you to tell me why it's a horrible idea. If your pregnant best friend is eating sushi and drinking saki bombs, then by all means, feel free to have a conversation with her. But resist the urge to talk to your pregnant acquaintance about the dangers of that second cup of coffee. Trust me, she's heard it.

Make negative comments about having kids. In case you missed some vital days of school, I'll fill you in on something: Being pregnant leads to having a kid. Why people think it's okay to tell me all the negative things about having a kid, when I am clearly about to have a kid, is so confusing to me.

Ask things like, "Are you having an epidural?" Or, "Are you going to take this medication?" Exception: Totally ask these things if, when you hear the answer, your response will be: "Great!" And then move on. However, these questions usually come with a prepared rebuttal speech and that is just exhausting. Trust that if I've made a decision, I've done my research.

And, I think it goes without saying: Don't be a rude farmer who tells people the days of being sexy are behind them. You might get banana bread thrown at your face.

32 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Gatsby took the bassinet being set up to remind us all of who the real baby of the house is. I seriously cannot wait to see him and the baby together...I really do think they'll be best friends. 

• We started getting serious about making room for the baby this week! We sold our sectional to make room for his crib and rocker and all that goes along with it. Because we live in a teeny tiny studio, and-I don't know if I've mentioned this before-renewed our lease three days before I found out I was pregnant. So this is make it work time, people. 

• I washed all his tiny clothes this week. It blows my mind that a human being can be so small that they can fit into those itsy bitsy pants (that definitely have a little fox on the butt)...I'm pretty sure I won't believe that until I actually see it. 

• I'm definitely freaking out more this week. For starters, it is my professional medical opinion that Jack grew three sizes overnight. It's like I woke up to find a bowling ball in my stomach. A very strong bowling ball that has decided to nestle his feet under my ribs and practice kickball. Secondly, this whole time, I've known that the last bit was going to go by the quickest..I've said that the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas flies by more than any other time of the year, so I know once Thanksgiving hits, he'll be here before we know it. Well, guess what next week is? THANKSGIVING. AKA pretty much Christmas, AKA almost Jack's birthday. 

32 weeks down, 8 weeks to go. Until then, I'm just focusing on enjoying every second of this holiday season with just Christopher and me-next year will be much different! 

31 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Looking at the calendar this morning, it is absolutely crazy to me that it is somehow the second week of November. More than that, though, it's crazy to me that I've been pregnant for 31 weeks. Even more that that, though, it's crazy to me that it means there's only 9 more weeks until Baby Jack's birthday. 

So yeah, lots of feelings happening over here. 

• My baby shower was this week, and it was absolutely perfect. I can't wait to write all about it and share all the pictures. My mom managed to throw the most magical party that reflected my personality so well, and it was the best day ever. Foxes and fairy tales and tiny macaroons...pure magic. 

• Getting baby presents was so much fun. Going through them the next day with Chris was the best. Everything feels so real now. If babe was born tomorrow, he would have somewhere to sleep and something to wear and a carseat to ride home in and a stroller to go out in. Of course, none of that stuff is put together or washed, but hey, it's here, and that fills me with so many feelings. 

• I went to the eye doctor this week, and after saying how far along I am, she asked me, "How sure are you that you're pregnant?" So, there's that. Happy Thursday, everybody. 

31 weeks down, 9(ish) weeks to go. <-- In case you didn't notice, that's a single digit. Time to wash those baby clothes!

30 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Baby got to visit Lake Eerie this week! 

To say that I'm at 30 weeks feels so surreal. On one hand, when I think about the day I found out, it feels like an entire forever has happened since then. But 30 weeks just sounds so serious! Like, this is happening. It's crunch time!

• This week was so much fun, getting to travel together for residency interviews. Even though he hasn't made his grand entrance yet, it was our first time traveling as a little fam! Getting to see fall colors and have some cooler temperatures was so nice. However....I have no warm maternity clothes. I live in Florida! So I spent a few hours freezing before I just layered everything I had in my suitcase on all at once. I also may or may not have purchased some bedazzled gloves from a CVS, but that's a story for another day. 

• My baby shower is this weekend, but we got our first gifts this week! It's odd, but actually owning baby things in person makes everything feel more real to me than anything else that's happened up until this point. 

• I'm so uncomfortable. There's just no way around it. He's gotten so big that he's always squishing or pressing down on or kicking something. I feel so heavy and it's hard to breathe. What's hard about this is realizing that it will just continue until he gets here, because he only gets bigger from here. That's obviously good, but it's rough. Somebody pass the Chick-Fil-A. 

• On our trip last weekend, somewhere between Cincinnati and Cleveland, we finally settled on a name. Now that he has a name, I feel like I can start to imagine him as a person..so crazy. 

30 weeks down, 10(ish) to go. TEN. Baby Jack, we are so excited to meet you.

29 Weeks: Things I want to remember.

The last week of October means fall dates and pumpkin patch visits! 

• First things first: I passed my glucose test! I do not have diabetes, nor do I have to stop eating copious amounts of sugar. Not that I'm doing that. No, you have a problem.

• I've been so excited that I'm due in January because there's a brand new women's wing of the hospital opening at the end of the year, and that's where I'll have my baby. I found out yesterday that they pushed their opening back two weeks after my due date. So I will not be delivering at the fancy hotel-like new hospital. When my doctor told me this, he said "I have to tell people, the team taking care of you is more important than your thread count." This made me wonder if people complain about the sheets a lot, and if I would be judged for bringing my own sheets. Please advise. Again: No, you have a problem. 

• Interviews kicked off this week...we went to Miami last week, and are headed to Ohio this week. It's so crazy trying to imagine having a baby in these places. Life is weird. But also really good. 

29 weeks down, 11(ish) to go. That's 77 days, in case you were wondering. This. Is. Real.

28 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Reunited with the love of my life this week!

Twelve weeks to go. I don't know why, but twelve seems like such a smaller number than thirteen does. The first thing I thought of this morning was how we waited until I was twelve weeks pregnant before we made it public knowledge...and it felt like forever. But now that there are only twelve weeks left, it feels like the shortest amount of time. Time is a really weird thing. 

• Christopher came home. He's been gone for two months (more on this later), and while I like to be all, "I am woman, hear me roar" about things, being pregnant alone is not fun. He's been home for two days and it just feels so nice that my little family is back together again. It's the best to have him with me to feel the baby moving and see first hand what's going on, rather than explaining it over FaceTime. 

• Target deleted 75% of my baby registry. Two weeks before my baby shower. NOPE. Apparently it was a universal problem, and it kind of made me feel bad for them...because they singlehandedly screwed over a group of hormonal women who want presents. Not exactly the group you want coming after you. Update: Everything has been added back and we are back in action. 

• We bought our first article of baby clothes. We popped into a Ross to look for something, and I couldn't help but browse the racks of tiny little clothes. Clearly he needed some fox footie pajamas. 

28 weeks down, 12(ish) to go. I feel like I should be freaking out, but I'm really not. Mostly because Chris is home and there's someone to share the freaking out load. Marriage is great. Now...I'm off to take my glucose test. Let's hope those two donuts I ate yesterday don't find a way to bite me in my ever-growing backside.  

Dear Pre-Pregnant Me.

Hey girl.

Congratulations on being almost 6-months sober! No, you didn't become an alcoholic. You're having a baby!

I know, I know. Not the plan, right? But listen, just because you're actively trying to not have a baby does not mean that you're not supposed to have one. Hear me out.

Right now, you're in the middle of a wild and free phase. You're making travel plans, counting down the days until Chris is done with rotations so you guys can go adventure all over together. So when you wake up on a Wednesday and see a plus sign on a white stick, your first reaction will be one of being upset. You will spend months feeling guilty about that, but try to cut yourself a break. It's okay, I promise.

When you tell Chris, it will be on a night where you had plans to attend a school function. When you tell him that you can still go because you know it's important, he will grab you by the shoulders and say, "That doesn't matter. Nothing else matters."

He will be so, so right.

Some people will be happy for you and some won't. Some people will say congratulations and some will say I'm sorry. It's all very confusing, but none of it matters.

You don't know anything about having a baby, but I'll let you in on a secret I've recently been let in on: No one does. Even if they've been planning for years, no one really knows about having a baby until they actually have one.

All those wild and free dreams you have? They don't go away. But one day, without even realizing it, they start to include a little boy. You start to dream of traveling with the love of your life and a wild-haired blonde boy. You start to dream of trips home to see your parents so he can play in the treehouse you know he will have in their backyard. You start to dream of making a new home somewhere, with you and Chris and this little guy and Gatsby. The more time that goes on, the more perfect these dreams become.

And it's hard. It's harder--physically and many other ways--than anyone could have prepared you for. But you're also stronger than you would have ever thought. I haven't even met him yet, but I can already tell you: It's all worth it.

One day, on a Wednesday, you will wake up to an incredibly normal day, with no idea how much your life is about to change in a few short hours.

One day, on a Thursday, you will feel the distinct kick of a tiny little foot, and that will be the moment you fully realize that that you're adding a real, live human to your family--a tiny little human with his own personality, who will be all yours.

One day, on a Friday, you will be spending your day off filling in blank spaces on the calendar--match day, graduation, interviews--and it will be like the final piece of a puzzle just clicks in for you. Of course you're supposed to have a baby. Of course he's supposed to be at match day and graduation with you. Of course there's supposed to be another member of your family. Of course. 

So, you're in for quite the ride. You will be upset, you will be frustrated, you will be sick, you will be fat, you will be terrified. But just hang in there. Because your moments of clarity are coming. The excitement is on the way. Just hang in there.

Oh, and one more thing. Do me a favor and go out tonight and get sushi. The good kind--the cold, fresh, raw kind. And get a beer with that. Trust me, you have no idea how much you really love beer until it's the middle of the scorching hot summer and you can't have one.

You're about to grow up real fast. But you're going to surprise yourself in the best of ways. And six months into the future, you won't be able to imagine your life playing out in any other way. So just hold on. You've got a good thing coming.

What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself? 

27 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Every single morning, Gatsby snuggles on my stomach while I drink coffee. He's already BFF with the baby. 

And just like that, it's the middle of October. Which just so happens to mean that this baby is 27 weeks along. Which just so happens to mean there are only 13 weeks left until he gets here. 

Let's just take a moment of silence for all the tasks that the baby books say I should have completed by now. 

• I got to have lunch with Meg and her brand new babe. I held the little munchkin while Megan filled me in on all the dirty details I asked about (side note: It's super awesome to have friends who just recently had a baby, because they haven't forgotten the scary things about labor and having a newborn and things I need to know!). The entire time I was holding that tiny little babe, I just kept thinking, "It's literally a matter of weeks until I will be holding my own tiny human." So. Crazy.

• He's so big now that I can feel him moving on both sides of my stomach at the same time. Before, I would just feel a jab or movement in one specific spot, but he's grown so much that I can feel his hands and feet (that's my guess--who knows what it really is) on opposites sides, wiggling at the same time. 

• The one thing we didn't find when we registered was bedding...there were only two options in the store and I didn't like either one of them. I had looked on Etsy and other small shops like that, and of course there are hundreds of perfect options...that are going to cost you hundreds of dollars. It just seems a little crazy to me to pay $95 for a sheet that my kid is most definitely going to puke on at some point. Anyway, my mom suggestion I look online at Target...and holy fox goodness, I found the perfect bedding.

• My baby shower invites went out this week! I'm so so exited to celebrate. My mom throws the best parties, so I know it's going to be a magical day. Spoiler: The theme is "A little fox is on his way." I swoon. 

27 weeks down, 13(ish) to go. If you were wondering how many days 13 weeks is, the answer is 91. Ninety. Freaking. One. We are less than 100 days away from meeting this little guy!

26 Weeks: Things I Want to Remember.

Just a fun little story for you: I took this picture at work to send to Chris, and somehow (Thanks, Apple TV), it got broadcast on the office flat screens during a staff meeting. Casual. 

Twenty. Six. Freaking. Weeks. How? When? How? Why? HOW? <- This is pretty much what plays on a loop in my brain currently. Let's just say I am very thankful for moments spent with pumpkin scented candles and cups of fall tea. Because if you think you're an anxious person, just try throwing being pregnant in there. It's a party, that's for sure. 

• At my doctor's appointment, it took her a bit to find the baby's heartbeat because he was kicking the heartbeat monitor. He did not want his heartbeat listened to, thank you very much. She asked if he gets his feistiness from me, and I told her it may be a possibility. 

• The doctor gave me a list of things I have to do this month...things like take a prenatal class, pick out a carseat, find a pediatrician...all things that seem very end stage to me. It made me start to panic, and I immediately got in my car and told the baby he needs to stay put, please and thank you.

• At the same appointment, I got a teddy bear with the recording of his heartbeat inside. I swoon. 

• I went to Trader Joe's (because of the baby, duh) to stock up on pumpkin goodness, and I said something about blaming all my purchases on being pregnant to the cashier. He replied that he would have never known I was pregnant had I not said anything. Then, I stepped away from the counter to get my groceries, and he said, "WHOA, okay, yeah, I can definitely tell." Thank you, kind stranger. Thank you.

26 weeks down, 14(ish) weeks to go. I know these 14 weeks are going to be gone before I know it, and I'm savoring every single day.

Why I'm Refusing to Compare Myself to Other Women.

We've already established that I know nothing about having a baby. However, with the giant wave of advice that comes with getting pregnant, I've recently learned a few things. Allow me to share them with you.

You are supposed to eat right. Depending on who is telling you this, the meaning of "right" varies greatly. I'm still confused on if it means only meat and veggies, no meat at all, fat-free things, full-fat things..but either way, bottom line, you're supposed to eat right. But, you also get to eat whatever you want for 9 months!

You should take it easy. Relaxing is good for the baby! So is taking what you normally do down a couple of notches. But, you should also exercise so much that you only gain the literal weight of the baby. 

You need to basically plan their entire life before they even get here. You need to pick a preschool, and an elementary school, and probably go ahead and register them for middle school, too. Don't forget to start a college fund! But, you should not stress AT ALL. It's bad for the baby. 

You should save all of your money. Baby's are expensive and they are going to need every spare penny you have. But, you should also buy a $2,000 stroller and a temperpedic crib and take lavish "baby moon" vacations. 

And don't even get me started on vaccination advice. 

So yeah, I've learned a lot.

And by that, I mean I've learned nothing at all.

Except that it is absolutely pointless to compare myself to other people. Moms, soon to be moms, and non-moms...they all have good advice and bad advice, opinions that matter and those that don't. It's just human nature. But holding myself up next to every single person's standards, it would just eat away all of my peace.

I'm going to do my best, that I know for sure. I'm going to gain more than 8 pounds, but I'm going to love him fiercely. I'm going to eat my fair share of pumpkin cake, but I'll eat a salad every now and then, just for him. I'm going to save enough to buy him the things he needs, but I'm also going to buy a PSL and chick-fil-a every now and then.

I'm going to do the best job I can do, and part of that is refusing to compare myself to other people. And for now, I think that is enough.