Postpartum Jean Shopping: A Horror Story.

Before I got pregnant, I was in the best shape I'd ever been in. I'd finally gotten into a routine where I enjoyed working out every day, and my body was definitely reflecting that. When I found out Jack was on the way, I thought, "Great! I'll be one of those people who works out through their entire pregnancy!" 

Yeah, that didn't happen. Instead I got, "I'll be one of those people who throws up every day throughout their whole pregnancy!" Super fun.

But even if I had been able to work out, growing AN ENTIRE HUMAN wreaks some havoc on your body. And by havoc I mean it grows insanely fast and stretches and shifts everything. So that's fun. 

Regardless, two weeks ago, I was feeling pretty good-a side effect of no longer having a human living inside of you-and had gone for a long walk, which to me, was the equivalent of running a marathon compared to my physical activity for the last ten months. So I did what any sane person would do and decided to pull out all of my pre-pregnancy clothes that were packed away and try them on. 

 

Long story (And by long I mean me spending entirely too long staring affectionally at all the crop tops and shorts I bought literally three weeks before I found out I was pregnant) short, it was obvious that no jeans I owned were going to fit for a long time. 

I wanted to find a cheap pair of jeans to be my "in-between" jeans (in between now and what is yet to be determined, stay tuned), so I did what anyone would do-I went to Target. 

Small side note-Jack has probably been to Target more than anywhere else in his short life. I think this means I am doing motherhood right.

We get to Target and I grab the size up from what I normally wear. I think to myself, my body hasn't changed thaaaat much. 

But then I hold the jeans up, and notice how tiny they look....like, the size of one of my legs, tiny. So I look around and then grab one more size up. Just in case. And then one more. Can't hurt. 

I then ventured into the fitting room, with its unflattering light and 360 degree mirrors (WHY). Instead of starting with the biggest ones, I decide to try on the smallest jeans. 

Turns out, I was wrong! They weren't the size of one of my legs. In fact, they fit my legs just fine! 

...up to my kneecaps. 

Okay, so, Target's jeans have gotten smaller! It's been awhile since I even tried any on. It happens. The next size up it is!

Buuuuuut it's actually not, because those are tiny too. 

So then it's just me and the biggest size jeans I brought in there. I stared at them, maybe cursed at them a little bit, and then left them on the floor. Because when I held them up, I was preeeeettttty sure they were not even a little bit bigger than the other two pairs I tried on. 

So I threw them left them in a nice little pile on the floor and told Chris I was ready to go. To which his response was, "try some more on!" And when I told him none of them fit, he said, I kid you not, "Just try a bigger size. There has to be a size here big enough to fit you."

...

.....

.......

...........

Upon hearing what his brain had accidentally let him say, he quickly rephrased his response to, "Do you want to go get a drink?"

That's better. 

Moral of the story: Leggings forever. 

PS: This is all in good fun. While I do think Target's jeans are incredibly tiny, I am not delusional and do in fact know that my body made an entire human six weeks ago. The fact that the jeans did not fit is understandable. 

PSS: I found some that fit at Banana Republic. In case you need some, too.