Baby Jack: A Birth Story (The End).

We left off with me riding the epidural high-those magic pain-free moments after hours of pain. Magic, I tell you. 
My parents came by and my dad remarked that it was so nice to see me so calm and relaxed. I think what me meant was knowing you, I'm shocked that you're not a terrified bundle of anxiety right now, and he was right.
I don't know how to explain it, but the night before Jack was born will forever be one of my favorite nights. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that it was nighttime, so everything was just more quiet and peaceful. The lights were softer and there wasn't so much noise. 
It really felt like the night before Christmas, or a big vacation. Christopher and me just hanging out, dozing for twenty-minute stretches every now and then, watching house hunters (the only channel that would come through haha), eating way too many popsicles, and browsing the humor section of pinterest. 

Around 3:15AM I woke up to a popping sound. I threw a pillow at Chris to wake him up and told him I thought my water had broke. He told me it had (perks of being married to a doctor!). 

I fell asleep, and woke up to the nurse telling me she wanted to try a practice push to see how my body was reacting to the epidural. I did what she told me, she screamed at me to stop, and ran and got the doctor. Within minutes the room was full of lights and nurses and my favorite doctor. I figured that meant something was about to happen, so I texted my mom, "Wakey wakey, we're having a baby!"

This is the part where you all get to hate me. 

I looked back later at what time I sent the text. I texted her at 5:35. 

Jack was born at 5:58. 

The first time I held my little bub.

I shouted, "He's so tiny!" When the doctor was handing him to me, and the doctor laughed and said, "No he's not!" But he was just the tiniest little babe I'd ever seen up close, and it was insane to me that his itsy-bitsy arms and legs could already move. 

When he was placed in my arms, I felt a rush of emotions, but they were different than the ones I expected the feel. It was less of an, "I suddenly love you" and more of an, "I'm so happy you're finally here, I've always loved you, you've always been a part of my life and I'm just so glad we're together now." I felt relieved, like we'd been waiting for this moment for much longer than 40 weeks. I felt pride and love and just a downright connection rise up in me and overflow from my heart, and it was perfect. 

It's such a strange experience. One second, this baby is an unseen, unheard face inside of you, and the very next second, it's a moving, crying actual part of this world. It's the strangest feeling.

Our first photo as a family of three. Chris is beaming, I am fading, and Jack is pretty mad about the whole being born thing. 

I'll spare you details, but there's no sugarcoating it: Birth sucks. An epidural wearing off sucks. Recovery sucks. But there are absolutely no words to describe the magic of waking up as a family of two one day and starting the next day as a family of three. There aren't words to adequately explain the feeling of holding something that is half of you and half of the person you love most in this world. 

When it was time to come go home, it felt like we were doing something wrong. Like, surely they weren't about to let us leave the hospital with an actual baby. Surely someone was going to stop us and say, "Yes, but can you really take care of him?"

But they did let us leave, and we went out into the real world to start our life as a perfect little family. And while I still feel pretty clueless, it's been six months, and we're still going strong.

This looks like he's crying, but he's really not. He still sleeps like this, sucking his little bottom lip in. 

Home the first day, after the first shower that felt so magical, letting Gatsby get used to his little brother. 

And that is the story of how little Jack Isaiah Jacobs came into this world.

Twenty-Four Weeks With Jack: All of the Pictures.

Week twenty-one:

you suck your bottom lip in and it's the cutest // still the best snuggler around // teething is the pits // the happiest // your expressions crack me up // we bought you a bumbo seat and you absolutely hated it // on the other hand, you love your bouncer more and more every day // we take you everywhere and you just hang out with us at the table // important conversations happening
Week twenty-two:

silly faces // so very happy // these blurry family pictures are some of my favorite things in the world 

hanging out with your uncle // the sweetest little fox // discovering more and more every day // my new favorite picture with my guys

you really did wake up that cute // we're trying the teething wafers, but so far you just like to wave them around and throw them // you love to get out of your stroller and be a part of whatever we're doing // your little hand thrown across your eyes made me laugh // I think baby hats are the cutest thing // those little fat rolls are just adorable 
Week twenty-three: 

this is what happens when we try to get your handprint // you love to have your head rubbed // just talking over some chips and margs // we got you a little cell phone // if we sit you up, you can hold yourself there // just relaxing outside of Cracker Barrel // snuggles in your wild things pjs // the sweetest sleeper // we got you a baby pool for the backyard so you can be a naked little florida baby sometimes 

you love pools days // you're the funniest little guy // naps with Gatsby // you are just. so. happy. every time I go to get you from your crib
Week twenty-four:

you have started recognizing Gatsby and you absolutely love him. you just laugh and laugh at him.

my sweets // you were so happy to see him when he got home from his first day of work! // the happiest // you weren't too sure about this family photo

just hanging out and being sassy while I get ready // walks around the neighborhood are just too hot for clothes // still loving your baby wrap // the sweetest munchkin // you love hanging out outside with us // bedtime smiles 

You are more and more fun every day, little man. Love you always. 

Letters to Jack: 5 Months.

Sweet little bub, 
The bigger you get, the more fun we have. You're growing into your own little personality, and it's so much fun to see what makes you laugh. You love to be a part of everything that's going on around you, love to go swimming, and, most recently, you loooove you some veggie tales. 

This month has been a full one! Lots of big things have happened, and it has been so much fun having you be a part of them. I never imagined you as a part of this season of my life, but now I can't even imagine life without you. The med-school graduation was so much more meaningful having you there, and buying a house and moving was so much more fun knowing that you were going to live there. 

This house is the best. It's the house you'll do a lot of growing up in. I can just imagine the fun you'll have in the backyard, the days you'll beg me to take you swimming at the pool, the way you'll learn to ride your bike on the sidewalk in front of our house. Our first house, so perfect for our little family. 
* * *
I hate that this is a part of your life, but it was a heartbreaking weekend in the city you were born in. I spent a lot of hours wondering how to best shield you from evil, wondering how to protect you, wondering how to keep you from learning that sometimes there is terror in the world. And in short, I can't. And that's really, really hard to think about.
But I can do my best to make your life the best, most fun it can be, because life is short. 
And I can do my best to teach you to love everyone, because you should. 
And I will do my absolute best to show you that if you look really closely, even in tragedy, you can find some good. You can find people helping people, loving people, no matter what.  Because they're there. 

I will teach you to be one of those people, a helper, a bright spot. 
For now, you are the brightest spot in my life. I love you forever, little munchkin. 

Letters to Jack: 4 Months.

Jack, 
Today is a big deal for me. It marks one year since I found out you were going to be making your way into the world. We can easily call this the most life-changing year for me. 
When I found out about you (after spending $98 dollars on pregnancy tests just to be sure), I was so nervous and scared...I was worried that I wasn't ready, that I wouldn't know how to take care of you. I didn't know how you would fit into the life we had planned. 
Spoiler alert: You fit perfectly. 
A year ago, I woke up and drank coffee and watched Netflix, with zero ideas about how life was changing. Today, I woke up and fed you and snuggled you back to sleep. We're on vacation-see, all of my worries about fun things in life being over were just stupid-and we'll spend the day shopping and playing in the sun and swinging and admiring your sweet little baby giggles that you've been giving out more and more frequently. 

But for now, you're snuggled in next to me, wearing footie pajamas that have dinosaurs on your feet...the feet that you will spend all day trying to put in your mouth. You're sleeping, so peacefully, and you still smell like lavender from your nighttime lotion. Here I am, 365 days later, drinking my coffee in bed again, and here you are, much different than you were a year ago, but still the same little love. 
You have changed every single aspect of my life. So I guess I just wanted to say thank you for that. 
Happy one year of hanging out together, little man. You are everything I never knew I wanted, and I will love you for all of my forever.
xo. 

Letters to Jack: 3 Months.

Jack,

On Thursday, you turned three months old on the same day that I turned 24 years old. I just wanted to let you know that you are, hands down, the greatest thing that happened to my life this year. I continue to be amazed at how much I can love something that's only been here for such a short time, but it's crazy amounts of love. You are the best. The very, very best.

This month was so much fun. It was your first Easter, and even though you won't remember (and were extremely uninterested) we made you an easter basket. We had pool days and road trips. We dedicated you at our church back home. You got to meet my family. You experienced Match Day and we found out you get to stay a Florida baby.

One of the things I was most worried about before having you was how much my life would change. It sounds so selfish now, but I was worried that my life would be unrecognizable, that I would be flailing around and feeling lost. That could not be further from the truth. 

On one hand, life hasn't changed. You slipped right into it like you've just always belonged. And the parts that have changed have been the best changes. When I woke up on my birthday, I couldn't wait for you to wake up. I couldn't wait to snuggle with you on the couch on my first birthday with you. 

So yeah, I guess my life did change quite a bit when you made an appearance. It became so much more fun and full and perfect. These last three months have truly been better than anything I thought they would be. 

Love you and your sweet little smile forever, little munchkin. 

Twelve weeks with jack: All of the pictures (weeks 9 & 10)

Week nine:

so stylish in your fancy pool outfit // we spent the week leading up to match day at the pool, and you loved hanging out with us...you did not love getting your feet wet // my new favorite outfit of yours. I now try my best to buy hoodies with animal ears on them whenever possible // just playing games with us!

the happiest baby there ever was...

...and the silliest. You discovered you tongue this week, and think it's so funny to stick it out. 

the sleepiest, snuggliest guy...who sometimes just likes to sit up in the chair like the rest of us. 

Week ten: 

always, always smiling.

and always, always making us laugh.

the sweetest big eyes // you love being swaddled with your arms out so you can wave them around // you found out this week you're going to be a little Florida baby, so we dressed you in gator gear all week // just sitting up in a chair with your little bear hoodie on!

the sleepiest little guy.

match day was so, so special with you there!

and you face timed with Uncle Dylan, which you apparently thought was hilarious. 

These were two of the best weeks of my entire life. Who knew there could be so much happiness in such a little body. Love you forever, baby jack. 

Baby Jack: A Birth Story. (Part Two)

Continuing the story of baby Jack and how he came into this world. Part one here.

We left off with the grumpy nurse, but unfortunately, that is not where she leaves my story. She took us back to a triage room, hooked me up to a monitor and, within ten minutes, told me I was going home. Even though my contractions were only 3 minutes apart at this point, they were only lasting about 40 seconds, and she said I was only dilated to a 2-the same I had been at my doctor's appointment.

The doctor had to see me before I could be sent home, though, and he was in a c-section, so she left me in the triage room, hooked up to the monitors. For two hours. Where I still had contractions every. three. minutes.

Now seems like a good time to address the issue of contractions. Everything I read said, "You can't really explain what they feel like!" Which I found incredibly frustrating, because I feel like if so many women experience this, someone should be able to explain them. And then I spent the day having contractions, so here I am to explain them to you.

It feels like you are slowly dying from the inside out. And that is all I can say. Because now I realize that the reason no one can explain them is because there is literally nothing else to compare them to.

I spent those two hours alternating squeezing Christopher's hand and whining and saying "I cannot do this" and trying to make it through clips of my favorite episodes of The Office.  Then this magical moment happened where I heard my doctor's voice coming down the hall, and I literally began crying out of sheer happiness before he even came in the room. Long (and gruesome) story short, he told the nurse she was wrong and that I was ready to be admitted and have an epidural.

Now, I know that there is a lot of back and forth about whether or not epidurals are safe/worth it/the right decision, so I will now lay out the pros and cons of getting an epidural and also the specific steps of my birth plan.

PROS: Literally everything. 
CONS: Nothing. 
BIRTH PLAN: Get an epidural. As soon as possible. 

I can only imagine the emails I will from you guys about this, but bring it on. I'm so happy with that decision. I will also say that even if I had spent my entire pregnancy thinking that I wanted to have a natural birth with no medicine, the pain I was in while I waited on the doctor would have been more than enough to change my mind. 

The two sweetest nurses came by to get me ready to be admitted, and Chris asked them if I could eat something since I hadn't eaten all day. They went and asked and came back and said "We have a good news/bad news situation. You can eat, but if you do, you can't get an epidural." And that is the story of how my 2 day diet came to be. 

I got admitted at about 6:00PM, and the guy who was going to give me the epidural was in the room waiting for me-cue tears of sheer happiness round two. I made sure to NOT look at the little cart he was pushing around...I knew what those needles looked like, and I did not need to see the one that was about the be shoved in my back.

My nurse who would be with me the rest of the night (her name was Marci and she was the best ever) came and stood in front of me with her arms out. She explained that sometimes when people get an epidural, the pain surprises them so they jump off the bed. Casual. I prepared myself to feel a bunch of pain and not jump off the bed...anddddd I didn't feel a single thing. I thought he was still taping off the area once it was done.

We've already established that I was pretty clueless about this whole having a baby thing, but one of the many things I was wrong about was that I thought it took at least an hour for the epidural to kick in-wrong. I was hooked up to a monitor and the guy asked me "Is it working yet?" I said, "I have no idea." The nurse gestured to the screen and told me I was in the middle of a monster contraction.

I. Felt. Nothing.

And thus began one of the most amazing nights of my entire life.

To be continued (again)...

Eight Weeks With Jack: Weeks 7 & 8.

Week Seven:

We took you to the beach...you hated the sand. And the water. And pretty much the beach in general. 

You're the cutest sleeping baby. So peaceful.

You're smiles are more and more frequent, and I just can't get enough of them.

You continue to be the silliest little dude. It's so much fun. 

I was finally able to track down a little bathing suit small enough to fit you!

You noticed your mobile for the first time, and watched it spin for at least 30 minutes, content as could be!

Week Eight:

You love to be outside. We started taking you either to the pool or on a walk almost every day, because you love it!

You love anywhere we take you. To the park, to the lake, to the food truck festival...you just want to hang out!

You're getting bigger, but you're still the sleepiest, snuggliest little babe. 

You become more and more aware every day. You just want to be a part of whatever is going on!

And, of course, you're still the silliest. 

Love you always, my little man. Thanks for the best 8 weeks ever.