I was watching a movie with Chris last Friday night, and he paused it so he could finish dinner. I picked up my phone and was alarmed by the onslaught of pictures of the Eiffel Tower and the hashtag, #prayforparis. Over the next few hours, I watched as a horrific, heartbreaking story developed.
My heart broke for the people whose lives were torn apart on a seemingly normal Friday night, and when I woke up the next morning, my heart broke for the baby I'm carrying inside of me. I sat on the couch watching the sun come up, and wondered why I thought that bringing a baby into this world--a world clearly so awful and evil--was okay.
It sounds dramatic, I know. But the thought of my baby having to grow up in a world where things like this honestly aren't shocking just really rocked me to my core. Because when he comes out in a few weeks, I won't be able to protect him from evil like this. I won't be able to shield him from the fact that there are awful people in the world, and that sometimes the world can be a terrible place.
But as I sat there, snuggling Gatsby and waiting on Chris to wake up so we could spend the day at Universal, I thought about how Jack being born into this world also meant that he would get to one day experience sunrises and lazy Saturdays.
He'll get to experience the wonder of waking up to presents left by Santa. He'll get to learn to read books. He'll get to play in the mud with his grandpa and read books with his grandma. He'll have my best friend as his cool uncle to bail him out of trouble every now and then. He'll get to go to school and make friends. He'll get to come home to parents who love him.
He'll get to experience the thrill of the first time he asks a girl on a date. He'll get to fall in love, and go on a journey to meeting someone he wants to spend his whole life with. He'll get to discover his passions.
He'll get to discover how good chocolate tastes. He'll make memories on his summer breaks from high school that he won't know are some of his most treasured possessions until years later. He'll get to feel the rush of going to his first party. He'll sit around bonfires on the beach, he'll go to concerts, he'll discover what his favorite beer is. He'll meet his favorite people, discover his tribe, and change the world.
And he'll get to do all of this because sometimes, the world is a beautiful place.
So yes, it breaks my heart to think that one day, he'll have to learn how real evil is in this world. But he'll also get to learn how beautiful the world can be. And I think that is the best thing I can ask for.
