Lifelong Resolutions We Should All Have.

As of tomorrow, the first month of 2019 will come to an end. I hope it has been SO good to you. I hope you've stayed on track with any resolutions you've had. If, like me, you decided this year was less about resolutions and more about just living, I hope you've survived AND thrived. But if you haven't, and you've failed on all fronts, IT. IS. OKAY. 

January does not dictate your whole year. 2019 has plenty more days to be so good for you. You've got hundreds of chances left to be a champion. You've got this. 

Also, a personal opinion: Lifelong resolutions are way better than yearly resolutions. Here are a few I think we should all have: 

Show more kindness. || It takes SO LITTLE to be kind. It makes such a big difference - both to you and to those you're showing kindness to. 

Stop assuming others' motives. || If you're an anxious person, listen to me: Stop assuming the motives of other people. Stop assigning reasons to why they didn't text you back. Stop saddling them with opinions they've never told you being the reason they couldn't meet you for coffee. Stop assuming that the actions of others are motivated by you. If you are anything like me, this is so hard. But it's worth trying! 

Try to see others' points of view. || I'm gonna be open here: This is new for me. I hate confrontation, so when I have a complete opposite point of view as someone else, I tend to just not talk about it. Why rock the boat, you know? But that's dumb. Even if you disagree on deep things, it helps to put yourself in others' shoes and try to see where they're coming from and why they may feel that way. It doesn't mean you're changing your views, it means you're being a more empathetic human being. 

Drink more water. || Just do it. It fixes basically everything. 

Love hard. || Love is the most beautiful thing we have. But love can also hurt. Romantic love, friend love, family love...loving hard and full opens yourself up in a way that leaves you vulnerable. It brings your heart to the surface where it is more easily injured. And after a few of those injuries-be it from a romantic partner or a friendship ending or a family tragedy-the instinct to love from a distance, to love with arms crossed, to love only on a surface level can kick in. Don't give in. Life is short. Love hard. It hurts sometimes, but the good outweighs the bad, I promise. 

Live abundantly. || I've been thinking so much about this. There's a verse in the Bible that says Jesus came so that we would have not only life, but abundant life. Even if we have different faiths, I think abundant life is something we should all strive for. What fills you up? What is it that, when you do it, you think, "this! this is what it's about!" What makes your life feel the most abundant? More of that.

Stop breaking promises to yourself. || Look, I don't mean the way that on Friday, you swore you'd clean out the laundry room over the weekend, but then you got sucked in to a really good book and read all weekend instead. I'm talking about promises like, I will take better care of myself. I will stand up for myself. I will stop letting people walk all over me. I will make time for the things I love. Those promises. They're important, don't break them. 

Make room for the things you love. || I like to think of this in terms of weekends. If you've worked all week, what's your ideal weekend? Time with your people? Time alone? Projects? Books? Movies? Parties? We don't all have weekends off, but we do all get little pockets of time here and there that we get to choose how to fill. Whatever your "weekends" are, how to you want to fill those?

What's a lifelong resolution you have?

 

Spending 2019.

At the beginning of every month, I write a post with ideas of how to spend the days in that month. I started doing it a few years ago out of a desire to experience more joy in the day-to-day, not just in the planned ahead trips and adventures. 
Ready or not, 2019 graced us with her presence last week, and this was the first year in a long time that I didn't feel the urge to sit down and make a long list of resolutions. The reason for that is two-fold: One, the end of 2018 felt like it almost killed me, and two, the year as a whole shaped me into a person I'm actually pretty proud of. Why would I want to make a list of changes I hope to make to her disguised as goals? 
I have specific things I hope to accomplish this year, of course. But they all tie back to the same goal: I want to spend this year. 
I want to spend my talents, not just sit around and hope that someday I get the chance to. 
I want to spend the opportunities that come my way. 
I want to spend my time. I don't want to be so caught up in things I have to do or should be doing that my time rushes past me without me getting to choose how to spend it. 
Whether you're setting goals this year or not, I hope you decide that 2019 will be a year you spend. What an incredible thing a new year is. What a huge gift that, somehow, you made it through 2018. 2019 will be full of days with opportunities and hours and choices.
I hope you spend them all. 

More & Less: 2017 vs. 2018.

I love New Year's goals, but I always approach them differently. Sometimes I spend weeks thinking about them, sometimes I come up with a list on January 1st. Sometimes I'm extremely detailed, sometimes I just have a general idea of what I want. 
This year, I wasn't feeling like setting specific goals. Instead, I wanted to look back at the last year. I wanted to try my best to pinpoint when I felt my happiest and when I didn't feel much happiness. The things I did that made me feel my best, I want more of those. The things that caused me to feel less than great, I want less of those. 
So that's my take on 2018. More & Less. 
M O R E
Yoga. Looking at 2017, every time I got into the habit of doing yoga, I felt better. Physically and mentally. So this one is a no-brainer. 
Passion. I touched on this here. I don't want to just make it through my days. I want to feel passionate about things. 
Travel. I got to travel a lot last year, and it was amazing. Here's my take on that: For me (because I am responsible for another human), it takes a little bit of time to plan. But that's time I could have easily spent doing something like watching TV. It takes a little bit of money. But the money I spent on gas or plane tickets, I could have easily spent on eating out or buying new clothes I didn't need. Traveling always made me happier, always left me feeling refreshed. Those are things I want more of in 2018. 
Writing. Outside of blog posts, I didn't write too much in 2017. But the times I did (like here), it made me feel alive and passionate and excited. I need more of that this year. 
Reading. 2017 was a pretty slow reading year for me (Jack learned to walk this year, so my free time went down by about 24829%), but I read a lot the last week of December. It makes me happy, plain and simple. I want 2018 to be a happy year, so more books, please. 
Time outside. Beach days, boat days, pool days. These made me happy last year. I was made to be by the water, I think. Another thing I did last year was take Jack for a walk (that I slowly tried to turn into a run) every morning. The days I got moving and got fresh air always seemed to go better than the days that I didn't. So more of that. 

L E S S
Assuming people's motives. I. Am. So. Bad. About. This. SO BAD. If someone doesn't respond to my text, I immediately assume they're mad at me. If someone says they're having a bad day, I immediately assume I did something that made them have a bad day. That's ridiculous, I know it's ridiculous, you know it's ridiculous. Yet I did a lot of that last year. This year, I want to assume the best, or at the very least, assume that if something is wrong, someone will tell me, I don't have to make it up in my head.
Planning ahead. This is a weird thing to set a goal of doing less of, I know. But the phase of life I'm in, it's nearly impossible to plan ahead. And the times I did try to plan ahead last year often left me feeling stressed or disappointed, and I want less of that. So I want to embrace this season of spontaneity and not worry so much about plans. 
Doing things I don't want to do simply because I feel like I have to. Plain and simple. Life is too short for this.
Guilt. At the beginning of the fall, I had one of the best weekends of my life visiting my best friend and going to see our favorite band live. It was absolutely amazing. The following week, someone who reads my blog sent me a long and detailed email about how I would look back and deeply regret that weekend (and any other travels I did over the next 16 years) because I chose to spend it away from Jack. I knew that weekend left me feeling happy and refreshed. I knew I needed it. I knew that 95% of the time, I spend 24 hours a day with Jack. But I still let that email from a perfect stranger make me feel so guilty. And it's impossible to feel guilt and joy at the same time. This year, I choose joy. 
Negativity. I am an extremely positive person by nature, but 2017 tested that. Looking back, the times I gave in and was just negative in my thoughts and words, it didn't help anything. In fact, it made me feel worse. I want less of that for sure. 
This isn't a comprehensive list by any means. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's just the beginning for me and my year. But I really like the idea of approaching a year by knowing what I want more of and what I want less of. It helps me see what I should say no to and what deserves a yes. It helps me know what I should spend my time on. 
What do you want more and less of this year?

8 Goals Everyone Should Have.

1. Complain less. Complaining usually doesn't help much, if at all. What it does do is bring you down, along with anyone who happens to be listening to you. Hanging out with people who complain all the time is exhausting. Also, being someone who complains all the time has to be exhausting. So do yourself and everyone around you a favor and start veering your comments to a more positive side.

2. Drink more water. What drinking more water does to your body is seriously magical. Your skin gets better, you have less headaches, you have more energy, you feel overall better...just by drinking water. There's no reason not to do this. Buy a cute tumbler and keep it filled all day!

3. Compliment others. Compliments are so easy. They are free, quick ways to make someone's day so much better. If you like the color of someone's shirt, say so. If someone went out of their way to help you, mention it. Throw compliments around freely.

4. Practice being thankful. Complaining makes your day worse. Want to know what makes it better? Being thankful. For big things, little things, in-between things.

5. Get rid of what you don't use. I tend to form sentimental bonds with everything that I own...until said things are taking over my apartment. Listen: Throw stuff away. If you don't use it anymore, toss it. If you don't wear it anymore, give it away. Life is about experiences, not things.

6. Learn how to survive without takeout. I could easily eat Chick-Fil-A for every single meal and be a very happy person. But do you know who's not happy with that arrangement? My wallet. Also, my waistline. Everyone should know how to cook a meal or two at home. It's cheaper, healthier, and you can do so in your pajamas. So, we're looking at a win/win/win here.

7. Enjoy reading. Not everyone loves reading fiction, or even books in general. I get it. I don't understand it, but hey. Just because you don't like reading books doesn't mean you should swear off reading. Reading is a great way to learn--both really cool things and also completely unnecessary, but fun, things. There's plenty you can read without ever cracking open a book--magazines, articles, newspapers. Fill your brain with some good words.

8. Think before you speak speak, write, text, post, tweet...etc. I have a favorite quote when it comes to speaking out on controversial matters:

Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me? 
Does this need to be said by me right now?

If you actually think about those things before saying whatever you wanted to say, chances are you'd regret a lot less.

What goals do you think everyone should have?

Happy February!

We're officially one full month into two-thousand and thirteen.  Am I the only one who feels like this is crazy?!

We were on our honeymoon on January 1st, so I didn't do my usual planning, dreaming, and goal outlining that normally accompanies the first day of a new year.  However, as much as I love list making and journaling and all that goes along with making new year resolutions, there was no way I could let that pass me by.  While the beginning of the year certainly is not the only time to make changes or set goals, it definitely has a feeling of newness and motivation that can be hard to come by, so I didn't want to miss out.

While I love resolutions, for me they have the tendency to fall apart a few weeks after I make them, leaving me feeling guilty rather than actually accomplishing anything.  I tend to start out trying to make a few resolutions and end up trying to revamp my whole entire life, which inevitably ends in failure.  This year, I decided to make a list of aspirations rather than resolutions.  I sat down with my journal and a cup of coffee and asked--how do I want to live in 2013?  I came up with a list of aspirations for myself.  A list of what I am aspiring to do, the person I am aspiring to be.  Here's what I came up with:

WRITE.
write more.  blog.  actually finish projects.  research writing.  read about writing.  write about writing.  write everyday.  write when I feel like it, and even more importantly, write when I don't feel like it.  chase after my writing dreams like I have no reason not to.  because really, I don't.

LIVE.
live each day to the fullest.  adventure daily.  really, truly experience life. squeeze every single day for all that it is worth.

LOVE.
let every single thing I do be completely saturated in love.

BE ORGANIZED.
I love organization.  I love planners.  I love lists.  and somehow, regardless of all these things, I am completely and utterly unorganized in many areas of my life.  this year, I will try to be better.  I will prioritize and plan.

BE THE BEST WIFE.
I want my husband to feel like the luckiest guy in the world every time he thinks of me.

CREATE.
dream.  make.  craft.  write.  blog.  live each day full of creativity, and create things that make me happy.


BE MYSELF.
be one hundred percent me, one hundred percent of the time.  be exactly who I want to be.  I am enough.

BECOME A BETTER ME. 

don't strive to change myself, but rather to better the self that I already am.  be healthier, both physically and spiritually. 

Eight little things that define how I want to live in 2013.  I've made them pretty and put them where I can see them everyday so that I will constantly be reminded of what I want to get out of this year.  

What about you?  What aspirations or goals have you set for yourself in 2013?

"The only person you should try to be better than, 

is the person you were yesterday."

xo, 

chelsea