An August Coffee Date.

...I'd tell you that I just had to spellcheck the word "August" because I stared at it for too long and it didn't look right. So, there's that. Fill up my coffee cup, please. 
...I'd tell you that I just spend two days on the lake with my favorite people. We drove way too far for way too short of a time, and it was glorious. Sometimes irrational decisions are the best ones. Time in the sunshine with people I love is my love language. Being on a boat in the sun is also my love language.  
...I'd tell you that I've been struggling with and also finding beauty in the idea of heavy and light, happy and sad. How they can coexist. How good things happen in the midst of heartbreak. How I can wake up to news of two mass shootings and feel my heart breaking over that and then go on and have the most fun day with my family. How this year has had heaps of devastation but also some of the most beautiful days I've ever had. It's hard to reconcile the two, you know? 
...I'd tell you that I've got a website overhaul in the works and I am so excited about it.  I set some big blog goals in June and have been chasing after them hard. BIG things in store, and I cannot wait to share it all!

...I'd tell you that I'm returning my library books today, which means it's time to request new books! I'd ask you what the best book you've read lately is so I can put in on my list. 
Your turn - what's going on with you?!

A Real Time Coffee Date.

For the first time maybe ever, I'm writing this in real time as I'm drinking my coffee, so it's like we really are having a real-life coffee date. And don't worry, if you're reading it this afternoon, I'm probably also drinking coffee then, too. 
First things first, if we were having coffee, you'd see that my first sip this morning completely skipped my mouth and went straight down the front of my shirt. My white shirt. It's fine. Everything is fine. 
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that I'm now a Beautycounter affiliate. The number one question I get on here and instagram is what kind of makeup do I use and how do I make my skin look glowy (I mean, y'all know how to make a girl feel good). I'm constantly recommending it, and I'll be honest: Something clicked in my brain. I make money off my Amazon recommendations, why the HECK am I not making money off my makeup recommendations? PS: This and this is what I use to get the glow. 
I'd tell you that today is the eleventh day in a row I've exercised. I have never in my entire life worked out on the weekends, but I made a commitment to do 30 minutes a day for 30 days, even if it was something simple like going for a walk. A third of the way done, and I feel so good.

I'd tell you that Jack is learning about pirates at school, and this is what he looked like when I picked him up yesterday. My heart is STILL exploding. 
I'd tell you that I've been thinking so much about cheering each other on. About how important it is, but also about how EASY it is. My girl Kait is KILLING it with getting her work published all over. Do you know how long it takes to retweet those things so more people can see? Two seconds. My friends Christine and Lindsay started a podcast a few weeks ago, and it took me all of 30 seconds to subscribe and rate it, which helps bump them up in the charts. My best friend Kristen is a BOMB photographer, and it takes the smallest second of my day to fangirl her in the comment section when she posts a new picture on her business account. 
See where I'm going with this? It's so easy, it's free, and it means the whole wide world to your friends. More building each other up! 
Your turn! What's going on with you? And more importantly - did you spill your coffee this morning?

A Little Friday Coffee Date.

my new favorite top

Well, first of all, if we were having a real life coffee date right now, it would mean you were also on a plane to Texas. Which would be a little weird, but that's neither here nor there. Also, we would absolutely not be drinking airplane coffee. I had a bad experience when I was pregnant, and I can't even look at airplane coffee anymore without my stomach turning. If I want to drink coffee on the plane, I've got to get it from Starbucks before I board. Weird, the things that stick with you, isn't it? 
Anyway, I'd tell you all about my trip and how it's the brightest spot after a really sad couple of weeks. I'd tell you that I desperately want to fix everything for everyone I love. I want to take away every single bit of pain that a devastating loss caused. I can't. We know that. But I can say hey, let's go eat tacos in Texas together. So that's what we're doing. 
I'd tell you that I'm most excited for, in no particular order: Tacos (obvs), thrifting in a new state, and seeing one of my favorite bands live. The thought of dancing to some of my favorite songs in a BBQ venue in Texas with some of my favorite people could make me burst into tears of joy. 
I'd tell you that we left for the airport at 3:00 this morning, so I'm not even sure what I need right now...more coffee? A cheeseburger? A Tylenol PM? One of each? Help. 
I'd tell you all about The Red Closet Shop. My best friend discovered them a few weeks ago on instagram and my life will never be the same. Their clothes are SO stinking cute and fun and I will basically be head to toe Red Closet Shop for my entire trip. If you want to see the things I ordered, check out my "try on" highlight on instagram!
I'd tell you that I'm finally seeing an liiiiiittle bit of progress on a goal I've been working on seemingly forever: Caring less about what people think. Slowly but surely I'm getting better at worrying more about how I feel about me and less about what others might possibly be feeling about me. Baby steps, but it feels really freaking good. 
Your turn! What's going on with you? 
I hope you have the best weekend ever!

A Mid-May Coffee Date.

Good morning! It's early, Jack is still asleep, and I'm actually writing this while drinking my coffee, so it really is like a coffee date! 
If we were having coffee together (which might be a little awkward this morning, since I'm in bed in my pajamas, but that's neither here nor there), I'd tell you. . .
...That I'm on vacation starting TODAY! It has been a longgggg few months and this could not have come at a better time. I'm so excited to just sit on the beach and watch Jack have the time of his life digging holes in the sand. Oh, to be so easily entertained.
...That Jack had his first "performance" this weekend and I AM NOT OKAY. We were all in agreement that we thought he wouldn't even stand up there with the kids, BUT HE KILLED IT. My heart is forever melted. 
...That Target's current Sugarfix collection is speaking directly to my heart. I mean, LOOK AT IT. Do these earrings not scream that they were made for me?!

...That my best friend sent me a little Mother's Day gift and it meant the world to me. Just a "happy day, I'm thinking of you!" It took her about 30 seconds to type my address into Amazon, but it made my week a billion times brighter. It really reminded me of how easy it is to love on those closest to us. I want to do more of this. 
...That yesterday was my fourth Mother's Day, and while it's just a day on the calendar, it always makes me stop and think about what a privilege it is to have Jack. I will forever be thankful that life didn't go according to my plan. To get to help him become the best human he can be will forever be the greatest honor of my whole life. 
...That entirely too many (is there such a thing, though?) of my library holds came through all at once, just in time for vacation. So if you need me, me and my 87 books will be laying on a beach. 
Your turn! What's going on with you?! 
Have the BEST week ever! 

Birthday Coffee Date!

via MHN
YOU GUYS. I turn 27 tomorrow! That feels weird. To quote my queen Taylor Swift, "part of me still feels 18 and part of me feels 283."
Of course, I am all sorts of introspective and day-dreamy about a new year of life. I'd love to sit down with you and have coffee and chat all about it. And if we were to do that, I'd tell you...
...I am more excited for this year of my life than any other year so far. I feel like there are incredible things on the horizon. I feel strong and ready and full of motivation. It's been a long time since I've felt like this, and it makes me so happy. 
...I'd tell you all I ever want for my birthday is new clothes. I want to shop and eat delicious food and lay in the sun. A few trips this week took care of the shopping part, and I got the cutest stuff. I also got an outfit that is way out of my comfort zone, but also feels 100000% me (does that make any sense?) and I'm kind of obsessed with it.  pants (so comfy!), top
...That 26 brought the best days and the worst days of my life. That it was broken and it was beautiful. That I feel like I'm more myself than I've ever been, but that every single bit of that was hard fought for this year. 
...That I'm treating 27 as a fresh start for nearly everything in my life. How beautiful of a gift that as I'm craving that, I get to start a new year. I'm counting myself lucky and taking advantage of my own personal new year.  I hope you have the best weekend ever! Eat some cake or sushi for me - calories don't count on your birthday, and I feel like that can definitely just extend to you. And to get just a little bit sappy...thanks for sticking through this year with me. Love you, mean it. xo

Coffee Date: Four Cups In.

I would just like you to know that, in the spirit of authenticity, I just poured myself my fourth cup of coffee while writing this. So we really are having a coffee date. 
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you...
...I got new bedding and it has changed my LIFEEE. Maybe a little dramatic, but it's so cozy and comfortable and makes me happy whenever I look at it, which feels life changing. I got this duvet on Amazon (which totally looks like something you'd buy at Anthropology, except it was only $70 instead of $700) and then found sheets and pillows at Home Goods. I'm obsessed. 
...I'm falling more and more in love with Poshmark. I'm having so much fun thrifting and hunting for the things I think will sell best, and I'm SUPER having fun making extra money (I mean, not real fun, more like adult fun, AKA I'm paying off my credit card. FUN!)
...The warm weather is back and it is glorious. A little sunshine on my skin does wonders for my mood.  ...Last week on Instagram, I asked for people to tell me the best book they've read recently. I added all the suggestions to my library wish list, no questions asked. So I currently have a bag full of books I know nothing about and I'm so dang excited to dig in. 
...I had the slowest Sunday morning and it was so refreshing. I did a hair mask, a face mask, a foot mask (mask QUEEN over here) and drank coffee and watched a church service online in my pajamas. Taking a morning to slow down, not rush around, and just do things for myself made me feel so full, and I'm definitely going to try to do more of that. 
Wishing you a Wednesday full of strong coffee and lots of joy. xoxo

February Coffee Date.

via

First things first, we'd be drinking this coffee. I will forever be indebted to Kait for telling me about this. Also, I tried it this week with a little bit of cinnamon sprinkled in, and holy delicious, batman. 
Anyway, while we were drinking this magical coffee, we'd chat about all the things, obviously. 
I'd tell you that we finally got a few sunny days here this week, and if you for one second think I didn't haul my entire life to the backyard to soak up every single bit of sun, you do not know me. 
I'd ask you if you did anything fun for the Super Bowl, and by that, I would clearly be asking if you ate anything delicious. I'd ask which commercial was your favorite, and tell you that I always love the Monday after the Super Bowl because of the "best of" commercial videos. 
I'd tell you I'm going to the Walker Hayes concert tonight! I'm SO excited. I adore him as a songwriter, and can't wait to see him live!
I would also tell you that, for whatever reason, I had a very specific idea of what I wanted to wear to the concert. I wanted to wear cutoffs (gotta show off this new tan while it lasts), a faded, vintage-looking barbie graphic tee (I have no idea why this was what was in my head), and white cowboy boots. I could picture it all and it looked like the perfect concert outfit. So naturally, I couldn't find it anywhere. I ended up getting these white booties (which are adorable and I know I'll wear them a ton), and a few graphic tees on Amazon. I love prime because 1) My options were delivered in 48 hours, and 2) I can send back the ones I didn't love. I ordered this one (funny + true), this one (yellow happiness, my fave), and this one (which makes me look way cooler than I am). I'm wearing the yellow one with cutoffs and the white booties tonight. It's not the Barbie one I envisioned, but she'll do. 
I would ask if you were following me on Facebook. After some brainstorming this week, I'm going to start doing a lot more over there (like some live coffee dates, maybe?). If you blog and have a facebook page, leave it in the comments so I can give you a follow...babes supporting babes, am I right? 
Happy Friday! Thanks for hanging out with me. Have the best weekend ever ever! 

Christmas Coffee Date.

Happy Monday! We're ONE week from Christmas Eve...are you in the stressed about this camp or the excited about this camp? Maybe a little bit of both? 
If you're anything like me, you and coffee are going to be BFFs this week. So it felt like an appropriate time for a little coffee date! 
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you...
That half of me is so jealous of people who have been done with their Christmas shopping for weeks now, but the other half of me loves getting out and shopping in the chaos of Christmas week. 
We went to Universal yesterday for Grinchmas and Jack ABSOLUTELY COULD. NOT. HANG. He was in my lap for the actual show, and he was not about it at all. When he started screaming "NIGHT NIGHT, MUSIC" I got up to take him out, but it just so happened to be during the quietest song of the show and the stairs just so happened to be metal and there was A LOT OF NOISE, OKAY? I will never again be able to hear Cindy Lou Who sing Where Are You, Christmas? Without thinking of all the noise I made trying to get out of there so everyone could enjoy the show. 
That I am a baby when it comes to cold weather. Florida has ruined me and I am not sorry. It is 44 degrees here at the moment and I AM NOT OKAY. While it is nice that it makes it feel more like Christmas, I'm not going to lie, I've been daydreaming about the days when the pool will be back in my life again. 
That I've been having the BEST luck with Amazon finds lately. Especially when it comes to sweaters! I have a few Amazon posts I can't wait to share after Christmas, because it just blows my mind that shopping is this easy now. Bless you, Amazon. 
Your turn! What's going on with you? Wishing you love and joy and peace and COFFEE this week!

November Coffee Date.

I always write, "If we were having coffee right now..." But, I am having coffee right now. And, I'm assuming that if you're sitting at your computer reading this, there's a 50/50 chance you are also having coffee right now. So basically, we really are having coffee together. Isn't the internet just so weird and also wonderful?
So, while we're having coffee, I'll tell you...
...The time change never fails to COMPLETELY  throw me off. Like, how is it possible that one tiny hour can change so much?! Yesterday it felt like it was time to go to bed by 4:30. And I did go to bed at 8:30, which felt like the middle of the night. I'll be confused about what time it is for a solid two weeks. Anybody else?
...That after declaring victory over that dang stomach flu, I got food poisoning this weekend. AKA, I cannot catch a break. I have thrown up more in the last month than any normal person should. I've decided that because of this, I will not be participating in any sickness in 2019. Thank you for understanding. 
...I'd update you on Poshmark. I'm still LOVING it. It's so much fun going hunting for good deals and trying to sell those. I've also started turning to Poshmark when I need to buy something, and I've got the best stuff off of there. For example, I love Lulu's, but I love Lulu's even more when I can get it well over half-off just because someone else wore it a few times before me, ya feel?
...That I made this bourbon walnut crusted brie on Halloween and it was DELICIOUS. My friend Kait sent me the recipe and I knew I had to make it. I took it to my friend's Halloween party and it was a hit. If you like brie, you neeeeeed to make it. I'm for real already looking for an excuse to make it again. 
...That I am BEYOND excited at the news that Looking For Alaska is going to be made into a mini-series. John Green is my favorite, his books are incredible, and I cannot wait to see this one come to life on Hulu. 
Your turn! What's going on with you? 

Pumpkin Spice Coffee Date.

Good morning! I'm back after a (much needed) week by the beach. When I hear people say they don't like the beach, I truly don't understand. Nothing makes me feel happier, more refreshed, and more at peace than a day by the ocean. 
One of my favorite things about blogging is that I can sit down and write a bunch of random things I want to share (but that have nothing to do with each other) and call it a coffee date. So let's get to it!
Anyway, back just in time for a hurricane to come barreling through. We should be totally fine here, but we've been under a state of emergency for two days, which is confusing. My best friend is a teacher and they've canceled school for the week, which is so weird when it's not even raining.  If you're in the path of the storm, know you're in my prayers.
Speaking of pumpkin spice coffee, I've made it through September and the first week and a half of October without touching pumpkin spice creamer. I knew this would be the real test on if I could stick with my non-sugar filled coffee, and hey, I'm passing!
Today's my mom's birthday, so yesterday I spent the day teaching Jack to tell her happy birthday. He woke up this morning, popped out of bed, and yelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GAGA! Like he knew it was today. So precious.
On the subject of Jack, we are f i n a l l y  at a place where I can wear earrings and he will not try to rip them out of my ears because he thinks they're pretty. Naturally, I celebrated this by buying ELEVEN pairs of obnoxious earrings last weekend. I know my priorities, okay? 
I currently have approximately 92 fiction books checked out from the library, but I need recommendations for non-fiction books to download on audible. I love listening to a book while I commute or do things around the house, but I can't listen to fiction books (and, you know, I've got 92 of those already). Have you read any good non-fiction lately? You know I love a good self-help book, so if you've got any recommendations, send them my way. 
Your turn - what's going on with you? Wishing you lots of coffee and no bad weather today, wherever you are. Have a beautiful Wednesday! xo

A Little September Coffee Date

Happy Monday! I woke up today feeling super motivated to get things done and make some progress on some goals I've been working on. What about you? Feeling inspired to do all the things, or feeling sluggish and already irritated at Monday? Either way, chug yourself some coffee and make it work! And while you're chugging that coffee, let's have a quick little coffee date and catch up. 
Speaking of coffee, I raided my TJ Maxx last week and found the most delicious coffees. Pumpkin spice (of course), pumpkin pie (somehow different than pumpkin spice), vanilla nut creme, and Vermont maple. My house smells like fall every time I make a pot of coffee and I love it so much. Fall flavors are just my favorite things. So much cozy in a cup!
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you how much I'm enjoying the RISE podcast. I love when people in prominent positions are interviewed and asked to give actionable advice that can really help everyone listening. Rachel Hollis interviews all sorts of big shots, but she breaks it down where you really feel like you're getting a one-on-one coaching session with them. The last one I listened to, she interviewed her literary agent. It was so good!
I'd also ask if you've heard of The Last 90 Days Challenge. It starts in October and is about ending the year strong. You commit to doing a couple of specific things to better yourself over the last 90 days of the year. I love the idea of that, because I feel like so many of us (me included) use the promise of an upcoming new year to let the end of the year kind of crumble goal-wise. I love the holidays so much, but I think I'd love them more if I went into them focused, healthy, and strong. 
I'd tell you how much I love this time of year. It's summer AND it's fall. It's pumpkin spice AND pool days. It's just this perfect slice of the year where my two favorite seasons combine, and it makes me so happy. 
Your turn! What's going on with you? Have the BEST day!   

Coffee Date: Rainy Summer Days Edition.

If we were having coffee...

...I'd tell you that Jack & I had a photo session with my sweet friend Kristen. I was so excited about it and for her to capture Jack at the stage he's at now, but we got there and he was NOT having it. He wouldn't smile, laugh, talk, dance, nothing. It was so unlike him and I was so bummed! BUT, she sent me over the pictures, and holy moly, I don't know how she did it, but she got some beautiful ones. I mean, LOOK at that. I'm in love. 

...I'd tell you that this summer has been full of rainy days (mostly rainy afternoons). And while I hate getting rained out of a pool day, I love how green and vibrant everything is. I also love the smell of summer rainstorms. Something about it just makes me happy. 

...I'd tell you I'm becoming more and more obsessed with Poshmark. It's really so much fun!! A hobby that pays me to thrift? Sign me up. You can see my closet here. 

...I'd tell you that next week, Sam and I are taking our annual summer bff trip. This year, we're going to D.C. to see Taylor Swift. I could cry, I'm so excited. Two bucket list things! Tell me your must-do thing in D.C. 

...I'd tell you I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude lately. Things have not necessarily been very gratitude-inducing (it's been the week of the stomach virus), but I'm feeling it nonetheless. I attribute it to keeping my perspective in check, like I blogged about earlier this week. It's wonderful to feel like this. 

Your turn! Tell me what's going on with you!

Rainy Day Coffee Date.

Happy Monday! We're having the dreariest, rainiest weather over here (anyone else?) and it seems like the perfect day to curl up with a cup of coffee and catch up. 
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you. . .
. . .that I legitimately have bad luck. I just do. I got a brand new phone in February and bought Apple care. I cracked my screen a few weeks ago, so decided to go get it repaired on Friday. When I came back to pick up my phone, everyone was really weird to me and then said, "uhhh let me just get a manager." 
The manager informed me that they'd broken my phone while trying to fix the screen. Like, the whole phone. "So we're giving you a new phone! Here ya go!" Which, in theory, is nice...but I didn't need a new phone! Mine was perfect other than the cracked screen! 
I got in my car and realized my phone won't connect to anything...can't make a call, send a text, nothing. So I go back into the store, and they tell me, "Oh that's a provider issue, go to the Sprint store." 
Which is, of course, words that everyone wants to hear on their day off. 
Long story short, these people got rid of my phone without turning it off, so my new phone wouldn't connect to my number, and it was the BIGGEST PAIN. Next time I'm just keeping the cracked screen. 
...that I'm on a tea kick. I go through phases with tea. I'll buy all of the tea and drink several cups a day, then I'll go months without drinking any. But I'm in a big tea phase right now, specifically, this tea. It tastes like Christmas dessert and is the coziest drink. 
...that it feels like it's been raining for 87 days and nights and I am ready for the sun to come back. Rain is just part of summers in Florida, but it usually is about 20 minutes in the afternoon, not the whole dang day. I miss my pool days! 
....that I've got vacation coming up. We're going back to the place we went last year and I CANNOT WAIT.  I think Jack will love it even more this year. Counting down to nachos by the pool and splashing around with my little bub!
Your turn! What's going on with you? 

Coffee Date!

If we were having coffee. . .
. . .I would for sure be drinking an espresso frappucino. I've just now discovered they can make these! I love the consistency of frapps, but hate the sickly sweet flavors they come in. This is just blended coffee and it is the new love of my life, thank you for understanding. 
. . .I'd tell you that I always call my birthday the unofficial start of summer, but this year I woke up two days after my birthday to forty-two-degree weather. It's seventy today, but still, I am confused. And also just really want the pool to get warm enough to go swimming. 
. . .I'd tell you that my best friends surprised me with a secret trip for my birthday! Next weekend we're going to an unknown location for unknown reasons. I freaking love surprises, so this is the best. I'm so excited!
. . .I'd tell you that I've been running to Cardi-B's new album and it is everything I did not know I needed in life. It makes me feel approximately fifty-seven times cooler than I actually am. 
. . .I'd tell you that I just ordered this acupuncture mat on the recommendation from my friend Alex. I've seen a few people recommend them and I'm excited to try it! Have you ever used one? 
Your turn! What's going on with you? 

V-Day Coffee Date.

Happy Valentine's Day! This seems like a day where a coffee date feels extra appropriate, so grab a drink and let's have a little virtual chat. 
If we were having coffee, I'd tell you...
I tried the valentine's drink at Starbucks and it made me throw up. Cherry-chocolate is my jam, but this tasted like Robitussin. Extra, extra sweet Robitussin. Nope. 
Florida is BACK. The sun is back, the warmth is back, my general happiness at calling this state home is back. We went to St. Augustine this weekend and the weather was absolutely perfect. It's seriously amazing how much happier I am when it's sunny out. 
Jack went to his first basketball game last week. I love college basketball games. They're just so much fun! I had no idea how Jack would do, but tickets were cheap so I thought if we had to jet out of there, no big deal. He had the best time. He lasted the entire game, halftime and all. It was so much fun, we're actually going to another game tonight! 
I'm really thankful for social media lately. In what has been a crazy season for me, things like Instagram and Snapchat have made it so easy to keep in touch with my friends. I may not have time to FaceTime you, but I can send you 18 snaps asking how your life is and telling you about my day, and whenever you get a minute, you can snap me back. I may not have it together enough to have mailed Valentine's cards, but I can send you funny memes today on Insta. I love it. 
What's going on with you? Anything fun on the books for Valentine's Day? 

Coffee Date.

still obsessed with the dress I wore!

If we were having coffee, I'd tell you that...

...I went to Oklahoma this weekend for my childhood best friend's wedding. There's something so magical about seeing people you love so much be so happy. The last few years have truly taught me that your people are everything. She's one of those, and I will never forget this weekend. 
...The night before my trip, I had the most bizarre blogging night. I got an email from someone giving me a heads up that "I think this blog is passing off some of your posts as their own." I clicked over and someone has been copy+pasting my posts word for word and only changing things if I used someone's name. I emailed her and also commented on all the posts like hi hello I wrote this! Those comments got deleted, the posts did not. 
I saw her tweet out a link to a very special post ABOUT MY CHILD as if she wrote it, and I responded and asked her to take it down. 
SO NATURALLY SHE GOT A LAWYER TO SEND ME A CEASE AND DESIST LETTER.

TL;DR: Someone stole my posts and when I caught them and emailed them about it, sent me a cease and desist letter. Life is weird. 
Those posts have since been deleted, juuuust enough words have been changed so they don't look exactly like mine, and put back up. I'm insanely frustrated over it (because writing is special, and blogging takes work, ya know?) but today, I'm feeling motivated.  Because it's reminded me that the reason it upset me so much is that writing is important to me, and my posts are special to me. So I'm just gonna keep at it. 
...I got my first ever spray tan, and I have mixed feelings about it. The first feeling being that I live in Florida, I should never need a spray tan. But it has been so cold here, and I tried on my black dress for the wedding, and I looked like a ghost.  I found an amazing salon here (The Golden Gator, if you're local!) and the girl was fantastic. She was very clear that I could not get wet. Easy, I thought. Just don't take a shower! 
Well, I ate pho for dinner. And apparently I'm a very messy pho eater. Because an hour after my spray tan, I had splotches all over my legs where I splashed pho. This is me, it's fine. 
...I'd ask you what you think about Halsey's poem. (I'm sure you've seen it, but if not: language/content warning). I've watched it at least eight times and cried all of them. "Listen, and then yell at the top of your lungs, be a voice for all those who have prisoner tongues." I know we live in a day where it's rare we'll all agree on pretty much anything, but surely, surely we can agree on that. 

Thanksgiving Week Coffee Date.

Hi hello yes, it's me, reporting live that we have somehow reached THANKSGIVING WEEK. For some of us, this week brings all the happy feels, and for some of us it brings insane amounts of stress and running around trying to get things done and finish endless to-do lists. Either way, it seems like a good day to take a break, have some coffee, and just talk. 
If we were having coffee...
I'd tell you that this is the first Thanksgiving Jack can eat all the Thanksgiving foods, and I cannot wait to see what he likes.
I'd tell you that I can't get enough of Taylor Swift's new album. The whole thing is just golden. I've listened to it in its entirety at least once every day since getting it, and I'm nowhere near close to sick of it. I just love it.  
I'd tell you that my face has been breaking out terribly in a way that's super uncommon for me. I chalked it up to stress, but I was mindlessly reading the back of my new(ish) face wash in the shower yesterday and saw that it has cucumber in it. I'm allergic to cucumber. So for about a month now, I've been rubbing cucumber on my face every single morning. The bumps all over my skin aren't zits, they're hives. 
I'd tell you that, while I know thankfulness should be a year-round thing, I do love seeing it bubble over in people around the holidays. From thankful lists on social media to just being nicer, Thanksgiving tends to highlight the good in people. I love it. 
What are your Thanksgiving plans? 

It's October, Let's Drink Coffee.

Guys, my coffee consumption is out of control right now. Partly because I'm just so tired, but partly because it's fall and pumpkin coffee is just my favorite. 
Anyway, I've been drinking all of the coffee. Allllll of it. But if you wanted to come over and catch up, I guess I could save you a cup. 
If we were having coffee...
...I'd ask you what fall TV shows you're happy to see back. This Is Us is killing me. I'm not emotionally stable enough for this show, but I can't quit it. It's so good. 
...I'd tell you that I saw Mumford & Sons in concert, and it was absolute magic. Seriously, a straight-up religious experience. Pure magic. There's no other way to explain it than that. There's something indescribable about being in a room with thousands of other people, all singing all the words to these songs being performed with so much heart. I'll never forget it. 

top (sold out): similar, similar, similar // jeans
...I'd tell you that I visited my best friend from college and we saw a band we've been listening to together for years and it was MAGICAL. A weekend with friends that just get you is the best, best medicine. I slept less than I have in forever, but left feeling more refreshed than I have in forever.   ...I'd tell you that having a nanny help out with Jack has been amazing. It gives me a few hours to breathe and get stuff done. And he adores her, which makes my heart so happy. Finding childcare was not fun, but I ended up with a perfect situation and it has been so great. 
...I'd tell you I chopped my hair. It's shorter than it's ever been, and while I'm happy I cut it (and actually like the length), it's a baaaaad haircut. Very chunky and uneven and just bad. I need to get it fixed, but I need it to grow out a little bit first, because I'm terrified of losing any more length. 

Your turn! What's new with you?

Let's Have Coffee.

If we were having coffee (and a donut, let's be honest) today, I'd have a weird smorgasbord of things to tell you. Like... 
...Being a mom is weird. Having this human life that you're supposed to take care of and mold is a bizarre thing. I think all the time as I'm taking care of Jack, you are an entire life. You will grow up and have a life and make choices and build something for yourself, and I get to teach you how. I want him to grow up to be strong and independent, I want to protect him from every little thing. I assume this balance only gets harder as he gets older, but when things like Charlottesville happen, I think a lot about this. Nothing makes me so fiercely determined to teach him what's good and what's not, to teach him to be brave and stand up against the not okay things, and to teach him to let his life speak of love, not hate. What a privilege it is to get to teach those things. 
...It amazes me how small the world is, how intertwined everything is, and how quickly things can change. I wrote about it here, but I met my friend Sam in college because she needed a place to crash (and then just never left). We then both ended up in Gainesville a few years later. Without her, I never would have been brave enough to go on a blogging trip, and I never would have made the connections I made to go back for a second round. If I wouldn't have gone back, I wouldn't have made the two other friendships I did.  We're all in a group text, and one girl texted yesterday asking us to pray for a big meeting she had. It wasn't an off-the-cuff, "pray for me haha!" It was a real, hey I need your prayers and I know you'll give them to me kind of thing. After I prayed for her, I kind of just marveled at how things lined up just so and I was able to meet these people at this time in this place. It's a small world.  Sometimes the cycle of, if this never would've happened then this wouldn't have happened and then this would be different sucks, and feels like life is just beating you up. But sometimes that cycle is really, really good. 
...No matter how many planners I try, I always come back to daily to-do lists in a plain notebook. There's something therapeutic about seeing everything I need to accomplish written down. Will I stop buying planners, though? Of course not. 
...In a plot twist TOTALLY unlike myself, I'm not ready to say goodbye to summer and hello to fall yet. I usually am cooking all the pumpkin things and putting out the scarecrows on August 1st, but this year I'm just craving summer for a little bit longer. I am going to Hobby Lobby this week, though, so that may change. Stay tuned. 
Your turn! Grab a cup and tell me what's going on with you! 

Some Honest Thoughts on Faith.

The last year (give or take) has, hands down, been the most difficult, heart-wrenching, frustrating, doubt-inducing year I’ve experienced. 

And, as much as I hate when people say things like that and then follow up with vagueness (because I want DETAILS, you guys), since many of the circumstances that led to that have other people as the main characters, that’s exactly what I’m going to have to do. 

But trust me, it has been a year. Full of good days, yes, but also full of days that kind of sent me into a tailspin emotionally. A doubt-filled, angry, confused, emotional tailspin. 

Told you I’d always be honest around here. 

It seems contrite to, as an adult, say “but why do bad things happen?” Because they do. They always happen. And there’s always something worse happening somewhere else to someone else. But still, in the thick of it, so many times this year I asked, “but why do bad things happen?” 

It is hard to reconcile the God you learned about as a child, the one you were supposed to pray to when someone was sick so He could make them better, the one you were supposed to ask for the things you needed so He could give them to you, with a God who lets bad things happen, who I’m supposed to believe could have stopped something horrible from happening, but didn’t. It is hard to believe and have faith in someone but at the same time feel let down by them. 

In October, I heard this song:

“To be honest, I don’t feel like singing. To be honest, I don’t hear your voice. . .I know you love me, but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like I’m drowning. Jesus, feels like you’re sleeping on the boat in the middle of the storm, and I’m banging down your door. Jesus, you command the wind and waves, so I’m begging you to wake and do what only you can do.”

That became my anthem this year. And it may sound strange to say that my anthem wasn’t one of positivity, or one of “it’s all gonna be okay!” but it wasn’t. It was a song that simply said, over and over, HEY I’M DROWNING OVER HERE WILL YOU PLEASE WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.  

I really felt compelled to write about this, not because I have answers (literally, I have none. Approximately zero answers) but because I don’t. And I think that's okay. 

I think that faith in God is a journey. While you're here on earth, I don't think you ever really arrive at the end. I think that questions and honesty (and yeah, doubt too) are an important part of anything worth having. 

I want you to know that I'm not writing about my faith from the perspective of someone speaking from perfected hindsight. I'm writing from the perspective of someone who has to catch their breath when they think of some of the awful things that have happened this year. From the perspective of someone who automatically brings my hand up to my chest when talking about some things, because just the memory of the pure anxiety they made me feel causes my chest to physically ache. I don’t think that I will ever look at that season and think, “Ah, yes, I see why that happened the way it did.” Or, “I’m a better person for those things happening.” 

I just want you to know that questioning something and giving up on it are two very different things. 

The biggest gift this year has given me is the confidence and comfortability to look at God and say, "Hey. I have questions. And I'm really upset. And I don't understand. And I am full of doubt today." Because I truly imagine His response being, "I love you. Why don't you sit down, let's talk about it."

I want you to know that you’re not a bad Christian because you have doubts. 

I find it incredibly frustrating that more people don't talk about their doubt. About their question-filled seasons. And I totally get why! It's scary to be vulnerable and open up in a way that shows you aren't the buttoned-up, totally trusting, understanding version of Christianity that is most often displayed. But goodness, what a gift it is to know we're not alone. I want you to know, if you're questioning your faith, you're not alone. 

I want you to know that several times this year I have sat in my car and yelled and cursed while talking to God. That may seem a bit taboo to say, but it’s true. Sometimes, my "prayers" were simply, what the hell, what the hell, what the hell? I’ve sobbed into my steering wheel and said that I was angry for what He was allowing to happen. I have very openly blamed Him for many, many bad things. And I can confidently say that I don’t think any of that makes me a “bad Christian.” I don’t think that any of that makes God love me any less. I know that it doesn’t. 

So this is me, putting it out there, saying hey, I have questions too. And doubts. Big ones. So if you do too, you’re not alone. I love Jesus, and I am very confused and filled with doubt by a lot of the things I have seen happen this year. The two are not mutually exclusive. It's my personal belief that God is big enough to handle my doubts, my questions, my tears, my sobbed curse words. 

If my best friend was going through something, I would so much rather her sit in the car with me and scream and cry and tell me everything than to sit and pretend everything was perfect. I would want her to trust me with her honesty, no matter what it sounded like. Doesn't God deserve the same? I think so. 

So if you need to sit in your car and scream and curse and just lose your mind for a little bit, you should do it. Truly, it might be your first step to real, honest faith.  I don’t think God minds at all.